Spouse and I disagree about redshirting son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have him professionally evaluated.

We had friends who were divorcing and redshirting their twins was a major issue. The judge ordered an evaluation. The kids were tested by a specialist who found the DD was likely to succeed in K but the DS was not.

Oof that sounds like a nightmare because those kids were already going through a parent divorce at a young age with parents who could not reach agreement on a fundamental education decision, and now a stranger has decided that one twin will be a year behind the other all the way through school. Even if the professional evaluation was 100% correct regarding readiness, it is not accounting for the family implications of splitting up twins by grade and how that could impact their relationship to each other and with the family has a whole.

Sometimes I wish regular schools operated like Montessori with age groupings instead of specific ages, especially for younger kids. If K and 1st were combined with a teaching team and more small groups, you could start all kids on time but still meet their needs according to maturity. I guess then you'd still run into the issue of when you pass kids on to 2nd, but I wonder if there would be fewer borderline cases if we were making these evaluations at age 7 instead of age 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m about to enter the DC private school scene with my early April birthday DS4. Redshirting didn’t occur to me until recently when I was asked about it.

-he was a late talker and still has some OT issues
-no behavioral issues
-very tall
-loves sports but is only okay so far

Is this a scenario where locals would redshirt ? Would schools even allow it?

You need to think about this from the school's perspective and that's how you find your answer. Private schools operate differently than publics in this way because they don't have to accept all students or meet all students' needs. So you need to be careful about how you frame this.

Regarding the developmental issues, you should be VERY cautious about how you discuss/approach it with schools. A public school would HAVE to take your kid no matter any special needs, so they would approach that conversation with "okay what's the right level." A private doesn't. So they might look at the late talking and OT and just say "oh it seems like we aren't the best fit." So be very careful. Privates counsel out kids that they think will be a resource drain or drag standards down.

On the other hand, many privates essentially encourage redshirting in order to ensure all kids are starting K with a certain academic readiness. So if it's framed as just "we wanted to do an extra year of PK to ensure he was grade level with his pre-literacy," many schools will not only be fine with it, they might encourage it.

Most schools will not care about his height or athletic prowess, at least not out loud, though schools (especially K-8s) that have an athletic focus may subtly steer families towards redshirting kids who are small for their age. Again, because it will benefit the school in the long run to have more kids who are physically more mature.

Anyway, I'd approach this on a school-by-school basis. But don't present yourself like a charity case "oh my poor son he's just not ready." Again, they don't have to take him at all. Instead you need to assert the need for redshirting in ways that appeal to the school's best interest. I highly recommend talking to any friends who have kids already at the school, especially if any redshirted. They can give you the inside scoop.

[Anonymous]

Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

That’s a huge generalization. My DD is one of the youngest, and I’ve heard from every teacher that she’s a leader in class. That’s just her personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

That’s a huge generalization. My DD is one of the youngest, and I’ve heard from every teacher that she’s a leader in class. That’s just her personality.

No one is talking about your daughter specifically. It is a generalization. Not a huge one, one that is true more
often than not. The youngest kids in class are generally looking for cues from others: be is social, academic, behavioral..opposite for the oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

That’s a huge generalization. My DD is one of the youngest, and I’ve heard from every teacher that she’s a leader in class. That’s just her personality.

No one is talking about your daughter specifically. It is a generalization. Not a huge one, one that is true more
often than not. The youngest kids in class are generally looking for cues from others: be is social, academic, behavioral..opposite for the oldest. [/quote

I’m not an idiot, of course you aren’t talking specifically about a child you don’t even know. I’m just saying it’s a huge generalization. Several of my DD’s friends in her non-school activity are young for her grade like her and they are very similar. Our neighbor friend that is over a year older and in DD’s grade is a shy follower… I think it’s more inherent personality than anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If spouse won’t respond to the “let’s give him the gift of time” argument…try using the driving argument (of he enters K at 4 yrs, when he is a sophomore, all his buddies will be getting their driver’s licenses and he’ll be a year behind)…and he’ll be entering college as a 17-year-old. Why??

And finally, if you do have him go ahead in kindergarten and it turns out that he has a hard time with it and you change your minds in a couple of years, you’ll have to face the dilemma of holding him back a grade in school, and this never goes well.

In short, there are so many reasons not to push him into kindergarten before he’s emotionally ready.

He is a July birthday. He would start college at 18.

He’ll still be graduating from HS as a 17-year-old though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If spouse won’t respond to the “let’s give him the gift of time” argument…try using the driving argument (of he enters K at 4 yrs, when he is a sophomore, all his buddies will be getting their driver’s licenses and he’ll be a year behind)…and he’ll be entering college as a 17-year-old. Why??

And finally, if you do have him go ahead in kindergarten and it turns out that he has a hard time with it and you change your minds in a couple of years, you’ll have to face the dilemma of holding him back a grade in school, and this never goes well.

In short, there are so many reasons not to push him into kindergarten before he’s emotionally ready.

He is a July birthday. He would start college at 18.

He’ll still be graduating from HS as a 17-year-old though?

So what? There's nothing magical that happens in terms of maturity the moment you turn 18. Every single person is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m about to enter the DC private school scene with my early April birthday DS4. Redshirting didn’t occur to me until recently when I was asked about it.

-he was a late talker and still has some OT issues
-no behavioral issues
-very tall
-loves sports but is only okay so far

Is this a scenario where locals would redshirt ? Would schools even allow it?

Why would you hold him back? He’s better off being with peers his age. If he’s talking well now he’s not a true late talker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m about to enter the DC private school scene with my early April birthday DS4. Redshirting didn’t occur to me until recently when I was asked about it.

-he was a late talker and still has some OT issues
-no behavioral issues
-very tall
-loves sports but is only okay so far

Is this a scenario where locals would redshirt ? Would schools even allow it?

I would consult the school about academic placement. I would not redshirt an April kid though unless he was tested and determined by that specific school to not be eligible to start K

[Anonymous]

I had no interest in red shirting my April birthday son and I’ve always wondered if that’s why he was rejected from a not-all-that-hard-to-get-into private school (but it worked out— he got into a magnet program at our public school and thrived there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a July birthday and currently 4. He is very clever but also immature compared to his peers, mischievous and “active”. He is significantly behind where his older sibling was at his age regarding letters and numbers. He has more behavioral issues at preschool compared to his siblings; he still will sometimes hit his friend if he wants a toy for example. I should mention that he is very tall in the 98% for his age group despite born 4 weeks premature.

Given these factors I want to redshirt, spouse does not. Spouse thinks that since overall DS is fine, he good to begin kindergarten next year. part of spouse’s motivation is financial, even though we can afford it, obviously day care is expensive. I had the experience of starting Kindergarten at age 4 and struggled socially and emotionally as a teenager.

I am not sure how to proceed given that my feelings about DS readiness are unlikely to change. Seeking suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation.

Not having read anything beyond the first post, my advice is to let him attend K this fall. It is easier to repeat a grade in the future, if necessary, than it is to skip a grade even when the child is clearly advanced. Physical size shouldn't factor into your decision. Repeating K is not all that uncommon. Whatever happens or whatever you decide, you and your husband are good parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

That’s a huge generalization. My DD is one of the youngest, and I’ve heard from every teacher that she’s a leader in class. That’s just her personality.

No one is talking about your daughter specifically. It is a generalization. Not a huge one, one that is true more
often than not. The youngest kids in class are generally looking for cues from others: be is social, academic, behavioral..opposite for the oldest.

It is a huge generalization. I have a younger to the grade child and they are far more advanced academically. and in other ways. The oldest are not developmentally on target as their peer group is much younger and they are being held to a younger standard than they should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had no interest in red shirting my April birthday son and I’ve always wondered if that’s why he was rejected from a not-all-that-hard-to-get-into private school (but it worked out— he got into a magnet program at our public school and thrived there).

The schools want the older kids as it's easier for them. It's not about the kids or the kids needs at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want your child to be a leader or follower? Being the youngest or oldest in class does have a heavy influence on their character and the traits they develop.

That’s a huge generalization. My DD is one of the youngest, and I’ve heard from every teacher that she’s a leader in class. That’s just her personality.

No one is talking about your daughter specifically. It is a generalization. Not a huge one, one that is true more
often than not. The youngest kids in class are generally looking for cues from others: be is social, academic, behavioral..opposite for the oldest.

Would you rather have a leader in first grade (redshirt) or a leader in later school years (youngest) -

https://www.newyorker.com/tech/annals-of-technology/youngest-kid-smartest-kid

There are advantages to being the youngest...