When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

Your kids never ever cried or whined in public with you? Then you either were rich enough to have someone else caring for them and/or running your errands full time, or more likely don’t remember what having a toddler was like. Either way you’re not the target audience for this thread.

OP, I was once dealing with walking an overtired 2yo home from daycare and she’d sat down on an empty sidewalk and was yelling about not wanting go get in the stroller or to walk. Not a full tantrum but just overtired misery that I knew perfectly well would be best fixed by some quiet time. So I was just standing there waiting for her to calm down and someone had the absolute gall to cross the street specifically to come up to me to stop, stare, and after like 30 seconds ask “is she having a tantrum?”

I am not PP but I just realized this is true for me. Our children have never stepped foot in a daycare. We rarely run errands with them, really just the grocery store which is integrated into our morning walks and fun for them. Or we might do a leisurely trip to Home Depot or Target on a rainy day and let them explore while buying a few things. But never a full day of errands, in and out of the car, leading to hunger, tiredness and cranky behavior. Their outings are child-centered. I feel like that is bad for them, not to be exposed to more stores and errands?

Our children have not had a tantrum in public, which is unfortunate because they are so darn cute when they do it at home!

Really?!?
Your kids never went to a public park, museum, other children's birthdays, etc where they were in public? That's so strangle that you would deprive your child of normal experiences and isolate yourself from potential public outbursts. I find that the majority of our normal 2 year old tantrums were from transitions to and from these things and were public. I also have a FT nanny amd a maid, but I still spend enough time with my kids to know they are normal. Ask your nanny if your kid ever had a tantrum and the playground, since you are so out of touch. If your a bad employer the answer, of course, will be "no, Larlo(a) is perfect!"

Lol. Typical DCUM schizo where you make up crap that was never in the post you are quoting and then word vomit all over it.

I said my children have never had (extended) tantrums in public, not that they have never *been* in public. They have had small tantrums but not huge ones because their outings are child-centered and we only go if it works for their sleep and eating schedule and mood. Versus if they were dragged on a day of errands with no consideration for those things, they would be much more likely to have full blowouts. Like the poster whose daughter tantrums after a long day of daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

Yes, most adults are in therapy BECAUSE they experienced these behaviors that the folks on this forum are advocating when they were kids.. . . like slapping your child.. . . name calling children brats. . . engaging in arguing with your child. . . telling them to ‘shut up’. . . I can’t remember all of these. If kids are heard, feel loved, and valued for who they are (tantrums and all the normal childhood stuff), then they don’t need therapy as adults. So yeah, most adults are in therapy, because they had bad parents, and now they cannot tolerate kids, because that behavior was not modeled to them when they were children. It’s a cycle that folks here are strongly advocating to continue and deepen. No thanks! I’ll let my kids be kids and if they tantrum in front of you, go ahead and judge. Seriously, it says more about you than you think.

[Anonymous]

^ I also don’t think I am better than poster because my children don’t tantrum much. Just luckier to have the money and lifestyle so that we don’t have to take the kids out unless it works for their schedule. And also to have children who are fairly easy-going. Others who have non-tantruming children should acknowledge their luck and not be smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you say?

You are in the middle of trying to focus on them, calm them down and fix whatever situation got you there.

Recently I got:
Old gentleman asking my child if we were abusing them (this was an unhelpful joke)
A woman telling them how great they looked (when the outfit they were in was not the outfit for the event)
More people interacting with said child that were making the situation worse and not better.

I didn't say anything because what can I say? I've got this, thanks?

I will never ever try to ‘help’ a kid who is having a meltdown unless it’s my kid. I ignore other kids. They are not my problem!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

Yes, most adults are in therapy BECAUSE they experienced these behaviors that the folks on this forum are advocating when they were kids.. . . like slapping your child.. . . name calling children brats. . . engaging in arguing with your child. . . telling them to ‘shut up’. . . I can’t remember all of these. If kids are heard, feel loved, and valued for who they are (tantrums and all the normal childhood stuff), then they don’t need therapy as adults. So yeah, most adults are in therapy, because they had bad parents, and now they cannot tolerate kids, because that behavior was not modeled to them when they were children. It’s a cycle that folks here are strongly advocating to continue and deepen. No thanks! I’ll let my kids be kids and if they tantrum in front of you, go ahead and judge. Seriously, it says more about you than you think.

Maybe, just maybe, being a parent is the hardest job in the world and no matter how good a job you do your kids still think you were bad at it and messed them up? Spanking has fallen out of fashion, yet teens have never been more depressed and unhappy and in need of therapy. Just wait, yours will get their turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

Your kids never ever cried or whined in public with you? Then you either were rich enough to have someone else caring for them and/or running your errands full time, or more likely don’t remember what having a toddler was like. Either way you’re not the target audience for this thread.

OP, I was once dealing with walking an overtired 2yo home from daycare and she’d sat down on an empty sidewalk and was yelling about not wanting go get in the stroller or to walk. Not a full tantrum but just overtired misery that I knew perfectly well would be best fixed by some quiet time. So I was just standing there waiting for her to calm down and someone had the absolute gall to cross the street specifically to come up to me to stop, stare, and after like 30 seconds ask “is she having a tantrum?”

I am not PP but I just realized this is true for me. Our children have never stepped foot in a daycare. We rarely run errands with them, really just the grocery store which is integrated into our morning walks and fun for them. Or we might do a leisurely trip to Home Depot or Target on a rainy day and let them explore while buying a few things. But never a full day of errands, in and out of the car, leading to hunger, tiredness and cranky behavior. Their outings are child-centered. I feel like that is bad for them, not to be exposed to more stores and errands?

Our children have not had a tantrum in public, which is unfortunate because they are so darn cute when they do it at home!

Really?!?
Your kids never went to a public park, museum, other children's birthdays, etc where they were in public? That's so strangle that you would deprive your child of normal experiences and isolate yourself from potential public outbursts. I find that the majority of our normal 2 year old tantrums were from transitions to and from these things and were public. I also have a FT nanny amd a maid, but I still spend enough time with my kids to know they are normal. Ask your nanny if your kid ever had a tantrum and the playground, since you are so out of touch. If your a bad employer the answer, of course, will be "no, Larlo(a) is perfect!"

Lol. Typical DCUM schizo where you make up crap that was never in the post you are quoting and then word vomit all over it.

I said my children have never had (extended) tantrums in public, not that they have never *been* in public. They have had small tantrums but not huge ones because their outings are child-centered and we only go if it works for their sleep and eating schedule and mood. Versus if they were dragged on a day of errands with no consideration for those things, they would be much more likely to have full blowouts. Like the poster whose daughter tantrums after a long day of daycare.

The point is if you've taken your kids in public and at some point they've had a tantrum. Tantrums at transitions are considered a developmental milestone. I too have a FT nanny and housekeeper that does many daily errands (like groceries). I also have normal kids who have had tantrums. Did we leave when they were tantruming? Yes. Do we get judged from strangers? Also yes. I recognize not everyone has the resources to send their housekeeper to the grocery store and that may put them there after work/daycare when the kid is tired and hungry. Some people dont have a choice, and i don't judge them (or their kids) for that. It's life.

My kids are out of this stage now, thank goodness. Yes, they are still normal kids.... I have a teen now who rolls her eyes too.... next post is going to be about horrible teens that are so rude they roll their eyes...this too I know is a normal developmental stage that will pass. I take a breath and take it in stride, just like I do these posts. It's actually mildly entertaining that people display their toxicity so openly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

Yes, most adults are in therapy BECAUSE they experienced these behaviors that the folks on this forum are advocating when they were kids.. . . like slapping your child.. . . name calling children brats. . . engaging in arguing with your child. . . telling them to ‘shut up’. . . I can’t remember all of these. If kids are heard, feel loved, and valued for who they are (tantrums and all the normal childhood stuff), then they don’t need therapy as adults. So yeah, most adults are in therapy, because they had bad parents, and now they cannot tolerate kids, because that behavior was not modeled to them when they were children. It’s a cycle that folks here are strongly advocating to continue and deepen. No thanks! I’ll let my kids be kids and if they tantrum in front of you, go ahead and judge. Seriously, it says more about you than you think.

Maybe, just maybe, being a parent is the hardest job in the world and no matter how good a job you do your kids still think you were bad at it and messed them up? Spanking has fallen out of fashion, yet teens have never been more depressed and unhappy and in need of therapy. Just wait, yours will get their turn.

Ha! I actually have a young adult now, so maybe, just maybe, I know a thing or two. I agree parenting is hard and my parents weren't brilliant, so just like when I didnt know something for school or work, I got training. There are some great parenting classes out there - mine was from a child development psychologist, it was a group class and I learned a ton!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

Yes, most adults are in therapy BECAUSE they experienced these behaviors that the folks on this forum are advocating when they were kids.. . . like slapping your child.. . . name calling children brats. . . engaging in arguing with your child. . . telling them to ‘shut up’. . . I can’t remember all of these. If kids are heard, feel loved, and valued for who they are (tantrums and all the normal childhood stuff), then they don’t need therapy as adults. So yeah, most adults are in therapy, because they had bad parents, and now they cannot tolerate kids, because that behavior was not modeled to them when they were children. It’s a cycle that folks here are strongly advocating to continue and deepen. No thanks! I’ll let my kids be kids and if they tantrum in front of you, go ahead and judge. Seriously, it says more about you than you think.

Maybe, just maybe, being a parent is the hardest job in the world and no matter how good a job you do your kids still think you were bad at it and messed them up? Spanking has fallen out of fashion, yet teens have never been more depressed and unhappy and in need of therapy. Just wait, yours will get their turn.

Ha! I actually have a young adult now, so maybe, just maybe, I know a thing or two. I agree parenting is hard and my parents weren't brilliant, so just like when I didnt know something for school or work, I got training. There are some great parenting classes out there - mine was from a child development psychologist, it was a group class and I learned a ton!

You have one kid and think you’re some kind of expert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

You, the mother, also aren't helping.

There's that whole thing of minding your own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”

Sympathetic as I am, you only proved her point unfortunately

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

Yes, most adults are in therapy BECAUSE they experienced these behaviors that the folks on this forum are advocating when they were kids.. . . like slapping your child.. . . name calling children brats. . . engaging in arguing with your child. . . telling them to ‘shut up’. . . I can’t remember all of these. If kids are heard, feel loved, and valued for who they are (tantrums and all the normal childhood stuff), then they don’t need therapy as adults. So yeah, most adults are in therapy, because they had bad parents, and now they cannot tolerate kids, because that behavior was not modeled to them when they were children. It’s a cycle that folks here are strongly advocating to continue and deepen. No thanks! I’ll let my kids be kids and if they tantrum in front of you, go ahead and judge. Seriously, it says more about you than you think.

Maybe, just maybe, being a parent is the hardest job in the world and no matter how good a job you do your kids still think you were bad at it and messed them up? Spanking has fallen out of fashion, yet teens have never been more depressed and unhappy and in need of therapy. Just wait, yours will get their turn.

Ha! I actually have a young adult now, so maybe, just maybe, I know a thing or two. I agree parenting is hard and my parents weren't brilliant, so just like when I didnt know something for school or work, I got training. There are some great parenting classes out there - mine was from a child development psychologist, it was a group class and I learned a ton!

You have one kid and think you’re some kind of expert?

I have 4 kids, one of whom is an adult and NO, I do not think I am an expert - for parenting there is no such thing. I am someone who can chime in on the different stages of life with some experience. Do you think you are the authority on who would have something to contribute here?

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to read the whole thread, but something's off with the kid, imho. Well, something is off with the grown-ups also if they cannot figure that out. Op, you are the not off person there and you 'lost it'.

[Anonymous]

A have a 4 year old with special needs so my experience maybe isn't applicable to all, but I have noticed that DD treats us the way we treat her. If we listen to her and use nice words and speak calmly to her and model saying thank you every time she displays good behavior, she uses nice words too and listens to us. If we yell at her and threaten her she does the same to us.

She's had a couple of very intense public meltdowns in the past and most people around us gave me knowing looks or found it funny, which I could appreciate. They stayed out of our way while I tried to remove her from the situation. Sometimes a kid is sleep deprived and constipated, and even if stern discipline were the answer, it would not help there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A have a 4 year old with special needs so my experience maybe isn't applicable to all, but I have noticed that DD treats us the way we treat her. If we listen to her and use nice words and speak calmly to her and model saying thank you every time she displays good behavior, she uses nice words too and listens to us. If we yell at her and threaten her she does the same to us.

She's had a couple of very intense public meltdowns in the past and most people around us gave me knowing looks or found it funny, which I could appreci ofate. They stayed out of our way while I tried to remove her from the situation. Sometimes a kid is sleep deprived and constipated, and even if stern discipline were the answer, it would not help there.

Parenting is not so difficult that a parent doesn't know when their child is sleep deprived, over tired, needs a bathroom and takes them home to rest or to a public bathroom. As for constipation causing a tantrum that's a new one excuse and a rather stupid one as constipation doesn't occur suddenly. If you take your child out in public then don't keep them out until they are exhausted or hungry. You have a brain so use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A have a 4 year old with special needs so my experience maybe isn't applicable to all, but I have noticed that DD treats us the way we treat her. If we listen to her and use nice words and speak calmly to her and model saying thank you every time she displays good behavior, she uses nice words too and listens to us. If we yell at her and threaten her she does the same to us.

She's had a couple of very intense public meltdowns in the past and most people around us gave me knowing looks or found it funny, which I could appreci ofate. They stayed out of our way while I tried to remove her from the situation. Sometimes a kid is sleep deprived and constipated, and even if stern discipline were the answer, it would not help there.

Parenting is not so difficult that a parent doesn't know when their child is sleep deprived, over tired, needs a bathroom and takes them home to rest or to a public bathroom. As for constipation causing a tantrum that's a new one excuse and a rather stupid one as constipation doesn't occur suddenly. If you take your child out in public then don't keep them out until they are exhausted or hungry. You have a brain so use it.

Thanks for your perspective. I hope it made you feel good to write that, because you sound like a miserable person.