Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only a year into “redshirting” but I feel very relieved we did. My son is in a junior pre-k with all fall birthdays and just this weekend I was talking to another mother in the class who feels the same way I do- that our kids are finally in the right place.

If your sons on the edge of the cutoff and struggling, I would make the change and redshirt. You have very little to lose.

You lose a year of their adult life.

They lose, a year of their adult life. You have a 19 year old in HS for the entire year that can basically do what they want as an adult.

Once again anti redshirters can’t do math. If OP’s kid starts kindergarten right after turning 6, he will be 18 when he graduates. Don’t you have fingers to count on?

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all of the comments, but, would redshirt if you are thinking about it. We didn't for our mid-July son and wish that we had. In his favor is that he is a typical oldest child of the family and naturally has a good disposition and follows rules well. But, the maturity and academics have been a struggle for him.

We opted to redshirt our daughter with an end of August birthday. Yes, it sucked to pay for another year of care, but, she is super well prepared and was very comfortable starting kindergarten. Our hope is that being older and more mature will lend itself towards leadership vs. following the crowd, because she definitely has the younger child wild personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate this red-shirting trend. If your child is age eligible to start send them. We now have Kindergarten classes with huge age swings just because Sally’s or Billy’s parents wanted them to be the tallest, fastest, smartest, the list goes on. Absent extreme situations it’s bullshit in my mind.

Totally agree. And the acceptable redshirting month seems to push earlier and earlier. It used to be just August and maybe some July. Now there are kids in my DD's grade that are March redshirts. In a local mom group, I've seen people consider it for JANUARY birthdays which is just wild to me. My DD is July 22 and the only other July birthday kids we've met are born the year before her with the exception of maybe 3? All August birthday kids we've met were born the year before her. She is quite possibly the youngest in her class and she was born 6 weeks before the cut off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this red-shirting trend. If your child is age eligible to start send them. We now have Kindergarten classes with huge age swings just because Sally’s or Billy’s parents wanted them to be the tallest, fastest, smartest, the list goes on. Absent extreme situations it’s bullshit in my mind.

Totally agree. And the acceptable redshirting month seems to push earlier and earlier. It used to be just August and maybe some July. Now there are kids in my DD's grade that are March redshirts. In a local mom group, I've seen people consider it for JANUARY birthdays which is just wild to me. My DD is July 22 and the only other July birthday kids we've met are born the year before her with the exception of maybe 3? All August birthday kids we've met were born the year before her. She is quite possibly the youngest in her class and she was born 6 weeks before the cut off.

I think it varies a lot by demographic. If it’s this prevalent in the school your kid goes to, then you have two choices:
1. Complain about it and try to get all the other parents to make different decisions for their children
2. Accept that the de facto cut off is December (or whenever) and make your own choices for your own children accordingly.

For what it’s worth, winter redshirting is still quite rare, and unlikely to significantly influence the makeup of your child’s class. But summer redshirting is common in certain demographics. Of the two strategies above, one of them is much more likely to lead to the outcome you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m only a year into “redshirting” but I feel very relieved we did. My son is in a junior pre-k with all fall birthdays and just this weekend I was talking to another mother in the class who feels the same way I do- that our kids are finally in the right place.

If your sons on the edge of the cutoff and struggling, I would make the change and redshirt. You have very little to lose.

You lose a year of their adult life.

They lose, a year of their adult life. You have a 19 year old in HS for the entire year that can basically do what they want as an adult.

Once again anti redshirters can’t do math. If OP’s kid starts kindergarten right after turning 6, he will be 18 when he graduates. Don’t you have fingers to count on?

Correct. My July bday son will be 18 the entirety of his senior year, turning 19 right before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this red-shirting trend. If your child is age eligible to start send them. We now have Kindergarten classes with huge age swings just because Sally’s or Billy’s parents wanted them to be the tallest, fastest, smartest, the list goes on. Absent extreme situations it’s bullshit in my mind.

Totally agree. And the acceptable redshirting month seems to push earlier and earlier. It used to be just August and maybe some July. Now there are kids in my DD's grade that are March redshirts. In a local mom group, I've seen people consider it for JANUARY birthdays which is just wild to me. My DD is July 22 and the only other July birthday kids we've met are born the year before her with the exception of maybe 3? All August birthday kids we've met were born the year before her. She is quite possibly the youngest in her class and she was born 6 weeks before the cut off.

I think it varies a lot by demographic. If it’s this prevalent in the school your kid goes to, then you have two choices:
1. Complain about it and try to get all the other parents to make different decisions for their children
2. Accept that the de facto cut off is December (or whenever) and make your own choices for your own children accordingly.

For what it’s worth, winter redshirting is still quite rare, and unlikely to significantly influence the makeup of your child’s class. But summer redshirting is common in certain demographics. Of the two strategies above, one of them is much more likely to lead to the outcome you want.

Well, too late, she's in 3rd grade now I already made my choice. I just never would've guessed there would be so many redshirts, particularly earlier than July.

[Anonymous]

My DS was not redshirted and has a late June birthday. Overall, it's been fine, his academics are solid, and his maturity level fits with his peers. He's a high school freshman now.

That said, I would have nothing against holding a July birthday back. There isn't a downside. There is no big rush to get him into college. Any tiny bit of maturity that you can eke out of him by being a year older before his freshman year of college is a bonus.

My DS is at the delayed end of the puberty curve, which sucks for him. That's his natural course and he would be behind on that metric even if he was still an eighth grader. It would give him more breathing room, though. But, you can't predict it.

IMO, hold him back if you want to because it'll be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you look into private schools, all (or almost all) summer boys are redshirted and most girls too. It’s possible he has SN and might be bored if you redshirt, but the much more likely scenario is that he will be much happier, more confident and won’t be labeled as the “bad kid”.

Also, hitting at 4+ is not good. My son is 4 with a March birthday and he hasn’t hit anyone (other than his siblings) in 2 years. I don’t see any of his classmates ever hitting each other. You need to work on that. He can’t be in K and do that.

If I were you I would definitely redshirt.
He will be very much behind in everything especially compared to the girls. Starting behind does a number on your self esteem and on who you think you are going forward.

See I would go the other way? I know a few red shirted (big) kids who are now the bullies of the class in elementary. I think you’ll get a lot more grace for behavioral issues if he’s the youngest, especially if he’s huge for the grade. I would be concerned with the hitting at age 4 and don’t know if an extra year of prek will help. I sent my 90+ percentile
June boy on time and he hasn’t had issues socially. He’s very well liked. He is one of the absolute youngest and his grade is extremely red shirt heavy and it’s been fine. As a parent on the other side I really wish the schools would draw the line and only let those within 60 days of the start date red shirt. It is ridiculous that there are Jan/Feb red shirts with a Sep 1 birthday cut off. It’s not really appropriate for kids to turn 7 in Jan of kinder.

[Anonymous]

I have a late June girl who we didn’t redshirt because her preschool teacher insisted she was ready. From my perspective, she was clearly a smart kid, but also quite socially rigid. Kids liked her when she was little, but I wasn’t always sure why! She had to control play— to decide what was happening next. Anyway, that k year was the almost fully virtual year (9/20-6/21). So, she lost a lot of ground socially and we’ve been trying to make it up and work on her social skills… and general emotional regulation ever since. She’s in third grade and she no longer automatically says no to all non-school activities. She started dance. She won’t do after school stuff anymore because she likes to decompress. She is attempting to make new friends beyond the one best friend who was her anchor k-2. Her academics are strong and I just got an email that she has been flagged for enrichment by the county. It is a mixed bag.

I sometimes ponder if our path would have been easier if she were a year older. Maybe I won’t really know until middle school. We are doing some testing this year so we can figure out if we need to do more for her emotional regulation and attention issues. Good luck with your decision. I think it will work out either way.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if OP really wants opinions but I’ll give some thoughts. One is that the studies all show that if you compare kids at 18, the redshirted ones are predictably behind where the others are. Of course if you compare at graduation the redshirted might be ahead.

The fact that he’s tall should be a factor. It becomes a big deal in middle school when some kids tower over others and then really become a focus of attention for good or bad. You may also want to consider when your husband hit puberty and how hairy he is. If he hit puberty on the early side or is a hairy guy, do you want your kid to be the 7th grader with a beard? My kid has a September birthday and I was the 7th grader with a beard coming in. Everyone talked about it.

I’m personally not a big fan of redshirting because I generally think it’s better to have your kid pushing themselves to catch up rather than more advanced and bored. Also you should be aware that as they get older club sports are by birth year so kids that are off cycle for their grade then can’t play with their friends from school.

But every scenario is different and you and your spouse need to figure out a way to come to a decision on this. You both sound totally inflexible which is not great.

[Anonymous]

I would redshirt and wish I had

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this red-shirting trend. If your child is age eligible to start send them. We now have Kindergarten classes with huge age swings just because Sally’s or Billy’s parents wanted them to be the tallest, fastest, smartest, the list goes on. Absent extreme situations it’s bullshit in my mind.

Totally agree. And the acceptable redshirting month seems to push earlier and earlier. It used to be just August and maybe some July. Now there are kids in my DD's grade that are March redshirts. In a local mom group, I've seen people consider it for JANUARY birthdays which is just wild to me. My DD is July 22 and the only other July birthday kids we've met are born the year before her with the exception of maybe 3? All August birthday kids we've met were born the year before her. She is quite possibly the youngest in her class and she was born 6 weeks before the cut off.

I think it varies a lot by demographic. If it’s this prevalent in the school your kid goes to, then you have two choices:
1. Complain about it and try to get all the other parents to make different decisions for their children
2. Accept that the de facto cut off is December (or whenever) and make your own choices for your own children accordingly.

For what it’s worth, winter redshirting is still quite rare, and unlikely to significantly influence the makeup of your child’s class. But summer redshirting is common in certain demographics. Of the two strategies above, one of them is much more likely to lead to the outcome you want.

Well, too late, she's in 3rd grade now I already made my choice. I just never would've guessed there would be so many redshirts, particularly earlier than July.

This -- many of us make these choices well before discovering what kind of culture we are in regarding redshirting. Especially with first or only children.

We are in a jurisdiction where redshirting is really rare because the school district is extremely restrictive about it. So our kid with an August birthday is not out of step and often has kids younger than her in class. However, we are anticipating a move for work at the end of elementary, and the area we are moving to is likely to have a ton of redshirting. I am stressed about it because middle school is hard no matter what, moving for middle school sounds like it could be tricky, and now I need to think about whether DD will be over a year younger than many classmates right as they are all starting puberty. We are working on getting the lay of the land no and considering having her repeat 6th depending on how things line up age-wise and academically, but she's currently working well above grade level in major subjects so that could be a mistake too.

It's not that I expect all the other parents to change their behavior, I'm just noting that redshirting as a practice impacts others, not just your kid. It's like when a bunch of parents give their kids phones really early. Like yes, it's up to them to make that decision for their kids. And also I resent their decision if it makes things harder for me as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I would have him professionally evaluated.

We had friends who were divorcing and redshirting their twins was a major issue. The judge ordered an evaluation. The kids were tested by a specialist who found the DD was likely to succeed in K but the DS was not.

[Anonymous]

Who would do an evaluation like that ?

[Anonymous]

I’m about to enter the DC private school scene with my early April birthday DS4. Redshirting didn’t occur to me until recently when I was asked about it.

-he was a late talker and still has some OT issues
-no behavioral issues
-very tall
-loves sports but is only okay so far

Is this a scenario where locals would redshirt ? Would schools even allow it?