Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.
Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager. I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation. |
Anonymous
|
If spouse won’t respond to the “let’s give him the gift of time” argument…try using the driving argument (of he enters K at 4 yrs, when he is a sophomore, all his buddies will be getting their driver’s licenses and he’ll be a year behind)…and he’ll be entering college as a 17-year-old. Why??
And finally, if you do have him go ahead in kindergarten and it turns out that he has a hard time with it and you change your minds in a couple of years, you’ll have to face the dilemma of holding him back a grade in school, and this never goes well. In short, there are so many reasons not to push him into kindergarten before he’s emotionally ready. |
Anonymous
|
No opinions. Just want to note that it is almost impossible to hold a kid back so your decision is pretty much final. If later you think it would be best to repeat a grade, it probably won’t happen.
I don’t say this to add pressure. I am a mom who made the wrong decision and my child struggled his entire school time. And it was really a tremendous amount of work for me to keep him with passing grades. |
Anonymous
| What is the cut off where you are? It is only December, there are 8 months before school starts, why do you think you won’t change your mind? I understand people redshirting when the kid’s birthday is close to the cut off date, but isn’t it Sept 30 around here? That’s like 3 months, he won’t be starting K at 4! |
Anonymous
Kid is currently 4 with a July birthday, so he will be starting K at 5 |
Anonymous
He is a July birthday. He would start college at 18. |
Anonymous
He's not entering K at 4, he's 4 now and will be 5 in July. OP is confusing since later she says she started K at 4 and had a bad experience, which is understandable but something different since her son will be starting when he's 5, which is when you are supposed to start. I'm team spouse on this. |
Anonymous
| Keep monitoring the situation. There’s a lot of time until then. Also real teachers might make a difference than daycare/babysitter |
Anonymous
| Just make a financial argument to him "he is much less likely to need outside support if we wait a year". That type of stuff aggregating over an entire education can easily be more expensive than a year of daycare. Not knowing your son I'm not making a call here, but if his argument is financial, he is being shortsighted. If he is ready, it will also be less likely a strain on your careers by having to intervene. |
Anonymous
|
Younger siblings are often less well behaved than older ones and I’m not sure keeping him in daycare is going to make him less “mischievous”.
I would stop comparing him to his siblings and see if he’s ready but if he is I wouldn’t hold him back. |
Anonymous
|
Team Spouse.
-mom of July son who started on time. |
Anonymous
| I swear you better bite your tongue in 2nd grade and up when you or your kid want to complain about the immaturity of the other students in the class (like every redshirting family I've known has) |
Anonymous
| Stop comparing kids. Let him go. He will be fine. |
Anonymous
Her kid will enter college at 18. And, most are only 17 a few weeks. Your child drives the same time so holding back makes no sense. Why would you hold a child back? None of your arguments are good ones. |
Anonymous
|
There are fanatics on both sides of the redshirting issue who may give you some extreme answers. Personally, I don’t think there is a “right” answer.
Every kid is different and their parents know them best. Moreover, every kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Social, academic, and physical development all happen independently, at their own pace. Redshirting, like most of life’s decisions, involves trade-offs. I think both you and your husband have valid arguments. Whichever way you choose, there may be times when you second guess your decision, but recognize that if you’d gone the other way, a specific problem might have worked out better, but there’d almost certainly be other problems that would still have you second guessing yourselves. Whatever you decide, if problems arise later, DON’T BLAME EACH OTHER. You both have your child’s best interest at heart, and nobody has a crystal ball. Talk to your child’s preschool teacher, maybe your local elementary, and most importantly, trust your gut (and your husband’s). As a June birthday, I sometimes wonder if things would’ve been easier for me, personally, if I’d been redshirted. Even so, things turned out fine. FWIW (and since I’ve never met your child, it’s not worth much), I’d probably be inclined to redshirt if I were in your place. That doesn’t mean that it’s any better than the alternative. I think whichever way you choose, your son will turn out great because you and your husband care enough about him to struggle with decisions like this. |