Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse.

-mom of July son who started on time.

Team spouse. -August mom

Comments like this are disturbing. Shouldn't it be "team child" ?

Also, different for an August child unless the July child's birthday is very late in July & August child very early in August.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team spouse. He's going to be so tall, look so much older than his class. And here's the reverse of the high school/college argument - think about how old he will be senior year and how young the girls will be. Get a lawyer.

Ok Jan

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to worry about this until next year. A lot will change and hopefully help with your decision one way or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you send him to a small private kindergarten, which will probably cost about the same as preschool, and see how he does. Not great - repeat kindergarten when entering public school. Great - enter public school in first grade.

(Public school kindergarten sucks, by the way. I sent two kids through it, and it was like pre-k in terms of barely academic, but much higher expectations for sitting still. My boy did ok but hated it and emotionally wrung out every day from so much sitting; my girl liked it. But I was never impressed with the curriculum and overcrowding. First grade much, much better.)

I love this idea and this is what I would do. I feel there are good arguments in your case for red shirting and not. It is still unclear which will be best. A year in kindergarten at a private school he be perfect. PP is right about public K being terrible. If you sent him the to private K and thought he needed repeating, I’d keep him in the private K for a second year. Only transfer to public school when he is ready for 1st

[Anonymous]

I read a post on this site a few years ago that helped me make the decision. Basically it said that there are 3 reasons to redshirt a kid and if you can check 2 out of the 3 then redshirting might make sense. They are
1. Academically behind his peers.
2. Socially behind his peers.
3. Physically smaller than his peers.

My son has #2 and 3 and we did end up redshirting him. Even though he's the oldest in the class he's also the smallest (he sees and endocrinologist). And even though he's an extreme introvert, he's been able to make a few good friends in his class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to worry about this until next year. A lot will change and hopefully help with your decision one way or another.

+1. Also, in June next year rather than arguing with each other why not consult the pediatrician and the teachers in the child's current school?

[Anonymous]

The teachers will be able to give you a good idea of what the normal range is by the time summer comes. It’s so hard to predict, but you need to consider what it would be like to be bigger than all the other kids in the grade and not interested in what they are interested in, because you have matured past them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read a post on this site a few years ago that helped me make the decision. Basically it said that there are 3 reasons to redshirt a kid and if you can check 2 out of the 3 then redshirting might make sense. They are
1. Academically behind his peers.
2. Socially behind his peers.
3. Physically smaller than his peers.

My son has #2 and 3 and we did end up redshirting him. Even though he's the oldest in the class he's also the smallest (he sees and endocrinologist). And even though he's an extreme introvert, he's been able to make a few good friends in his class.

That makes sense. In this case DS has 1 and 2. He is very inquisitive and clever but very behind in terms of letters, numbers, and counting. My only reservation is height since he is so tall.

A few other details. I want private schools but spouse is opposed due to costs. Fortunately local elementary school is good. Middle is not so I am saving the private school debate until kids are nearer to middle.

[Anonymous]

Your child will be fine. I'm with your spouse. A lot can happen between now and August.

[Anonymous]

OP, you find a cheaper option ... you just do.

Or send him to public K and consider the idea of having him repeat K the following year. Btw, neither you nor your DH has a crystal ball re: the future and either decision -- to redshirt or not -- is reasonable. Chill.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like at least part of your reason is your own experience. Your spouse had a different experience. What does he say when you tell him how you struggled due to being young for your grade? Why does he think your son would have a different experience from yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you find a cheaper option ... you just do.

Or send him to public K and consider the idea of having him repeat K the following year. Btw, neither you nor your DH has a crystal ball re: the future and either decision -- to redshirt or not -- is reasonable. Chill.

Unfortunately this is not a good plan, because these days it’s very very rare that the school will allow it. My good friend grappled with this decision for her son and ultimately came to what felt like a good “non-decision decision” - they sent him, with the idea in the back of their minds that he probably could benefit from another year, but they could have him repeat K if it still seemed like a good idea. However, then the school wouldn’t let him….despite the fact that he struggled socially, academically and behaviorally - and despite the fact that her son’s K teacher even said it would be a really good idea. The administration absolutely would not allow it. My friend and her husband advocated hard and has multiple meetings, going up the chain…but they were stonewalled and told absolutely not, and ultimately were not able to. He’s in 3rd grade now and they still regret it and feel like it really was the wrong decision, but there’s nothing they can do (short of pulling him out for private school, I suppose). All that said, don’t go into it thinking this is an option because very likely it is not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse.

-mom of July son who started on time.

Team spouse. -August mom

Comments like this are disturbing. Shouldn't it be "team child" ?

Also, different for an August child unless the July child's birthday is very late in July & August child very early in August.

Both parents are “team child” I just happen to agree with the spouse.( And I’m sorry I don’t understand your point about the July versus August birthday. They’re both late.?)

I happen to believe that many of those behaviors are typical for that age group. There is a lot of change, both behavior, wise and academically that happens at that age range and a child would benefit from going into kindergarten. Nothing that OP wrote is out of the normal range for that age group in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

I would look for a private K and see how he does. Church schools often have inexpensive private K and a lot of them participate with local after school places for after care if you need it. See how he does there with the benefit of the smaller class sizes and such. You can easily repeat K in public if needed and they won’t give you a hard time about it.

You cannot (the vast majority of the time although there are rare exceptions) repeat public K. Once you start public school, they are going to push and push a kid through the grades no matter what. This becomes a potential problem when the academic expectations get higher in 2nd and certainly in 3rd grade. They push kids through who are very behind in reading in particular with the excuses, “oh every kid learns at their own pace” etc. then suddenly you have a 2nd/3rd grader reading at a K level and now it’s your own problem to fix with your own time and $$$ because the school’s interventions generally won’t do crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No opinions. Just want to note that it is almost impossible to hold a kid back so your decision is pretty much final. If later you think it would be best to repeat a grade, it probably won’t happen.

I don’t say this to add pressure. I am a mom who made the wrong decision and my child struggled his entire school time. And it was really a tremendous amount of work for me to keep him with passing grades.

You can send to a different school for 9th and repeat.