Moving as soon as kids in college?

[Anonymous]

We have one DC who's a sophomore at UMCP, and our second child (and only other child) will likely also be attending an in-state school.

Dh and I have been eager to move for years, because neither of us like our house (tear down in MoCo) and we want to move to a lower cost area. We want to stay in Maryland but will probably look an hour or two from our current location.

Problem is that both kids are very attached to their friends in the immediate neighborhood and area. We've lived here since they were born and they have a tight group of very close friends. Older DC comes home regularly and hangs out with friends (holidays, over the summer).

DH and I would love to move as soon as younger son goes to college. We think that after sophomore year of college this really changes as kids start to do internships and spend less time at home but we're not sure. We also think kids could adapt and drive from new house to visit their friends, though it to our drive could make this hard.

What do others think – stay here for four more years in a house that we don't like at all (and will likely need to spend expensive repairs on), or move once younger son is a freshman and figure that they will adapt and that it won't be a big deal?

Based on your own experience as a young adult in college, and from what you've seen with other kids, how often do kids generally spend time with friends during college? How destabilizing would it be for them?

[Anonymous]

Correction to my post ^

Sentence toward end should have said, how often do college kids generally spend time with friends from home over breaks and the summer?

[Anonymous]

My mom was always a little sad that her parents moved from her childhood home while she was in college. It was the childhood house itself/sense of home she missed, not the distance from high school friends. Same for my college boyfriend who once took me for a sentimental walk in his childhood Bethesda neighborhood.

Since you care about their emotions, you might consider moving in the summer so they can "say goodbye" properly.

In my opinion, a high school graduate is fully raised and you can move as soon as the younger graduates.

Keep in mind that today's young people are regularly in touch by phone and Internet and don't really need geographic proximity as much as pre-Millennials to stay connected in a daily sense. Also young people aren't as bored by driving as long term commuters. When I lived in the DMV, because I worked in DC, my boyfriend and friends were all 45 mins to 1 hour drive away due to being in harder to reach areas like Georgetown or on the opposite side of DC from me. It wasn't a big deal to make time to visit them.

Finally, you could tell your kids what you are thinking and see what they say.

[Anonymous]

We moved from our kids’ childhood home in a close in suburb to downtown DC when our youngest was in their second year at an in state college. Our kids had grown up in the house, it was a center of teenaged activity, and they loved it and had many happy memories and friends.

They got over it, and quickly.

Your kids will too.

It’s time for you to live your own life now.

[Anonymous]

My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

And if your kid doesn’t like the idea, which I guarantee you they won’t, what will you do? Not move? That would be silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one DC who's a sophomore at UMCP, and our second child (and only other child) will likely also be attending an in-state school.

Dh and I have been eager to move for years, because neither of us like our house (tear down in MoCo) and we want to move to a lower cost area. We want to stay in Maryland but will probably look an hour or two from our current location.

Problem is that both kids are very attached to their friends in the immediate neighborhood and area. We've lived here since they were born and they have a tight group of very close friends. Older DC comes home regularly and hangs out with friends (holidays, over the summer).

DH and I would love to move as soon as younger son goes to college. We think that after sophomore year of college this really changes as kids start to do internships and spend less time at home but we're not sure. We also think kids could adapt and drive from new house to visit their friends, though it to our drive could make this hard.

What do others think – stay here for four more years in a house that we don't like at all (and will likely need to spend expensive repairs on), or move once younger son is a freshman and figure that they will adapt and that it won't be a big deal?

Based on your own experience as a young adult in college, and from what you've seen with other kids, how often do kids generally spend time with friends during college? How destabilizing would it be for them?

Are you moving towards the eastern shore / Atlantic beaches or towards Cumberland. I would think the actual location matters.

Also, if internships are likely to happen in DC area, would imagine they would like to save on rent.

[Anonymous]

I think you should do what you and your husband want to do. You can always get an Airbnb in the area if your kid wants to spend a break in the old neighborhood.

One of my siblings had a terrible time when my parents sold our childhood home. She was in her 40s and had been married and on her own for a long time. She was living in a different state.

I wouldn’t have cared if they moved the minute I left high school. I would have met up with old friends in other ways. Within a few years many of us drifted apart or moved far away anyway.

[Anonymous]

23:07 back answering your other question. After sophomore year I lived in an off campus apartment. I still visited my parents on holidays and breaks but I wasn’t there all summer or for as long when I was home. I got a part time job in the college town, even before internships. My social life definitely switched from HS friends to my life there.

[Anonymous]

We are moving as our 2nd will be heading off to college at the same time. It’s foreign to me that my kids would expect us to stay. They are off on their adventure. It’s okay for mom and dad to spread their wings too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved from our kids’ childhood home in a close in suburb to downtown DC when our youngest was in their second year at an in state college. Our kids had grown up in the house, it was a center of teenaged activity, and they loved it and had many happy memories and friends.

They got over it, and quickly.

Your kids will too.

It’s time for you to live your own life now.

What in state college? Did you have to start paying out of state tuition?

[Anonymous]

Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan in this situation is to talk to my kid about it first.

And if your kid doesn’t like the idea, which I guarantee you they won’t, what will you do? Not move? That would be silly.

We will keep trying to negotiate.
Maybe we will find a totally new solution.
We will see. Depends on where he goes to school too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I’d love to get out of this house, but my sister made a point - that she didn’t actually mean to make - that what if freshman DD is homesick and there’s no home anymore? Home that she knows. I’m staying a bit longer.

You are a good mom!

[Anonymous]

Parents have no obligation to remain in a place they don’t want to live in after their kids leave the nest. Go where you want, OP! Your adult children will be just fine. Time to start living the life you want.