Moving as soon as kids in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As so many have said - you are adults and can move whenever you want. But, do you want your children to come home and visit you? Especially as they grow older? My parents moved while I was in my 30s so far past spending lots of time at home. I wasn't upset about it. However, it has impacted my desire to visit as I feel like I am just going to a very nice house not home. And while in the same city, it is a different part and again doesn't have the same childhood memories.

Our kids are currently in college and one left in high school. We plan to hold onto our house until there is a clear reason not to - like they all settle in Australia!

It’s really sad that you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I mean, you are basically saying that your parents should have stayed in your childhood home until they were dead. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As so many have said - you are adults and can move whenever you want. But, do you want your children to come home and visit you? Especially as they grow older? My parents moved while I was in my 30s so far past spending lots of time at home. I wasn't upset about it. However, it has impacted my desire to visit as I feel like I am just going to a very nice house not home. And while in the same city, it is a different part and again doesn't have the same childhood memories.

Our kids are currently in college and one left in high school. We plan to hold onto our house until there is a clear reason not to - like they all settle in Australia!

This is a very odd take to me. You literally seem to be affixing a ton of sentimentality to a specific house since your parents didn’t even move cities.

Honestly, that is crazy and if my kid has that attitude (which they don’t), then something is really off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP who moved from the suburbs to downtown DC after my youngest’s first year at UVA. I continue to think many of you are both coddling your kids too much and at the same time underestimating them. You’re not getting any younger and there’s no reason to put off your own lives until your kids are in their mid 20s for Pete’s sake. I can guarantee you that your kids will not be doing that for you.

The one piece of advice that I’ve seen on this thread that I do agree with was that you might want to consider whether your new place will be somewhere where your kids will actually want to visit. Our youngest quickly got over our move once she discovered that visiting us in the heart of DC was more fun than coming home to a cul de sac in the suburbs where there were lots of memories but nothing going on today. Your relationship with your kids changes once they leave for college. There is a season for everything. Embrace change. Don’t cling so desperately to the past. And don’t project your own nostalgia on to your kids. Really, they adjust. We all do.

This isn't really a move. Yes, you probably downsized, etc, but you might even still be living off the same Metro line. A move is to a different region and sometimes necessitated by money than desire. I know the parents of a number of my friends and many left metro regions, relocating to lower COL areas, to save cash in retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP who moved from the suburbs to downtown DC after my youngest’s first year at UVA. I continue to think many of you are both coddling your kids too much and at the same time underestimating them. You’re not getting any younger and there’s no reason to put off your own lives until your kids are in their mid 20s for Pete’s sake. I can guarantee you that your kids will not be doing that for you.

The one piece of advice that I’ve seen on this thread that I do agree with was that you might want to consider whether your new place will be somewhere where your kids will actually want to visit. Our youngest quickly got over our move once she discovered that visiting us in the heart of DC was more fun than coming home to a cul de sac in the suburbs where there were lots of memories but nothing going on today. Your relationship with your kids changes once they leave for college. There is a season for everything. Embrace change. Don’t cling so desperately to the past. And don’t project your own nostalgia on to your kids. Really, they adjust. We all do.

This isn't really a move. Yes, you probably downsized, etc, but you might even still be living off the same Metro line. A move is to a different region and sometimes necessitated by money than desire. I know the parents of a number of my friends and many left metro regions, relocating to lower COL areas, to save cash in retirement.

We’re not on the same metro line, actually. And yes it was a move. It was a complete lifestyle change for all of us. Our kids spent very little time in the city when they were growing up. Everything was about their life in the suburbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP who moved from the suburbs to downtown DC after my youngest’s first year at UVA. I continue to think many of you are both coddling your kids too much and at the same time underestimating them. You’re not getting any younger and there’s no reason to put off your own lives until your kids are in their mid 20s for Pete’s sake. I can guarantee you that your kids will not be doing that for you.

The one piece of advice that I’ve seen on this thread that I do agree with was that you might want to consider whether your new place will be somewhere where your kids will actually want to visit. Our youngest quickly got over our move once she discovered that visiting us in the heart of DC was more fun than coming home to a cul de sac in the suburbs where there were lots of memories but nothing going on today. Your relationship with your kids changes once they leave for college. There is a season for everything. Embrace change. Don’t cling so desperately to the past. And don’t project your own nostalgia on to your kids. Really, they adjust. We all do.

This isn't really a move. Yes, you probably downsized, etc, but you might even still be living off the same Metro line. A move is to a different region and sometimes necessitated by money than desire. I know the parents of a number of my friends and many left metro regions, relocating to lower COL areas, to save cash in retirement.

We’re not on the same metro line, actually. And yes it was a move. It was a complete lifestyle change for all of us. Our kids spent very little time in the city when they were growing up. Everything was about their life in the suburbs.

Different PP here but I agree, that’s not really a big move. Your kids can literally drive to their old neighborhood within an hour. I don’t think that’s a big life changing move.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I’m moving when my daughter graduates and hoping to move closer to the ocean where my kids will want to visit. However, our jobs allow us to do so and we’ve been waiting for our DD to finish. Our kids are not tied to the area and would rather have a place to come home to that feels more like a vacation.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t move away when they go to college because the kids aren’t the only reason I’m here. I have great friends and a community and lots of connections in my town. It’s fine if other people don’t have those, so they can go ahead and start over somewhere else. But it’s not about coddling my kids at all — it’s about having and sharing a community that your kids are also part of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As so many have said - you are adults and can move whenever you want. But, do you want your children to come home and visit you? Especially as they grow older? My parents moved while I was in my 30s so far past spending lots of time at home. I wasn't upset about it. However, it has impacted my desire to visit as I feel like I am just going to a very nice house not home. And while in the same city, it is a different part and again doesn't have the same childhood memories.

Our kids are currently in college and one left in high school. We plan to hold onto our house until there is a clear reason not to - like they all settle in Australia!

This is a very odd take to me. You literally seem to be affixing a ton of sentimentality to a specific house since your parents didn’t even move cities.

Honestly, that is crazy and if my kid has that attitude (which they don’t), then something is really off.

I think what's odd is that you call other people's sentiments "odd" and "crazy" and call it an "attitude". They were just telling how they felt about their parents new house vs the one where they grew up. What's crazy about it? How can any house hold the same memories as the one where you grew up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As so many have said - you are adults and can move whenever you want. But, do you want your children to come home and visit you? Especially as they grow older? My parents moved while I was in my 30s so far past spending lots of time at home. I wasn't upset about it. However, it has impacted my desire to visit as I feel like I am just going to a very nice house not home. And while in the same city, it is a different part and again doesn't have the same childhood memories.

Our kids are currently in college and one left in high school. We plan to hold onto our house until there is a clear reason not to - like they all settle in Australia!

This is a very odd take to me. You literally seem to be affixing a ton of sentimentality to a specific house since your parents didn’t even move cities.

Honestly, that is crazy and if my kid has that attitude (which they don’t), then something is really off.

I think what's odd is that you call other people's sentiments "odd" and "crazy" and call it an "attitude". They were just telling how they felt about their parents new house vs the one where they grew up. What's crazy about it? How can any house hold the same memories as the one where you grew up?

I don’t know…because they are 30 years old and their parents still live where they grew up, but now they visit less because the physical structure is different.

That is not rational behavior and luckily my own kids don’t have an unusual attachment to a physical building.

[Anonymous]

I had read that it was wise not to make major changes during your child's freshman year of college. The most important part of that was not to get a divorce during that particular year, but instead to wait until the child is settled in college (sophomore year).

Moving is not the same as divorce, as you and your husband are still together! However, it is a major change (even if you're moving to a better house). So maybe wait until the youngest is a sophomore? Granted, your children will both be in-state and so likely will not be homesick, as they might be if they went to school farther away.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is really common. Not a big deal at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP who moved from the suburbs to downtown DC after my youngest’s first year at UVA. I continue to think many of you are both coddling your kids too much and at the same time underestimating them. You’re not getting any younger and there’s no reason to put off your own lives until your kids are in their mid 20s for Pete’s sake. I can guarantee you that your kids will not be doing that for you.

The one piece of advice that I’ve seen on this thread that I do agree with was that you might want to consider whether your new place will be somewhere where your kids will actually want to visit. Our youngest quickly got over our move once she discovered that visiting us in the heart of DC was more fun than coming home to a cul de sac in the suburbs where there were lots of memories but nothing going on today. Your relationship with your kids changes once they leave for college. There is a season for everything. Embrace change. Don’t cling so desperately to the past. And don’t project your own nostalgia on to your kids. Really, they adjust. We all do.

This isn't really a move. Yes, you probably downsized, etc, but you might even still be living off the same Metro line. A move is to a different region and sometimes necessitated by money than desire. I know the parents of a number of my friends and many left metro regions, relocating to lower COL areas, to save cash in retirement.

We’re not on the same metro line, actually. And yes it was a move. It was a complete lifestyle change for all of us. Our kids spent very little time in the city when they were growing up. Everything was about their life in the suburbs.

Different PP here but I agree, that’s not really a big move. Your kids can literally drive to their old neighborhood within an hour. I don’t think that’s a big life changing move.

Ha ha ok. We’re the ones who lived it, but whatever.

Also, literally no one lives in the old neighborhood anymore. That’s my point. You could move into the city or you could move halfway across the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t move away when they go to college because the kids aren’t the only reason I’m here. I have great friends and a community and lots of connections in my town. It’s fine if other people don’t have those, so they can go ahead and start over somewhere else. But it’s not about coddling my kids at all — it’s about having and sharing a community that your kids are also part of.

Thanks for sharing your completely irrelevant thoughts. This is a threat about people who want to move but are concerned about the kids. It’s not about people who are not considering moving for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As so many have said - you are adults and can move whenever you want. But, do you want your children to come home and visit you? Especially as they grow older? My parents moved while I was in my 30s so far past spending lots of time at home. I wasn't upset about it. However, it has impacted my desire to visit as I feel like I am just going to a very nice house not home. And while in the same city, it is a different part and again doesn't have the same childhood memories.

Our kids are currently in college and one left in high school. We plan to hold onto our house until there is a clear reason not to - like they all settle in Australia!

This is a very odd take to me. You literally seem to be affixing a ton of sentimentality to a specific house since your parents didn’t even move cities.

Honestly, that is crazy and if my kid has that attitude (which they don’t), then something is really off.

I think what's odd is that you call other people's sentiments "odd" and "crazy" and call it an "attitude". They were just telling how they felt about their parents new house vs the one where they grew up. What's crazy about it? How can any house hold the same memories as the one where you grew up?

It’s odd.