Moving as soon as kids in college?

[Anonymous]

We also plan to move but will wait until our youngest graduates from college. It feels important to us that they have a “home” until they are independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also plan to move but will wait until our youngest graduates from college. It feels important to us that they have a “home” until they are independent.

Right. You’re still changing their diapers. We get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

If she were such a good mom she wouldn’t have such a selfish and infantile kid.

We know nothing about the kid. Only that she MAY be homesick.

A kid who fought to overcome lifelong learning challenges.

A kid who beat the odds to even make it to college at all.

The hardest-working kid I know.

The polar opposite of prior PP’s ignorant and offensive characterization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

If she were such a good mom she wouldn’t have such a selfish and infantile kid.

We know nothing about the kid. Only that she MAY be homesick.

A kid who fought to overcome lifelong learning challenges.

A kid who beat the odds to even make it to college at all.

The hardest-working kid I know.

The polar opposite of prior PP’s ignorant and offensive characterization.

Well, you buried the lead so that poster’s response should have been expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

If she were such a good mom she wouldn’t have such a selfish and infantile kid.

We know nothing about the kid. Only that she MAY be homesick.

A kid who fought to overcome lifelong learning challenges.

A kid who beat the odds to even make it to college at all.

The hardest-working kid I know.

The polar opposite of prior PP’s ignorant and offensive characterization.

Well, you buried the lead so that poster’s response should have been expected.

The point is, a kid doesn’t have to be all of the above to be homesick. And being homesick does not make a kid - any kid - selfish and infantile.

That PP is just a jerk - apparently for the sport of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am sincerely grateful for all the thoughtful replies. I think this must resonate with a lot of people because we've all experienced this when we left home, and we are also seeing our kids go through it.

So many posters had nuanced comments about how it may be hard or sad for kids, but that they can and should accept it, as it is our time now to live our lives. I was expecting more posters to say that I needed to put their needs first, but most of you said the reverse, or something in between.

And yes, as one of the previous posters said, we have stayed here much longer than we ever would have just for them – something that they can't really appreciate. So we have already been putting their needs first for a while.

Thanks everyone. And good luck to you all.

OP:

Thanks for a sincere post. I't doesn't happen on DCUM often. We have also been putting their needs first - something that I begrudgingly loved. We lived our carefree life prior to having kids. I will do anything for them, but it is also the right time to understand that as married "old" adults, we only have so much time left to enjoy each other and the "bucket list" we have both had in life.

We have a freshman in college and another on the way in a year. We have decided to keep our house until our youngest kid finishes the first semester of college.

We have decided to sell our house and buy a three bedroom condo in our neighborhood as a "base" for us and our kids to come home to and enjoy time with their friends while still staying in G'Town. We also just placed an offer on a home in Italy. We plan to spend 3 months at a time there then come back to DC for visits and to see our kids and friends.

The place in Italy will be be a spot that our children will cherish when they are older and a place that we can enjoy with our friends now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We also plan to move but will wait until our youngest graduates from college. It feels important to us that they have a “home” until they are independent.

Right. You’re still changing their diapers. We get it.

DP. You are awful. I hope the nurse no home treats you well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

If she were such a good mom she wouldn’t have such a selfish and infantile kid.

We know nothing about the kid. Only that she MAY be homesick.

A kid who fought to overcome lifelong learning challenges.

A kid who beat the odds to even make it to college at all.

The hardest-working kid I know.

The polar opposite of prior PP’s ignorant and offensive characterization.

I am the PP who said you were a good mom.
I still stand by it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am sincerely grateful for all the thoughtful replies. I think this must resonate with a lot of people because we've all experienced this when we left home, and we are also seeing our kids go through it.

So many posters had nuanced comments about how it may be hard or sad for kids, but that they can and should accept it, as it is our time now to live our lives. I was expecting more posters to say that I needed to put their needs first, but most of you said the reverse, or something in between.

And yes, as one of the previous posters said, we have stayed here much longer than we ever would have just for them – something that they can't really appreciate. So we have already been putting their needs first for a while.

Thanks everyone. And good luck to you all.

OP:

Thanks for a sincere post. I't doesn't happen on DCUM often. We have also been putting their needs first - something that I begrudgingly loved. We lived our carefree life prior to having kids. I will do anything for them, but it is also the right time to understand that as married "old" adults, we only have so much time left to enjoy each other and the "bucket list" we have both had in life.

We have a freshman in college and another on the way in a year. We have decided to keep our house until our youngest kid finishes the first semester of college.

We have decided to sell our house and buy a three bedroom condo in our neighborhood as a "base" for us and our kids to come home to and enjoy time with their friends while still staying in G'Town. We also just placed an offer on a home in Italy. We plan to spend 3 months at a time there then come back to DC for visits and to see our kids and friends.

The place in Italy will be be a spot that our children will cherish when they are older and a place that we can enjoy with our friends now.

Sounds lovely!

You’re also not really moving if your kids are able to return to their neighborhood, if not their old house.

[Anonymous]

What do you plan on doing with their "stuff"?
In college I could not take possession of my personal things I left at home, not until I had my first apartment. The downsizing can be tricky since I am sure you do not want to be a storage place in your next home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously this is your call to make, not your children's, but since you asked for input...

I've noticed that returning home (real home) from college can be very grounding and comforting to adult children. The stability of being able to return the place that is home to them---not simply the structure, but the surroundings, the roads, the places they like to frequent, and of course, their high school friends. There's a comfort to it which shouldn't be underestimated. A sense of place that provides a sense of comfort coming from the adjustment and chaos of living in a dorm or college apartment.

Removing that sense of place can be hard on some kids. Some more than others. Knowing your kids, you would be the best judge of how much that might impact them.

Ideally, if you can, I'd wait a few years to provide that sense of stability and grounding during a time of transition. Eventually it becomes less important, even if still meaningful. I think it's an easier change for them to adapt to after they establish their adult lives post-college and make a more permanent move to a place of their own. Or even after 2 years of college.

That decision is a luxury of course, and if you have to move, you have to move. But if it's a choice with flexibility, I'd wait a few years.

+1 OP, it is okay to make a choice for you, that would be completely valid. And, what this poster shares is very true in my experience. My Aunt and Uncle moved for a job right when my cousin started college and to be honest, it was quite destabilizing for him. Though it was a new state so that made a difference. But he would tell you it was pretty hard. He got through it, as your kids would so it doesn't have to be a complete dealbreaker but it took him awhile to get his feet under him in college and that was certainly a piece of it. And then he would say he never really felt like he had a "home" since high school. Which is just really de-stablizing for a young adult.

If you can wait a few years, it may be worth it but it really does depend on your kids as well. You know your kids best. Some kids will do just fine with this. others it will be harder. My sense from your post is it may be quite hard on yours since they are deeply connected to the place you raised them and are still building those relationships. I am still close with my high school friends and it has been a very stablizing set of relationships in my life so I have to admit I'm sensitive to that.

[Anonymous]

+10000 to the comments to make it a fun place to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am sincerely grateful for all the thoughtful replies. I think this must resonate with a lot of people because we've all experienced this when we left home, and we are also seeing our kids go through it.

So many posters had nuanced comments about how it may be hard or sad for kids, but that they can and should accept it, as it is our time now to live our lives. I was expecting more posters to say that I needed to put their needs first, but most of you said the reverse, or something in between.

And yes, as one of the previous posters said, we have stayed here much longer than we ever would have just for them – something that they can't really appreciate. So we have already been putting their needs first for a while.

Thanks everyone. And good luck to you all.

OP:

Thanks for a sincere post. I't doesn't happen on DCUM often. We have also been putting their needs first - something that I begrudgingly loved. We lived our carefree life prior to having kids. I will do anything for them, but it is also the right time to understand that as married "old" adults, we only have so much time left to enjoy each other and the "bucket list" we have both had in life.

We have a freshman in college and another on the way in a year. We have decided to keep our house until our youngest kid finishes the first semester of college.

We have decided to sell our house and buy a three bedroom condo in our neighborhood as a "base" for us and our kids to come home to and enjoy time with their friends while still staying in G'Town. We also just placed an offer on a home in Italy. We plan to spend 3 months at a time there then come back to DC for visits and to see our kids and friends.

The place in Italy will be be a spot that our children will cherish when they are older and a place that we can enjoy with our friends now.

This is pretty great pp! A happy medium for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one DC who's a sophomore at UMCP, and our second child (and only other child) will likely also be attending an in-state school.

Dh and I have been eager to move for years, because neither of us like our house (tear down in MoCo) and we want to move to a lower cost area. We want to stay in Maryland but will probably look an hour or two from our current location.

Problem is that both kids are very attached to their friends in the immediate neighborhood and area. We've lived here since they were born and they have a tight group of very close friends. Older DC comes home regularly and hangs out with friends (holidays, over the summer).

DH and I would love to move as soon as younger son goes to college. We think that after sophomore year of college this really changes as kids start to do internships and spend less time at home but we're not sure. We also think kids could adapt and drive from new house to visit their friends, though it to our drive could make this hard.

What do others think – stay here for four more years in a house that we don't like at all (and will likely need to spend expensive repairs on), or move once younger son is a freshman and figure that they will adapt and that it won't be a big deal?

Based on your own experience as a young adult in college, and from what you've seen with other kids, how often do kids generally spend time with friends during college? How destabilizing would it be for them?

Are you moving towards the eastern shore / Atlantic beaches or towards Cumberland. I would think the actual location matters.

Also, if internships are likely to happen in DC area, would imagine they would like to save on rent.

This ^^ - just as something to consider on the "reasons to stay" column - but in the end, you are the one deciding which factors have more weight on the pros vs cons tradeoffs when making the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

And if your kid doesn’t like the idea, which I guarantee you they won’t, what will you do? Not move? That would be silly.

not silly if you give a rats ass about your kid.

Where does it end? How long does one have to stay? Can you sell it when your kid marries? Has a kid of their own? Or do you have to stay forever because "we allllllllways have had Christmas in this house!"