Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

This is my marriage and over time our sex life has only gotten worse. My DH just doesn’t care that much about sex I’ve realized. It’s not a priority or a core value for him the way it is for me.

I just suffer basically and focus on other things. Fantasize about exes a lot. Use toys. Under the right circumstances, I’ll probably cheat.

But I’m not gonna blow up my whole life over this.

One thing I tell myself to make myself feel better is that the men I dated before DH who really prioritized sex didn’t make the best partners. I’m sure it’s not universally true but in general, the guys who were the most technically skilled and good in bed were also the most likely to cheat. I also would have had zero patience for their sexual demands when I was post partum, and DH cared so little about sex I suppose it was a relief not to have to worry about his needs when I was busy with babies and breastfeeding.

These statements are contradictory. If you cheat, you most definitely may blow up your life (and many others as well, including your husband and kids). If it’s that important to you and it can’t be fixed, act like a real adult and get a divorce instead of abandoning all integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is my marriage and over time our sex life has only gotten worse. My DH just doesn’t care that much about sex I’ve realized. It’s not a priority or a core value for him the way it is for me.

I just suffer basically and focus on other things. Fantasize about exes a lot. Use toys. Under the right circumstances, I’ll probably cheat.

But I’m not gonna blow up my whole life over this.

One thing I tell myself to make myself feel better is that the men I dated before DH who really prioritized sex didn’t make the best partners. I’m sure it’s not universally true but in general, the guys who were the most technically skilled and good in bed were also the most likely to cheat. I also would have had zero patience for their sexual demands when I was post partum, and DH cared so little about sex I suppose it was a relief not to have to worry about his needs when I was busy with babies and breastfeeding.

These statements are contradictory. If you cheat, you most definitely may blow up your life (and many others as well, including your husband and kids). If it’s that important to you and it can’t be fixed, act like a real adult and get a divorce instead of abandoning all integrity.

Pp here. Eh, I suppose there’s a small risk but I’ll be careful if I do it I’ll make sure my husband doesn’t find out and that I don’t get pregnant or a disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I am afraid to tell you your husband is gay. There is no straight man who would not be open to adventurous sex, short of things involving bodily waste, which most men are not into, though there are some.

So not true. You suffer from narrow mindedness based on your own limited experience with yourself and a few of your friends.

My H was definitely straight but as our marriage went on he lost interest in sex and once our kids were raised our marriage ended. That was years ago and he's still not dating anyone, male or female, he's just got low T. Add that to your bank of knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Do the marriage sabbatical and open things up for a limited period of time. You’ll get through this. He will probably even appreciate the pressure release; no doubt he’s got his own anxiety about his lack of drive.

Let’s face it - years of nesting with kids really does kill the sex drive. It blows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the marriage sabbatical and open things up for a limited period of time. You’ll get through this. He will probably even appreciate the pressure release; no doubt he’s got his own anxiety about his lack of drive.

Let’s face it - years of nesting with kids really does kill the sex drive. It blows.

Open marriage rarely saves marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is my marriage and over time our sex life has only gotten worse. My DH just doesn’t care that much about sex I’ve realized. It’s not a priority or a core value for him the way it is for me.

I just suffer basically and focus on other things. Fantasize about exes a lot. Use toys. Under the right circumstances, I’ll probably cheat.

But I’m not gonna blow up my whole life over this.

One thing I tell myself to make myself feel better is that the men I dated before DH who really prioritized sex didn’t make the best partners. I’m sure it’s not universally true but in general, the guys who were the most technically skilled and good in bed were also the most likely to cheat. I also would have had zero patience for their sexual demands when I was post partum, and DH cared so little about sex I suppose it was a relief not to have to worry about his needs when I was busy with babies and breastfeeding.

These statements are contradictory. If you cheat, you most definitely may blow up your life (and many others as well, including your husband and kids). If it’s that important to you and it can’t be fixed, act like a real adult and get a divorce instead of abandoning all integrity.

Pp here. Eh, I suppose there’s a small risk but I’ll be careful if I do it I’ll make sure my husband doesn’t find out and that I don’t get pregnant or a disease.

Awful to do to another mother and kids. Plain awful. Get a single guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given that everyone assumed it was oral and it was decidedly not that, it is really strange he won’t just bend you over every once in a while. That’s the position that does the least for me, but still keep it in the repertoire. C’mon.

Maybe her butt stinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a Magic Wand to tie you over until you find a solution. It’s a girls best friend.

A toy is a substitute for a partner who wants to see her needs fulfilled?

Masturbation is a substitute for a partner who wants to see his needs fulfilled?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a man and switched the genders for the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a man and switched the genders for the question.

What? No. I have no idea why you think I’m a man. Definitely a female.

But it’s interesting you think it has to be a man asking this question. Says a lot about how everyone just assumes it’s men who want sex.

[Anonymous]

Are you guys of a certain religion that “prohibits doggy style, etc” and that's why he’s not into it because he feels he’s doing something wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a man and switched the genders for the question.

What? No. I have no idea why you think I’m a man. Definitely a female.

But it’s interesting you think it has to be a man asking this question. Says a lot about how everyone just assumes it’s men who want sex.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I am afraid to tell you your husband is gay. There is no straight man who would not be open to adventurous sex, short of things involving bodily waste, which most men are not into, though there are some.

So not true. You suffer from narrow mindedness based on your own limited experience with yourself and a few of your friends.

My H was definitely straight but as our marriage went on he lost interest in sex and once our kids were raised our marriage ended. That was years ago and he's still not dating anyone, male or female, he's just got low T. Add that to your bank of knowledge.

NP. There's a whole world of anonymous gay action out there. My ex-H (who wanted sex with me when we were together!) was partaking then and now, and will probably never be out enough to have a relationship with a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys of a certain religion that “prohibits doggy style, etc” and that's why he’s not into it because he feels he’s doing something wrong?

No.

[Anonymous]

Plain old vanilla and he doesn’t want to try boring vanilla…? Something is wrong with him.