Moving as soon as kids in college?

[Anonymous]

What until they are done with college. We have a first year and a third year. Both are spending all non-family time this holiday week with friends. For Christmas, both are home between 3-4 weeks, and we've got a 10-day trip planned for family time, because I know if I didn't do that, the same would happen over winter break

[Anonymous]

My parents moved when I went away to college, problem was they didn’t tell me where they moved. I got over it. They will too, especially if you let them know where you moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was always a little sad that her parents moved from her childhood home while she was in college. It was the childhood house itself/sense of home she missed, not the distance from high school friends. Same for my college boyfriend who once took me for a sentimental walk in his childhood Bethesda neighborhood.

Since you care about their emotions, you might consider moving in the summer so they can "say goodbye" properly.

In my opinion, a high school graduate is fully raised and you can move as soon as the younger graduates.

Keep in mind that today's young people are regularly in touch by phone and Internet and don't really need geographic proximity as much as pre-Millennials to stay connected in a daily sense. Also young people aren't as bored by driving as long term commuters. When I lived in the DMV, because I worked in DC, my boyfriend and friends were all 45 mins to 1 hour drive away due to being in harder to reach areas like Georgetown or on the opposite side of DC from me. It wasn't a big deal to make time to visit them.

Finally, you could tell your kids what you are thinking and see what they say.

Agreed that kids stay in touch with each other so much more than we know and so much easier than we did. And agree that young kids like road trips to visit friends. Good luck to you OP; I’m curious too regarding if the kids from HS all stay friends and socialize. For my son’s sake, I hope so. He’s a freshman in college, sees many HS friends on breaks and I know he misses the tightness they had. Still have it, but it changes over time I’m sure. Internships, girlfriends/boyfriends, jobs will all take them in different directions. But bonds will last and with your kids too. Talk to your kids….they might love the idea!

[Anonymous]

I see this same predicament coming for us . I'm dying to move-I don't want to spend retirement in DC (or really another minute than I have to). There is just so much world out there that I want to experience.

My kids though are very attached to their neighborhood. My son in particular has been part of the same group of 6 friends since he was 4 years old. They're they're like old men--they eat breakfast together on the weekends, etc. if I uproot him he's going to be unmoored.

[Anonymous]

I get the attachment that kids have to their house, neighborhood and friends, etc. And so if you move their sadness will be real. My oldest is a junior in college and while she loves coming home she really spends barely any time here anymore (school breaks she’s usually traveling for school activities and summers she has done internships elsewhere.) so if it were really important to me and my happiness to move to another place, I would do that, acknowledging the sadness that kids might feel. But once they have their own lives in place, it’s really OK for you to make some decisions about yours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this same predicament coming for us . I'm dying to move-I don't want to spend retirement in DC (or really another minute than I have to). There is just so much world out there that I want to experience.

My kids though are very attached to their neighborhood. My son in particular has been part of the same group of 6 friends since he was 4 years old. They're they're like old men--they eat breakfast together on the weekends, etc. if I uproot him he's going to be unmoored.

Same here, son has been friends with his group since kindergarten with nice kids joining throughout the years. I hope they stay friends. First year college, so time will tell. But they really do stay in contact throughout the year so much more easily than we did. I’ve always imagined that college friends would be the lifelong friends (maybe I’ve seen too many movies), but time will tell.

OP, good luck with your decision. Talk to your kids. And you will still be a few hrs away; you’re not thinking of moving across the country. If the time is right with you, your family, the real estate market, then go for it!

[Anonymous]

We aren't doing it - we always said we would do it but we don't want to now - the kids still come home (one college senior and one college freshman) and they love coming home and having a home base - their friends and jobs are nearby and we want to foster their relationships and home base. I know we can move and they would be fine, but we love having the home for them to feel like they can come home too. Both kids have been home a decent amount of time over fall breaks, winter and summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

And if your kid doesn’t like the idea, which I guarantee you they won’t, what will you do? Not move? That would be silly.

My kids would want me stay in their childhood home forever. So I get it. But when our youngest is a sophomore in college, I plan to bring this up with them, tell them we are moving, and ask them if there is anything we can do to make it easier for them. Shows them you consider them, offer to change your timeline slightly or whatever they ask for that makes sense, but also don’t let them guilt you out of the decision best for you.

[Anonymous]

My parents moved out of my childhood home during my sophomore year and it was really sad. As I was flying back to college I knew I’d never see my childhood areas or friends again (my parents moved out of state). I did never see them again and it’s depressing to think about. But you’ve got to do what’s right for you at the end of the day. There will never be a perfect time for you to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents moved when I went away to college, problem was they didn’t tell me where they moved. I got over it. They will too, especially if you let them know where you moved.

What? Did you ever speak to them again?!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to feel an obligation to stay for a long time. But you may consider staying through the summer after your younger’s first year. That might be the only year they come home for summer. Or at least after winter break freshman year. This gives them the experience of coming home to their child hood room and home. They may be a little homesick or just have a new appreciation of home after being away.

Our younger son is a first year and home for the first time this semester now. He made the comment that everything in his room seems so small. He is happy to be here (this is a kid that couldn’t wait to leave is loves school so far).

My parents moved to a different state in my sophomore year of high school. It was fine, but the experience motivated me to give my kids at least a few years of coming back to the same house. We aren’t really ready to move so it was an easy decision. But just something for you to think about.

[Anonymous]

You do what you need to, and often parents have already deferred moves for kids, which will never be appreciated. But it is definitely both upsetting and disruptive to college kids. They loose easy access to HS friends, and they'll see the grass greener when all those friends have their childhood home to return to. They also lose convenient access to childhood connections that may lead to internships and jobs.

We moved cross country, were briefly closer to our oldest in school, but a week after graduation she took a job back in DC. So that's all good, but it would have been smoother with a family home base. A cousin found a dream home out of state and quickly sold their home and moved into a one bedroom apartment while the move was sorted. Then COVID and two college students had nowhere to be. One slept on the apartment couch, the other moved in with boyfriend's family. So that can't be planned for, but the move turned out badly. He's a pilot and before could live anywhere and fly standby to home base, now that excess capacity is gone, and he's had to keep an apartment and only live at the new house a couple weekends a month, with another decade until retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one DC who's a sophomore at UMCP, and our second child (and only other child) will likely also be attending an in-state school.

Dh and I have been eager to move for years, because neither of us like our house (tear down in MoCo) and we want to move to a lower cost area. We want to stay in Maryland but will probably look an hour or two from our current location.

Problem is that both kids are very attached to their friends in the immediate neighborhood and area. We've lived here since they were born and they have a tight group of very close friends. Older DC comes home regularly and hangs out with friends (holidays, over the summer).

DH and I would love to move as soon as younger son goes to college. We think that after sophomore year of college this really changes as kids start to do internships and spend less time at home but we're not sure. We also think kids could adapt and drive from new house to visit their friends, though it to our drive could make this hard.

What do others think – stay here for four more years in a house that we don't like at all (and will likely need to spend expensive repairs on), or move once younger son is a freshman and figure that they will adapt and that it won't be a big deal?

Based on your own experience as a young adult in college, and from what you've seen with other kids, how often do kids generally spend time with friends during college? How destabilizing would it be for them?

I will just make this comment...move somewhere that your kids will legitimately want to visit when they are older and have kids. It is a chore to visit family out of obligation in a place that few people realistically would ever visit if not that their parents moved there (and once you are gone...probably will never visit again).

I mean, unless there is some reason that family really wants to visit Hagerstown (just coming up with a location an hour or two from MoCo), you will get the minimum visits and then wonder why the in-laws with their FL home or even their Ocean City, MD home get tons of visits.

[Anonymous]

First, I would do everything to create stability in the lives of my kids so that they can concentrate on themselves.

My eldest came home during COVID. Finished education and now works in DMV area. This was not his original plan but he had several terrific internship opportunities and then a job opportunity and having a home in DMV made it easier for him to avail of this opportunity.

However, if it is financially ruinous for you to stay in your current house then it will be foolish to not move. However, your kids need to sit with you and have a long discussion about what to do about the situation.

[Anonymous]

We plan on downsizing and it will be around the time our daughter graduates. She is aware of it. We just have too much house and it is a pain to maintain. The timing is also coincides when my wife can retire from the government. We want the healthcare insurance. We have 5 years to think about where to move. May remain local or move elsewhere. I may retire at the time or continue to work part time to keep busy.