Moving as soon as kids in college?

[Anonymous]

Op - my parents moving jumped-started my adult life. They sold our house as I was graduating from HS. I went to an out of state school because it then had become in-state for tuition. Vacations and summers were in an area where I knew no one. Sure, I may not have liked that they moved, at the time. I never thought, for a moment, that I had any say. If you want to do it, I think you do it. BUT don't expect them to want to hear all your excitement for it.

I knew, even for summers in college, if I wanted to be somewhere else, I had to come up with a plan. Where was I going to live? How much would it cost and what summer job was I going to get to pay for it. What skills did I need to land this kind of job, a job that actually payed the rent, where I could support myself. It was a head-start on my independent financial life. I was a bit jealous of friends who loafed at their parent's house, went to their parent's country club and lounged by the pool in summer but I knew those were lifestyle luxuries they had not earned. I felt, overall, I was ahead of those peers in establishing an adult independent life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved from our kids’ childhood home in a close in suburb to downtown DC when our youngest was in their second year at an in state college. Our kids had grown up in the house, it was a center of teenaged activity, and they loved it and had many happy memories and friends.

They got over it, and quickly.

Your kids will too.

It’s time for you to live your own life now.

we've moved all over the world and will again when our oldest goes to college most likely. and then again when our second goes to college. i wonder about all this too.

but i will say that being a kid with a place in DC as a college student who hangs out with hs friends feels different than moving from DC to the suburbs

[Anonymous]

My parents moved right after I graduated. I did not appreciate t but I had my grandparents' and friends' houses to stay at when I wanted to visit so that was fine. My parents understood too. They were also busy with my 2 sisters still in hs.

Now I love where they moved and I am glad they do not still live in my hometown. It has really broadened my horizon's and my own family's. I plan to do the same when my youngest graduates but I am moving to a location and a house where it is easy and fun to visit.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids drive? They can always drive ti see their friends.

[Anonymous]

I will just make this comment...move somewhere that your kids will legitimately want to visit when they are older and have kids. It is a chore to visit family out of obligation in a place that few people realistically would ever visit if not that their parents moved there (and once you are gone...probably will never visit again).

I mean, unless there is some reason that family really wants to visit Hagerstown (just coming up with a location an hour or two from MoCo), you will get the minimum visits and then wonder why the in-laws with their FL home or even their Ocean City, MD home get tons of visits.


+1000 Also make it easy to get to. My parents moved to the middle of nowhere and now we see them only 1x/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved from our kids’ childhood home in a close in suburb to downtown DC when our youngest was in their second year at an in state college. Our kids had grown up in the house, it was a center of teenaged activity, and they loved it and had many happy memories and friends.

They got over it, and quickly.

Your kids will too.

It’s time for you to live your own life now.

What in state college? Did you have to start paying out of state tuition?

UVA

[Anonymous]

OP: We will be in the same boat in a few years and really curious where we would move outside of MoCo but in MD. We hate our house too. But every time we talk about where we would go in MD, we come up empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

If she were such a good mom she wouldn’t have such a selfish and infantile kid.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe how much so many of you baby your kids and how selfish your kids are. You need to loosen the apron strings and they need to stop thinking only about themselves. Once they go to college, they are adults. They should not expect you to put your life on the shelf while they are gone. Stop being martyrs and live your lives.

[Anonymous]

OP, be sure to check on the in-state validation needed to maintain the status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: We will be in the same boat in a few years and really curious where we would move outside of MoCo but in MD. We hate our house too. But every time we talk about where we would go in MD, we come up empty.

Maybe too pricy for you…but can you rent in a couple of MD locations for say 30-60 days a pop and see how you like it?

Eastern shore places are nice…Deep Creek is of course the other way but also has its charm. Ocean City has the cheese factor…but it’s fun and lots to do (though admittedly, not sure how dead it is during winter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this same predicament coming for us . I'm dying to move-I don't want to spend retirement in DC (or really another minute than I have to). There is just so much world out there that I want to experience.

My kids though are very attached to their neighborhood. My son in particular has been part of the same group of 6 friends since he was 4 years old. They're they're like old men--they eat breakfast together on the weekends, etc. if I uproot him he's going to be unmoored.

We have also had discussions about this. When my Junior in upper school goes to college (we have a freshman in college now) we will give it a year for both kids to come back to our house and hang out with friends. After that we are selling our house.

We plan to buy a three bedroom condo in DC so we (and the kids) are still connected to the community and our friends. We are also looking for property in Europe. Italy and Greece are our top destinations.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am sincerely grateful for all the thoughtful replies. I think this must resonate with a lot of people because we've all experienced this when we left home, and we are also seeing our kids go through it.

So many posters had nuanced comments about how it may be hard or sad for kids, but that they can and should accept it, as it is our time now to live our lives. I was expecting more posters to say that I needed to put their needs first, but most of you said the reverse, or something in between.

And yes, as one of the previous posters said, we have stayed here much longer than we ever would have just for them – something that they can't really appreciate. So we have already been putting their needs first for a while.

Thanks everyone. And good luck to you all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

And if your kid doesn’t like the idea, which I guarantee you they won’t, what will you do? Not move? That would be silly.

not silly if you give a rats ass about your kid.

[Anonymous]

My niece is in her 4th year of college and doesn’t want to come home. She said nothing has changed. She doesn’t want to go back home to the same house, same furniture, same old HS friends she no longer hangs out with, and stay in the same place she left 4 years ago. She outgrew it. Something for parents to consider….not all kids will feel that way but it was a true thought worth noting.