Upset my date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ESH.

Eating off her plate (or even asking to do so in the first place) is weird and overly-familiar behavior on a second date. Don't do that again. Maybe it's fine once you get into an established relationship, but not on a second date.

That said, she should have said no. "Actually, I'm planning to take this to work for lunch tomorrow." Not hard.

Agree, it is overly familiar and (for me) too casual for a second date. Gives the impression you were focused on your own hunger, or maybe even on thinking that since you'd paid, the food should get eaten.

Even if that's not the thought behind it, OP, that's an impression it gives off, and impressions do still count on the second date. And frankly, for quite a while beyond that.

I do disagree, though, with the many PPs blaming the woman for not saying right away, in the moment,"I want to take it home." Hindsight is always perfect and it's easy for us to think, "I'd do that immediately!" But in that moment, she might have been so surprised that he was even asking, that she just didn't say it, and she might have felt, "Well, if he's that into eating off my plate, he must want it and I"m not going to try to snatch it back...."

We can all say about many situations, you should have spoken up then and there, but in reality, when you're the one IN that moment and someone does something you didn't expect, it's not always so easy to "use your words." Especially when it's something relatively small like this, it can sometimes feel like you should just let it go, then later you realize it really did matter to you.

If he took her out for an activity like bowling she can’t just say, I’ll watch you do it then take a bowling ball home and bowl by myself. Party foods and dinners are to be enjoyed primarily AT THE PARTY with whoever is hosting you, you don’t take it to go and enjoy it with some other dude you are seeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.
But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can make an assessment based on this. She is probably going on her gut. Eating all the food is unusual.

Were you that hungry? If it was good to you why did you assume it was not good for her ?

Maybe you should eat before going on dates.

OMG. How hungry were you?? Did you finish both portions?? LOL. But yeah, that is a weird move on a second date. Control your appetite, that is just scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

You seem to lack basic manners as well

It's rude to ask to eat off someone's plate.

Even if we ignore this and accept that she agreed for him to have some more doesn't mean eat what's left, that's just glutinous and poor form.

I'd be put off by his lack of manners as well. While I might not decline to see him again it would definitely be in the back of my mind as a note.

A person of decorum never tells another that they lack manners.

Truth hurts babe. Now you know. Do better

[Anonymous]

You aren’t a jerk. It’s food, food is for eating. If she weren’t hungry she should have ordered something small. Ordering a big plate just to take it home is rude, imo. I think she was going to dump you anyway and this is just an excuse. She just wanted to get a free meal out of it. So tacky.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if maybe she wasn't feeling 100% in the moment but planned to finish the food later when she felt better. I've had meals where I wasn't feeling hungry but would have been hungry later.

Chances are, if she dumped you for this, she would have dumped you anyway. It's a dumb reason to stop seeing someone. I went out with a guy who basically snagged my leftovers and I didn't go out with him again but only because he was weird otherwise. The food thing mattered very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ESH.

Eating off her plate (or even asking to do so in the first place) is weird and overly-familiar behavior on a second date. Don't do that again. Maybe it's fine once you get into an established relationship, but not on a second date.

That said, she should have said no. "Actually, I'm planning to take this to work for lunch tomorrow." Not hard.

Agree, it is overly familiar and (for me) too casual for a second date. Gives the impression you were focused on your own hunger, or maybe even on thinking that since you'd paid, the food should get eaten.

Even if that's not the thought behind it, OP, that's an impression it gives off, and impressions do still count on the second date. And frankly, for quite a while beyond that.

I do disagree, though, with the many PPs blaming the woman for not saying right away, in the moment,"I want to take it home." Hindsight is always perfect and it's easy for us to think, "I'd do that immediately!" But in that moment, she might have been so surprised that he was even asking, that she just didn't say it, and she might have felt, "Well, if he's that into eating off my plate, he must want it and I"m not going to try to snatch it back...."

We can all say about many situations, you should have spoken up then and there, but in reality, when you're the one IN that moment and someone does something you didn't expect, it's not always so easy to "use your words." Especially when it's something relatively small like this, it can sometimes feel like you should just let it go, then later you realize it really did matter to you.

If he took her out for an activity like bowling she can’t just say, I’ll watch you do it then take a bowling ball home and bowl by myself. Party foods and dinners are to be enjoyed primarily AT THE PARTY with whoever is hosting you, you don’t take it to go and enjoy it with some other dude you are seeing.

Richard Feynman once took a lady for a sandwich, and she ordered two, one for her, and one for her next date.

But after he demanded she pay him back, she came back later and sexed him.

https://chem.fsu.edu/chemlab/isc3523c/feyn_surely.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

Where does it stop?
2nd date, he asks to eat her steak.
Next time, he'll ask to eat her tuna fish.

[Anonymous]

My ex husband did this on a first date. I thought it was rude and it bothered me. I applaud this woman for getting rid of you immediately.

Do not eat your date’s meal. It is selfish.

[Anonymous]

She didn't like the first date much, but gave a second try. She immediately regretted her choice when the date started, then looked for excuse to make you the bad guy instead of just admitting she wasn't attracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating men and I found found some can be weird around food and sharing food. 40s men.

One guy told me (who I dated for months) that I had to share with him—before we even ordered —if I planned to try his food. This was his preference. He said that it would help him order enough. I found out this preference about after he made a big deal about my trying off his plate.

I asked him about it at the next dinner date. We had about two discussions about this topic over a couple of weeks. It ultimately didn’t work out. The guy was weird on other things too. —a bit nitpicky.

listen to advice above. it’s sound

This is not weird. I don’t share. I have recovered from an eating disorder and when I go to a restaurant I have usually selected my meal from the online menu in advance and planned my day around it. I do this so I can chat and seem relaxed and stress free at the restaurant and not hold up the group while I decide. Because I have decided in advance what and how much I will eat, I don’t want to eat other foods or share mine. My husband’s family cuts everything into pieces and nibbles nibbles all of it. One pastry will be tasted by 8 people. I don’t want 16 nibbles of various dishes. I want to enjoy the dish I selected, unmolested by reaching forks! If I decide I will eat a pastry, I want to fully enjoy the whole pastry and not smash the flaky crust to pieces cutting into bits to share.

+1. Interesting. I feel the same and also recovered from an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was kind of a jerk thing to do on a second date, but any woman worth keeping around isn’t going to be bothered by something so trivial as not having food to take home. If she wanted it she should have said so at the time instead of giving it to you. Chalk it up to lesson learned what not to do ona second date, but also what kind of woman doesn’t make a good future relationship.

But if he's already willing to take liberties like this on a second date what is he going to do down the line? This would worry me.

He didn’t take any liberties. He asked if he could have it. It’s not like he distracted her by pointing across the room to distract her and then scoop a bunch of her fettuccine into his mouth when he wasn’t looking. THAT would worry me. Asking and receiving a green light does not.

Where does it stop?
2nd date, he asks to eat her steak.
Next time, he'll ask to eat her tuna fish.

Yup. Ex husband ate my food constantly. It does not stop. It is selfish and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

You accidentally foiled her plan that's why she couldn't tell you "No." And then she got pissed when you basically negated the entire reason she went out with you that night.

You see, she really wasn't that into you after the first date but decided to give you a 2nd chance to see if you'd improve. She ate dinner beforehand (in case the date went bad) and intended to take home this meal to eat the next day. Her reasoning is something along the lines of: "Hey, if the date sucks at least I'll get a decent meal to bring home for later this week."

Had she said "No you can't eat my food, I'm bringing it home" then she would look like a user. And to this woman, appearances are very important to her feelings of self-worth.

Now, housing down someone else's meal is kinda weird. Let's be frank - you're a bit awkward. It's one thing to have a couple bites, but it sounds like you joined the Clean Plate Club twice that night. So that's a bit of a red flag.

But in the grand scheme of things, what she did is a lot worse IMHO. It's pretty clear that her intentions were to take home a meal on your dime. If she's not that hungry, the polite thing to do is order an appetizer or a salad for dinner.

I'm honestly giggling at this entire scenario, because you accidentally made the right strategic move. Had you recognized her plan at the time and then purposely ate her food, you'd be a smart dude. But you kind of bumbled your way into ruining her plan, so that makes me Team No One.

Not OP, but I love this analysis and I think you are correct

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out on a second date with a woman yesterday . First date was good. Second date conversation was great. At dinner she didn’t eat much of her food, I assumed maybe she didn’t like it. We tasted each others dishes and I liked hers. Since she didn’t eat much I asked if I could have more, and she said sure. Today she texts to smash she’s no longer interested. Since the convos been awesome I asked why, and she said cause I ate her food! I pointed she didn’t eat much and that I asked and she said ok. She said she wasn’t hungry but wanted to take it to go. Am I a jerk?

She was using you for food. There are a certain percentage of women who do this. Women will go on a date, order food and take the leftovers home. Some do it because they are struggling, do not want to cook or just do not care. Usually it is enough food to last them a few days. Think of it as a take out service you pay with your time instead of money.

She was just using you and would have ended after a few more dates if you did not eat her food….lol!

How can one meal, however big, last a few days?
Or do these women order a few things?