Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

He sounds really conservative. Not things you do in a marriage? That would drive me absolutely nuts. He needs to open his mind and embrace life a little.

[Anonymous]

Has he always been one position only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you made a list of things that are important to you is sex in the top 5? Top 10? I like sex but it doesn’t even crack my top 10 any more at the age of 48.

Fascinating … I am 49 (divorced woman) and it’s definitely my top 5. Top 3 maybe. Solo and with others.

[Anonymous]

This is my marriage and over time our sex life has only gotten worse. My DH just doesn’t care that much about sex I’ve realized. It’s not a priority or a core value for him the way it is for me.

I just suffer basically and focus on other things. Fantasize about exes a lot. Use toys. Under the right circumstances, I’ll probably cheat.

But I’m not gonna blow up my whole life over this.

One thing I tell myself to make myself feel better is that the men I dated before DH who really prioritized sex didn’t make the best partners. I’m sure it’s not universally true but in general, the guys who were the most technically skilled and good in bed were also the most likely to cheat. I also would have had zero patience for their sexual demands when I was post partum, and DH cared so little about sex I suppose it was a relief not to have to worry about his needs when I was busy with babies and breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you made a list of things that are important to you is sex in the top 5? Top 10? I like sex but it doesn’t even crack my top 10 any more at the age of 48.

Fascinating … I am 49 (divorced woman) and it’s definitely my top 5. Top 3 maybe. Solo and with others.

I’m 53 and it’s in my top 5 or so. But on any given day it can be #1 or #10 all dependent on my mood and my husbands sweetness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you made a list of things that are important to you is sex in the top 5? Top 10? I like sex but it doesn’t even crack my top 10 any more at the age of 48.

I’m not OP but I’d definitely put it in the top 5. I love sex. I love trying things. I loved the fun I’ve had in the past. I like my sexuality, it’s a core part of who I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you made a list of things that are important to you is sex in the top 5? Top 10? I like sex but it doesn’t even crack my top 10 any more at the age of 48.

Op here. Top 5 for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been one position only?

He was a little more adventurous when we were dating. I can at least remember doing other things at least a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been one position only?

He was a little more adventurous when we were dating. I can at least remember doing other things at least a few times.

So this has been going on a long time so it’s unlikely to be ED related. A sex therapist might be an option to consider given that most men would be very happy to be married to someone who enjoys sex and variety. If you have a therapist ask him/her how you might best approach the sex therapist issue. It won’t be easy.

[Anonymous]

DH here. I am afraid to tell you your husband is gay. There is no straight man who would not be open to adventurous sex, short of things involving bodily waste, which most men are not into, though there are some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me start off by saying that I love my husband very much. We have been together almost half my life and he is a wonderful father and husband. I know nobody has perfect relationships and that you always have to take the good with the bad etc…

Although we have, what I would consider an “active” sex life-I have told him multiple times that there are things I want to do. Now these aren’t even taboo or crazy things. These are literally things that most other people would consider regular and normal. But he has basically straight out refused even though he has told me he did these things in previous relationships (as did I). This just keeps upsetting me more and more and my dilemma is this:

1. I don’t feel like I should have to give up what I want. We only get this one life. I want to enjoy it to its absolute fullest.
2. I don’t feel like anybody should be manipulated/ convinced to do something sexually they don’t want to do. I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me either.

So do I just plan on not having what I want sexually for the rest of my life? That just seems so depressing. Although I feel like we have a strong marriage-this is a big deal to me and I just feel like I can’t get over it. I do have a therapist and I do talk about it with them.

Thoughts?

The bolded is literally the entire basis of marriage. Not saying what your husband should or shouldn't do, but that attitude isn't compatible with a lifetime commitment to another person.

Agreed. We can't have everything that we want. Nobody can. You need to prioritize what really matters to you. And is it worth any potential cost to get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I am afraid to tell you your husband is gay. There is no straight man who would not be open to adventurous sex, short of things involving bodily waste, which most men are not into, though there are some.

You’re an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been one position only?

He was a little more adventurous when we were dating. I can at least remember doing other things at least a few times.

So this has been going on a long time so it’s unlikely to be ED related. A sex therapist might be an option to consider given that most men would be very happy to be married to someone who enjoys sex and variety. If you have a therapist ask him/her how you might best approach the sex therapist issue. It won’t be easy.

You missed where OP said her DH will never do therapy.

[Anonymous]

Get a Magic Wand to tie you over until you find a solution. It’s a girls best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a Magic Wand to tie you over until you find a solution. It’s a girls best friend.

A toy is a substitute for a partner who wants to see her needs fulfilled?