Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the teacher to recommend redshirting. Also get checked for ADHD.

My understanding was that issues such as ADD, ADHD, and dyslexia typically are not identified until the child is around age 7. Is it possible to test for this at age 4?

The standard is 6-7 for diagnosis unless it is a super compelling case.

You can start the diagnosis when you see sign and get therapies and help. Ignoring it and holding back is the worst thing. Putting them with younger kids will hinder development as their peer models are a year younger and age appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Who handles more of the daily school stuff (homework, meetings, etc), you or DH? If it's your wheelhouse, tell him that this is one of the tradeoffs of you having so much responsibility for school stuff: you get to make the decisions that will affect you more.

These are other arguments:

1) If he goes on to struggle, the amount of money and time you will spend address that will surpass the extra year of preschool

2) once he does K anywhere, there is pretty much a 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat K unless you pay for private school (which will likely be more than the extra year of preschool)

3) if he struggles in school for any year there is 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat a grade, unless you move him to private, which will be more than the year of preK

4) IRL, no one regrets red shirting, though there are always crazy women on the internet who make up all kinds of stuff

[Anonymous]

Put him in a catholic kindergarten, see how he acts during thenyear, then decide whether to put him in K or 1st at a public School.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read everything. I’d call your school and ask them how they recommend you thing through this. I’d also ask your pediatrician if they have any recommendations, and your day care, recognizing that daycare may have a bias towards keeping your kid a year longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% chance I’d redshirt a July boy.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

Since he is tall I would send him on time. Tall and mischievous and rowdy and redshirted sounds like a bully in the making.

[Anonymous]

OP, all these details sound so familiar! We had a late July birthday boy born 4 weeks early and in the 90% for height. We did redshirt. He’s now in 9th grade and I still think it was the right decision for him. He’s on par with his friends in maturity and has to work pretty hard to maintain decent grades (definitely harder than his sibling who rarely studies and gets all As). By late middle school, most of his friends had a growth spurt and he wasn’t much taller than them anymore. Not sure exactly where he stands now, maybe slightly over 6ft. Good luck with your decision!

[Anonymous]

I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

This person has no idea what they are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who handles more of the daily school stuff (homework, meetings, etc), you or DH? If it's your wheelhouse, tell him that this is one of the tradeoffs of you having so much responsibility for school stuff: you get to make the decisions that will affect you more.

These are other arguments:

1) If he goes on to struggle, the amount of money and time you will spend address that will surpass the extra year of preschool

2) once he does K anywhere, there is pretty much a 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat K unless you pay for private school (which will likely be more than the extra year of preschool)

3) if he struggles in school for any year there is 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat a grade, unless you move him to private, which will be more than the year of preK

4) IRL, no one regrets red shirting, though there are always crazy women on the internet who make up all kinds of stuff

Yes, there are people IRL who regret redshirting and aren’t making it up. You haven’t met every parent in the country.

To OP- I would focus on readiness and weigh your decision on that more than size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

This person has no idea what they are talking about.

Yes they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who handles more of the daily school stuff (homework, meetings, etc), you or DH? If it's your wheelhouse, tell him that this is one of the tradeoffs of you having so much responsibility for school stuff: you get to make the decisions that will affect you more.

These are other arguments:

1) If he goes on to struggle, the amount of money and time you will spend address that will surpass the extra year of preschool

2) once he does K anywhere, there is pretty much a 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat K unless you pay for private school (which will likely be more than the extra year of preschool)

3) if he struggles in school for any year there is 0% chance that he will be allowed to repeat a grade, unless you move him to private, which will be more than the year of preK

4) IRL, no one regrets red shirting, though there are always crazy women on the internet who make up all kinds of stuff

Yes, there are people IRL who regret redshirting and aren’t making it up. You haven’t met every parent in the country.

To OP- I would focus on readiness and weigh your decision on that more than size.

I regretted it and kid skipped a grade to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

This person has no idea what they are talking about.

Yes they do.

Prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re doing a disservice to the child by keeping him behind his peers. He should go on time. Kids learn and grow a lot more in kindergarten than in prek. Why hold him back? I don’t think size has anything to do with this. A really tall or really small kid will be tall or small whether at the front end or back end age wise in a grade. What are you gaining by holding him back? All the readiness will come as he matures with more mature children. Being young can be a great advantage you have lots of great role models and constantly learning. Being the oldest can cause boredom, laziness etc. the only skills you need for kindergarten are being able to use the bathroom independently.

This person has no idea what they are talking about.

Yes they do.

Prove it.

You prove why it's right to hold a child back for arbitrary reasons. Keeping a child behind changes their peer group to a younger group so your child isn't maturing, they are being held to a lower standard, which hurts them. They are the roll models as the older kids.

We listened to all the hold back non-sense. It was a huge mistake. Our child skipped a grade to make up for it. I don't get why people push holding kids back except to justify their own choices.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Can you send him to a small private kindergarten, which will probably cost about the same as preschool, and see how he does. Not great - repeat kindergarten when entering public school. Great - enter public school in first grade.

(Public school kindergarten sucks, by the way. I sent two kids through it, and it was like pre-k in terms of barely academic, but much higher expectations for sitting still. My boy did ok but hated it and emotionally wrung out every day from so much sitting; my girl liked it. But I was never impressed with the curriculum and overcrowding. First grade much, much better.)

I came here today this. It buys you time to make a more informed decision.