When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people step in because it’s known that distractions help kids overcome tantrums and they’re hoping that they can be the one to distract the kid long enough that they stop crying. I have seen it work and I’ve also seen it fail.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the arrogance of believing that you, a stranger, have some magical power over kids such that you can terminate a tantrum. Many/most tantrums get worse with attention.

I agree with the previous poster. I don't think that the person thinks they have some magical power, but a new face/new interaction might just confuse/startle the kid enough for them to pause and allow the parent to do a reset. It's not a new idea that kids will react differently to others than to their parent

ffs please do not take it upon yourself to “startle” a stranger’s child. seriously?!!

ffs don't take your child out in public if you can't handle the presence of other people

To summarize these two views:

Public put up with the next generation being raised. They live in this world too!

Parent put up with public judgment. There is no escaping it.

Some people lack manners and they exist in both groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many perfect parents on this thread. Strange that I never seem to encounter any of your perfect children at school, or anywhere.

You do, but you don't notice them because they aren't screaming.

....they aren't screaming at the moment. My perfect children don't always scream either.

[Anonymous]

It's funny to me as a newcomer to this thread how many of the posts complaining about the idea of a small child having a meltdown in public just sound like a tantrumming adult. "I want peace and quiet! I shouldn't have to listen to your kid! If you want to have kids, keep them at home! A good child would STFU!"

Just envisioning all your foot stomping and angry tears and wondering how your parents used to handle your tantrums as a child, and if maybe that has anything to do with why you feel the way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

You, the mother, also aren't helping.

[Anonymous]

It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said things ranging from "thanks for your input" to "no one asked you" to "are you enjoying the show/take a picture, it will last longer." People need to mind their own effing business.

It is our business if it is in a public place. Pick up your brat and leave immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

I've said this so many times to unhelpful strangers (and sometimes family and friends) that my kid now says it, too. Once she was throwing a fit about leaving the playground after a long day in the car, and some random old lady wanted to insert herself into it, and my DD stopped what she was doing, looked at this lady, and said "This is between my mom and I. We've got it." She was 7

She was rude and you're proud of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometime, the parents of young children seem to think it's their world and we are all just living in it.

Not that you don't have my sympathy OP, I just think you are wrong. If your kid is having a tantrum in shared space, then you don't suddenly own the space and get to dictate the behavior of all the other people in that space.

I would never interfere with a parent and child in mid tantrum, but I also don't think you have any right to say "f@@@ off" to someone who does. It's shared space.

+1. You are the adult and you don't get to tantrum just because you are frustrated with the situation and people walking by are reacting imperfectly. Really, don't worry so much about being embarrassed or judged, just focus on your kid.

I think the point is that other adults should act like adults instead of butting in.

I think the point is that other adults are stepping in to be an adult when people like the OP are behaving like kids.

Do not let your child tantrum in public. Leave immediately if they can’t handle a situation. It might be an inconvenience sometimes but that’s life. That’s being an adult.

Do you have some sort of instant time portal?

I have 3 kids. They are generally well behaved, but we all have a bad day on occasion. Leaving immediately may mean packing up a diaper bag, wrangling siblings, paying a tab, getting a kid in a stroller, etc. Or sometimes you’re somewhere like a pharmacy with a sick kid and it doesn’t make sense to leave without their medicine.

If you see a fellow parent struggling either offer some sort of assistance if you’re in a position that makes sense (e.g. ask if you can help put some groceries in their trunk) or butt out. No one needs unhelpful comments from other adults while dealing with a kid meltdown. And you have no idea if the child melting down has special needs or a health issue going on, so joking comments aren’t really appropriate.

No, parents shouldn’t snap at anyone. But if you get snapped at, ask yourself if you were adding anything useful to the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's funny to me as a newcomer to this thread how many of the posts complaining about the idea of a small child having a meltdown in public just sound like a tantrumming adult. "I want peace and quiet! I shouldn't have to listen to your kid! If you want to have kids, keep them at home! A good child would STFU!"

Just envisioning all your foot stomping and angry tears and wondering how your parents used to handle your tantrums as a child, and if maybe that has anything to do with why you feel the way you do.

So true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

I've said this so many times to unhelpful strangers (and sometimes family and friends) that my kid now says it, too. Once she was throwing a fit about leaving the playground after a long day in the car, and some random old lady wanted to insert herself into it, and my DD stopped what she was doing, looked at this lady, and said "This is between my mom and I. We've got it." She was 7

She was rude and you're proud of this?

+1 If the kid had the wherewithal to make that comment, mom was being massively manipulated by a brat not even having a real tantrum. What a dope. Mom probably stayed another 30 minutes completely falling for the con.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

Yep, and then they don't learn any self regulation skills, and so when they get to school and there's no threat of violence they don't listen to the teachers at all.

Sorry, I actually care about raising a decent human being. But if avoiding some inconvenience is your only concern, keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like slapping someone who is hysterical. It gets their attention and they snap out of the hysteria. Kid wants to cry then give him/her something they can really cry about-- a good swat on their bottom and then look them straight in the eyes and in a stern voice say ',SHUT UP.". They will stop immediately.

yes, if you want your kids to be in therapy as adults for child abuse, this would be a great idea…

Most adults these days are in therapy already or in need of it. This isn't a very convincing argument. Nobody can cope with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

I've said this so many times to unhelpful strangers (and sometimes family and friends) that my kid now says it, too. Once she was throwing a fit about leaving the playground after a long day in the car, and some random old lady wanted to insert herself into it, and my DD stopped what she was doing, looked at this lady, and said "This is between my mom and I. We've got it." She was 7

She was rude and you're proud of this?

+1 If the kid had the wherewithal to make that comment, mom was being massively manipulated by a brat not even having a real tantrum. What a dope. Mom probably stayed another 30 minutes completely falling for the con.

Why is it okay to you for you as an adult to name call a child? Seriously, some thing is wrong in the world when adults call children ‘brats’. Your behavior on this forum deserves name calling, but I actually have a bit more maturity than the tantruming adults here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling people "you aren't helping".

I've said this so many times to unhelpful strangers (and sometimes family and friends) that my kid now says it, too. Once she was throwing a fit about leaving the playground after a long day in the car, and some random old lady wanted to insert herself into it, and my DD stopped what she was doing, looked at this lady, and said "This is between my mom and I. We've got it." She was 7

She was rude and you're proud of this?

+1 If the kid had the wherewithal to make that comment, mom was being massively manipulated by a brat not even having a real tantrum. What a dope. Mom probably stayed another 30 minutes completely falling for the con.

Why is it okay to you for you as an adult to name call a child? Seriously, some thing is wrong in the world when adults call children ‘brats’. Your behavior on this forum deserves name calling, but I actually have a bit more maturity than the tantruming adults here.

Boo hoo. Sorry a kid acting badly got called a brat. And I don't actually know this supposed kid so I didn't call her to her face any name. See the difference? The PP probably made the story up.