Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Get the teacher to recommend redshirting. Also get checked for ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team spouse. He's going to be so tall, look so much older than his class. And here's the reverse of the high school/college argument - think about how old he will be senior year and how young the girls will be. Get a lawyer.

You people are so weird. So, so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team spouse. He's going to be so tall, look so much older than his class. And here's the reverse of the high school/college argument - think about how old he will be senior year and how young the girls will be. Get a lawyer.

You people are so weird. So, so weird.

+1

[Anonymous]

July boys in my non-DC city nearly always wait another year. It doesn’t sound like size will be an issue in the middle school years for you but it can be a real disadvantage for boys socially and with sports that don’t go by birth year.

[Anonymous]

Pay to have him evaluated privately. Get the recommendation of someone who works for *your family*.

We’re redshirting our September birthday but she’s going to private kindergarten for that year. It doesn’t have to be a choice between daycare and kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

100% chance I’d redshirt a July boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.

Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager.

I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation.

Yep. This is where we were. I was planning to register my son for Kindergarten - he would be 5 in early July so of course he was headed to Kindergarten. His preschool teacher told me to reconsider.
He had missed a year and half of preschool because of Covid (we kept him home so he missed most of his 2s class and the entire year of 3s). He is very, very smart but will likely be diagnosed with ADHD soon.
The teacher told me to cherish the extra year with him and she was sure he'd thrive as an older kid. We decided to do keep him back. I spoke to several preschool and kindergarten teacher friends who weren't familiar with my son but who told me it's always a good idea to stay back if questioning. Then my pediatrician told me she held one son back and not the other and their experiences in school were vastly different. The son she rushed through had confidence issues and she regretted it.

I don't think it's a good idea for most kids but if your gut is telling you he needs more time, then wait. You have until July to decide - if he changes, you can regisgter him for K over the summer.

[Anonymous]

You're all nuts. The child has months before entering kindergarten and a lot could change. He will be 5 when he starts, like everyone else. My son is a May birthday and he is one of the youngest and smallest in the class because of this ridiculous redshirting. He has classmates who will turn 10 before he turns 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team spouse. He's going to be so tall, look so much older than his class. And here's the reverse of the high school/college argument - think about how old he will be senior year and how young the girls will be. Get a lawyer.

For a July birthday? Nah.

But I agree she should think about college. Almost all elite private schools will redshirt July boys. (Some even May and June.) There’s already a huge gap in privilege and achievement between elite privates and mediocre publics. The older kids in private only exacerbate the issue.

You really want your kid to be the youngest in the grade competing with students nationwide who are a full year older than him?

Only reason not to redshirt is financial. I’d pay for another year of pre-k unless it meant eating ramen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all nuts. The child has months before entering kindergarten and a lot could change. He will be 5 when he starts, like everyone else. My son is a May birthday and he is one of the youngest and smallest in the class because of this ridiculous redshirting. He has classmates who will turn 10 before he turns 9.

So “everyone else” isn’t starting at five. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the teacher to recommend redshirting. Also get checked for ADHD.

My understanding was that issues such as ADD, ADHD, and dyslexia typically are not identified until the child is around age 7. Is it possible to test for this at age 4?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the teacher to recommend redshirting. Also get checked for ADHD.

My understanding was that issues such as ADD, ADHD, and dyslexia typically are not identified until the child is around age 7. Is it possible to test for this at age 4?

The standard is 6-7 for diagnosis unless it is a super compelling case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If spouse won’t respond to the “let’s give him the gift of time” argument…try using the driving argument (of he enters K at 4 yrs, when he is a sophomore, all his buddies will be getting their driver’s licenses and he’ll be a year behind)…and he’ll be entering college as a 17-year-old. Why??

And finally, if you do have him go ahead in kindergarten and it turns out that he has a hard time with it and you change your minds in a couple of years, you’ll have to face the dilemma of holding him back a grade in school, and this never goes well.

In short, there are so many reasons not to push him into kindergarten before he’s emotionally ready.

He is a July birthday. He would start college at 18.

And in any case, so what? I was 17 at the start of college and then turned 18 in the fall. Who cares?

I got my license late in HS but friends gave me rides...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.

Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager.

I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation.

Yep. This is where we were. I was planning to register my son for Kindergarten - he would be 5 in early July so of course he was headed to Kindergarten. His preschool teacher told me to reconsider.
He had missed a year and half of preschool because of Covid (we kept him home so he missed most of his 2s class and the entire year of 3s). He is very, very smart but will likely be diagnosed with ADHD soon.
The teacher told me to cherish the extra year with him and she was sure he'd thrive as an older kid. We decided to do keep him back. I spoke to several preschool and kindergarten teacher friends who weren't familiar with my son but who told me it's always a good idea to stay back if questioning. Then my pediatrician told me she held one son back and not the other and their experiences in school were vastly different. The son she rushed through had confidence issues and she regretted it.

I don't think it's a good idea for most kids but if your gut is telling you he needs more time, then wait. You have until July to decide - if he changes, you can regisgter him for K over the summer.

This makes zero sense and about you and the teacher, not the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If spouse won’t respond to the “let’s give him the gift of time” argument…try using the driving argument (of he enters K at 4 yrs, when he is a sophomore, all his buddies will be getting their driver’s licenses and he’ll be a year behind)…and he’ll be entering college as a 17-year-old. Why??

And finally, if you do have him go ahead in kindergarten and it turns out that he has a hard time with it and you change your minds in a couple of years, you’ll have to face the dilemma of holding him back a grade in school, and this never goes well.

In short, there are so many reasons not to push him into kindergarten before he’s emotionally ready.

He is a July birthday. He would start college at 18.

And in any case, so what? I was 17 at the start of college and then turned 18 in the fall. Who cares?

I got my license late in HS but friends gave me rides...

My freshman cannot drive and we just drive them. Older kids offer but I don’t want new drivers driving them in a van full of kids. How is driving first a good thing and they are not first they are older.