Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

It's difficult at that age because you don't know whether the issues you're seeing are lifelong or just temporary. As in, does your kid have ADHD and maybe a high IQ, or is it all his 4 year old self and he'll grow out of it?

We initially held our son back a year, but realized he was bored academically, so he skipped ahead to age-appropriate grade. He's twice exceptional (ADHD/ASD and high IQ), which means that throughout K-12, there's been a discrepancy between his social skills and his academic skills.

The solution was magnet and advanced courses, honestly. Kept him engaged at school. The social part was always going to be tough for him any which way. Now he's in college, in a super nerdy major, and just finding his people.

[Anonymous]

You aren’t going to get good advice here. People here, mostly the anti-redshirts but also a few pro-redshirts, are totally and completely irrational on the subject. They are also incredibly defensive. All in all this isn’t a great place to come for insight on this.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s birthday is July 24. He graduated high school early and graduated college early with a double major in math and engineering. Your kid sounds like he could use the structure of Kindergarten. Also, if he’s that big, leaving him in PreK again with a bunch of little kids he’ll hit doesn’t seem like a good idea.

[Anonymous]

What does the teacher say? They see this age group everyday and can judge their progress.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to decide now. Why don't you wait until this summer when he actually turns 5 before you make this big decision.

Fwiw most people I know who redshirted didn't regret. But one family I know is loud and obnoxious about how bored her redshirted boy is in school. How they didn't do enough to stimulate his genius brain.

So whatever you choose, please don't be obnoxious about it. That's all I ask 😄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are fanatics on both sides of the redshirting issue who may give you some extreme answers. Personally, I don’t think there is a “right” answer.

Every kid is different and their parents know them best. Moreover, every kids have different strengths and weaknesses. Social, academic, and physical development all happen independently, at their own pace.

Redshirting, like most of life’s decisions, involves trade-offs. I think both you and your husband have valid arguments. Whichever way you choose, there may be times when you second guess your decision, but recognize that if you’d gone the other way, a specific problem might have worked out better, but there’d almost certainly be other problems that would still have you second guessing yourselves. Whatever you decide, if problems arise later, DON’T BLAME EACH OTHER. You both have your child’s best interest at heart, and nobody has a crystal ball.

Talk to your child’s preschool teacher, maybe your local elementary, and most importantly, trust your gut (and your husband’s).

As a June birthday, I sometimes wonder if things would’ve been easier for me, personally, if I’d been redshirted. Even so, things turned out fine. FWIW (and since I’ve never met your child, it’s not worth much), I’d probably be inclined to redshirt if I were in your place. That doesn’t mean that it’s any better than the alternative.

I think whichever way you choose, your son will turn out great because you and your husband care enough about him to struggle with decisions like this.

I'm a mom of teenagers. I know a lot of redshirted kids. I've never heard ANYBODY express regret about redshirting their kids. I really don't think there are significant tradeoffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse.

-mom of July son who started on time.

Shut it

[Anonymous]

Very happy we redshirted July son. No regrets. He turned out to be a very late bloomer so it was the right decision for him. Also have not met any other parents who regretted doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse.

-mom of July son who started on time.

Team spouse. -August mom

[Anonymous]

Seems obvious that you plan to send your son to public school.

In many US cities, private schools require students entering kindergarten to meet with a psychologist (families are given a list of approved psychologists) who will assess the student's readiness to enter kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Same and we red shirted. Year 2 in preK has been amazing. Son has matured. He sees himself as the leader in the classroom versus the badly behaved boy he was. He still can’t sit still for the 5 hours a day that kindergarten will want him, but it’s better than if he was a young 5. He’s emotionally way behind where my older daughter was at 5.

Kindergarten is not the K you remember. They sit there, there’s very little moving, 30 min recess only once a day (son gets 4 hours now). We’re headed into a title 1 school so maybe if school was even good in the least we would have sent him on time.

[Anonymous]

Can you send him to a small private kindergarten, which will probably cost about the same as preschool, and see how he does. Not great - repeat kindergarten when entering public school. Great - enter public school in first grade.

(Public school kindergarten sucks, by the way. I sent two kids through it, and it was like pre-k in terms of barely academic, but much higher expectations for sitting still. My boy did ok but hated it and emotionally wrung out every day from so much sitting; my girl liked it. But I was never impressed with the curriculum and overcrowding. First grade much, much better.)

[Anonymous]

Team spouse. He's going to be so tall, look so much older than his class. And here's the reverse of the high school/college argument - think about how old he will be senior year and how young the girls will be. Get a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

You actually have firsthand experience so he should consider that. Plus it’s possible to skip a grade in the future but they don’t hold back anymore

[Anonymous]

If you look into private schools, all (or almost all) summer boys are redshirted and most girls too. It’s possible he has SN and might be bored if you redshirt, but the much more likely scenario is that he will be much happier, more confident and won’t be labeled as the “bad kid”.

Also, hitting at 4+ is not good. My son is 4 with a March birthday and he hasn’t hit anyone (other than his siblings) in 2 years. I don’t see any of his classmates ever hitting each other. You need to work on that. He can’t be in K and do that.

If I were you I would definitely redshirt.
He will be very much behind in everything especially compared to the girls. Starting behind does a number on your self esteem and on who you think you are going forward.