When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s, children are young adults. I just walk on past you and your crying little ones. I do not say a word, or get involved in any way. It's your problem, not mine.

I walk to the other side of the store where it's blissfully quiet and begin my shopping there, far, far away from you and your crying child. By the time I reach the area where you were dealing with it, you are gone.

Works for me.

+1. I will never say anything or try to "help." I'm not interested in you, your child, or why it's upset. I will just get as far away as possible until the noise is over.

Same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think something on the lines of, "Thanks for trying to help, but I've got this" is probably the best response.

I did appreciate the couple times when I was dealing with a tantrum and other patrons gave me moral support. One time I was wrestling my tantrumming kid into his carseat outside of a Starbucks and apologized to the guy who was parked next to us, and he said something to the effect of "It's okay, I've been there, the main thing is you have to be the one to win."

ha, got to love dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you clearly didn’t have it. They were trying to help diffuse an awkward situation.

who tf sees a stranger dealing with a tantruming toddler and thinks they need to “diffuse an awkward situation”???

Someone who’s been in similar situations— and appreciated the help.

only an absolutely ignorant person who has completely forgotten (or never knew) what it was like to parent toddlers could look at a tantrum and think “hmm, what an awkward situation! maybe I, a complete stranger, can help!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

thanks Grandma. So what, your idea is that if you step in to scold the tantruming child or chastise the mother for bad parenting, that will help?

[Anonymous]

People, it’s defuse, not diffuse. They are tiny bombs, not essential oils!

[Anonymous]

I have a SN child who was prone at a certain age to epic public meltdowns. My entire life for about two years was figuring out how to survive without ever pushing them too hard and still occasionally leave the house. I was largely successful but if I misjudged I absolutely could not pick up the child after age 2.5 and remove them. I literally have a scar from the last time I tried. It was a hard time.

Anyway I just survived. I hated the feeling of being judged. My other child has had a couple meltdowns but there’s no comparison.

I strongly suspect the PP who think their kids never had a meltdown either hit their kids enough that they were terrified into submission or they don’t remember. My ILs will swear with a totally straight face that their kids never argued not one time. Often they say this while my kids or my niece and nephew are arguing in a totally normal way. My DH and his siblings remember hitting each plenty so I don’t know who they think they are kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s defuse, not diffuse. They are tiny bombs, not essential oils!

hahaha!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

thanks Grandma. So what, your idea is that if you step in to scold the tantruming child or chastise the mother for bad parenting, that will help?

You already know that you are a crap parent with a spoiled brat. It would be unnecessary and cruel to remind you of your inadequacies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

thanks Grandma. So what, your idea is that if you step in to scold the tantruming child or chastise the mother for bad parenting, that will help?

You already know that you are a crap parent with a spoiled brat. It would be unnecessary and cruel to remind you of your inadequacies.

Wonder what your children would say about YOUR crap parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s, children are young adults. I just walk on past you and your crying little ones. I do not say a word, or get involved in any way. It's your problem, not mine.

I walk to the other side of the store where it's blissfully quiet and begin my shopping there, far, far away from you and your crying child. By the time I reach the area where you were dealing with it, you are gone.

Works for me.

+1. I will never say anything or try to "help." I'm not interested in you, your child, or why it's upset. I will just get as far away as possible until the noise is over.

You are good people. We parents of young children appreciate you. I sincerely hope you find everything you need in the store and all the lights turn green for you on the way home.

+1
I have young children, so when I see the struggles I just give a sympathetic look and think "thank goodness it's not me right now", knowing full well my turn is around the corner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

Your kids never ever cried or whined in public with you? Then you either were rich enough to have someone else caring for them and/or running your errands full time, or more likely don’t remember what having a toddler was like. Either way you’re not the target audience for this thread.

OP, I was once dealing with walking an overtired 2yo home from daycare and she’d sat down on an empty sidewalk and was yelling about not wanting go get in the stroller or to walk. Not a full tantrum but just overtired misery that I knew perfectly well would be best fixed by some quiet time. So I was just standing there waiting for her to calm down and someone had the absolute gall to cross the street specifically to come up to me to stop, stare, and after like 30 seconds ask “is she having a tantrum?”

I am not PP but I just realized this is true for me. Our children have never stepped foot in a daycare. We rarely run errands with them, really just the grocery store which is integrated into our morning walks and fun for them. Or we might do a leisurely trip to Home Depot or Target on a rainy day and let them explore while buying a few things. But never a full day of errands, in and out of the car, leading to hunger, tiredness and cranky behavior. Their outings are child-centered. I feel like that is bad for them, not to be exposed to more stores and errands?

Our children have not had a tantrum in public, which is unfortunate because they are so darn cute when they do it at home!

Really?!?
Your kids never went to a public park, museum, other children's birthdays, etc where they were in public? That's so strangle that you would deprive your child of normal experiences and isolate yourself from potential public outbursts. I find that the majority of our normal 2 year old tantrums were from transitions to and from these things and were public. I also have a FT nanny amd a maid, but I still spend enough time with my kids to know they are normal. Ask your nanny if your kid ever had a tantrum and the playground, since you are so out of touch. If your a bad employer the answer, of course, will be "no, Larlo(a) is perfect!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you clearly didn’t have it. They were trying to help diffuse an awkward situation.

who tf sees a stranger dealing with a tantruming toddler and thinks they need to “diffuse an awkward situation”???

Someone who’s been in similar situations— and appreciated the help.

only an absolutely ignorant person who has completely forgotten (or never knew) what it was like to parent toddlers could look at a tantrum and think “hmm, what an awkward situation! maybe I, a complete stranger, can help!”

Only an absolutely ignorant person would assume that what they personally believe is generalizable to every parent of every toddler in every culture in every circumstance. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s defuse, not diffuse. They are tiny bombs, not essential oils!

Thanks grammar natzi.. that's the contribution you have to make. So helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

thanks Grandma. So what, your idea is that if you step in to scold the tantruming child or chastise the mother for bad parenting, that will help?

You already know that you are a crap parent with a spoiled brat. It would be unnecessary and cruel to remind you of your inadequacies.

DP
And yet, here you are do do that! You cruel, cruel, pathetic woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, it’s defuse, not diffuse. They are tiny bombs, not essential oils!

Thanks grammar natzi.. that's the contribution you have to make. So helpful!

Comic relief at the right moment is what helps many SN parents get through their days. Previous PP gets it.