Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

This person has no idea what they are talking about.

Yes they do.

Prove it.

You prove why it's right to hold a child back for arbitrary reasons. Keeping a child behind changes their peer group to a younger group so your child isn't maturing, they are being held to a lower standard, which hurts them. They are the roll models as the older kids.

We listened to all the hold back non-sense. It was a huge mistake. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it. I don't get why people push holding kids back except to justify their own choices.

So, you can’t, you just have feelings about it.

[Anonymous]

If you are still checking I recommend waiting a year. Your son will likely be fine if he goes on time and many people are posting about academics and being bored in elementary. That all levels out by middle school and the social concerns hit hard. You will very much appreciate he is a year older in the teen years. I have one with a spring birthday and one with a fall birthday, who just missed the cut off. Everything had been easier for my child who is on the older side.

My son with the spring birthday wouldn’t have been redshirted but he has quite a few friends with summer birthdays who were. Being on the young side is harder in the teen years. Everyone is driving earlier and doing everything else earlier. As a parent, it was a constant stress of the friend group going out to wherever and my kid wanting to go too. That could be riding their bikes to go out to eat in elementary or getting in cars as teens. You will appreciate he’s a year older in whatever grade he’s in when this happens.

[Anonymous]

I know far more people who regret sending on time than regret red shirting. I know several families who switched to private to “reclass” their child (fancy name for having them repeat a grade.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.

Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager.

I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation.

I don’t understand how he will be 4 entering K if his birthday is in July. Won’t he just have turned 5?

I’d be inclined to send him myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.

Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager.

I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation.

I don’t understand how he will be 4 entering K if his birthday is in July. Won’t he just have turned 5?

I’d be inclined to send him myself.

The problem is your reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

I feel like both parents should be supportive to redshirt and if not, you should send him on time. And I say this as someone who redshirted her kid and feels like it was 100 percent the right call. But both parents need to be on board to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the teacher to recommend redshirting. Also get checked for ADHD.

My understanding was that issues such as ADD, ADHD, and dyslexia typically are not identified until the child is around age 7. Is it possible to test for this at age 4?

Unfortunately this is often the case. Our pediatrician told us our son was unlikely to have ADHD in second grade based on Vanderbilt screening, but he was officially diagnosed in sixth when his symptoms became more pronounced. It can be missed until middle/high school when executive functioning demands become more pronounced - it can even be missed until adulthood if the person has good coping skills.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends a lot what other people in your area do & what the cut off is. If lots of summer birthday boys redshirt, then in a marginal case, I’d probably do it. If it’s unusual or the cutoff is October or onwards, I wouldn’t. He would be very old for his year. Also, FWIW, younger sibs tend to be academically behind but ahead in terms of gross motor & emotional development when they start K; it mostly evens out in the end (although younger siblings stay slightly ahead on gross motor throughout their lives statistically, which is fascinating)… but being big & advanced could be a bad combo if he’s prone troublemaking already. Boredom is a disaster for borderline ADHD kids. Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you send him to a small private kindergarten, which will probably cost about the same as preschool, and see how he does. Not great - repeat kindergarten when entering public school. Great - enter public school in first grade.

(Public school kindergarten sucks, by the way. I sent two kids through it, and it was like pre-k in terms of barely academic, but much higher expectations for sitting still. My boy did ok but hated it and emotionally wrung out every day from so much sitting; my girl liked it. But I was never impressed with the curriculum and overcrowding. First grade much, much better.)

This is what I would do. Mom of a July birthday girl. She's in 3rd and we were planning to start public kindergarten in fall 2020, then obviously pandemic. Our district did not open in person, so I sent her to private kindergarten (where she had been in preschool). It was a nice option knowing that if it didn't go great, we could do public kindergarten the next year. Or just move her to public 1st. We ended up doing public 1st and while she's the absolute youngest in her grade, we have no regrets. She's social, well behaved, doing well in school (amazing in reading, more average in math). She's also one of the tallest, so I have a hard time visualizing her being in the grade below her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know far more people who regret sending on time than regret red shirting. I know several families who switched to private to “reclass” their child (fancy name for having them repeat a grade.)

Bums

[Anonymous]

What you describe sounds like a normal 4 yo. Kindergarten is many months away. There’s rarely a good reason to hold a kid back these days. My July boy went on time. Zero issues (he’s in HS now). I had late summer birthday & loved being on the younger side… I think I would have felt “slow” if I’d been older than everyone & held back.
Either way probably will not make a big difference in the long run. But it’s impossible to know for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know far more people who regret sending on time than regret red shirting. I know several families who switched to private to “reclass” their child (fancy name for having them repeat a grade.)

I know one family who held their kid back and regretted it. Everyone else — the holders-back and the start-on-timers — was happy with their decision (this was years ago; everyone has graduated from HS by now)

[Anonymous]

I know a family where one spouse pressured another into sending the kid a year early and it is even now very difficult for the kid who is in high school now.
Please put your foot down and redshirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know far more people who regret sending on time than regret red shirting. I know several families who switched to private to “reclass” their child (fancy name for having them repeat a grade.)

They are doing that to get into these schools that insist on holding kids back. It's a money grab, space issue and it's easier teaching older kids. The funny thing about that is they aren't getting the brightest kids, they are getting the parents who need prestige and have money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a family where one spouse pressured another into sending the kid a year early and it is even now very difficult for the kid who is in high school now.
Please put your foot down and redshirt.

My young for the grade loved high school and is doing well. They said they are in the right grade and I couldn't see them given size, and how smart they are being a grade behind. Don't do that to your kid and hold them back because strangers say so.