Injured DH

[Anonymous]

It can be very dangerous. Especially for young men who are so competitive! He probably won’t stop. He has made friends, I’m sure, it’s impossible just to stop when one is part of such community. Besides, you risk creating friction in your family that he may always blame you for loosing his hobby and friends.

But you can start, for example, dancing. Or painting, or knitting. Something that could be equally expensive and take you out of the house few nights a week. Balance it out. He has a hobby, you have a hobby, so both of you will have to compromise be it time or money. And it will be good for you too.

[Anonymous]

I spend half the year head in the Netherlands. I know lots of people who are in the Dutch diplomatic service. At least 90% of them refuse to ride their bikes on the roads in the DMV because “it’s too dangerous- asking for an accident”. Once your husband gets better, sit him down and tell him he needs to knock it off and get a new hobby, and furthermore, split the time he used to spend on this squarely in half. Make a schedule and make him stick to it. If he doesn’t, go straight to a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

You can always pull a Gisele.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry cycling is not really what I would call a dangerous hobby. Get the viara radar from garmin that will notify you if a car is approaching from the rear. Watch the rider in front of you and lookout for drivers opening their doors

Spoken like someone who has never ridden on a country road. That radar is only as good as the driver’s behavior before they are directly adjacent to you.

Um actually I ride on country roads all the time. I live in the country so almost all my rides start there. I picked up cycling and triathlons after being injured too many times racing motocross.
Be aware of whats behind you. I don't use a radar, but would think its a good idea for someone that can turn their head while maintaining a straight line. Tri races are usually horrible bike handlers too.
Any sport can be dangerous, but I stand by the fact that cycling is not a very dangerous hobby. Been doing it for 15 years now without incident and have had more close calls running then cycling

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but, I have a husband who used to participate in a sport that causes frequent injury. Once we had kids I informed him, where you lay is where you stay. Don't call me. He had to be taken to the hospital by friends and take a cab home a couple of times. They grow out of this eventually.

[Anonymous]

I also don’t think of cycling as dangerous. I have biked 20 miles a day (to work and back) for 20 years and never had an incident. And you need to set the cardio benefits against the risk of accident. Cardiovascular disease is the biggest killer in the US…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry cycling is not really what I would call a dangerous hobby. Get the viara radar from garmin that will notify you if a car is approaching from the rear. Watch the rider in front of you and lookout for drivers opening their doors

It's obviously dangerous as OP's husband is in the hospital with brain damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend half the year head in the Netherlands. I know lots of people who are in the Dutch diplomatic service. At least 90% of them refuse to ride their bikes on the roads in the DMV because “it’s too dangerous- asking for an accident”. Once your husband gets better, sit him down and tell him he needs to knock it off and get a new hobby, and furthermore, split the time he used to spend on this squarely in half. Make a schedule and make him stick to it. If he doesn’t, go straight to a marriage counselor.

This. It would honestly be either me or the hobby, at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone - it's OP again.

For those of you who are absolutely dying to know, yes, it's road cycling, and by extension, he dabbles in triathlons (olympic + half ironman), so he has 3 time consuming sports to train for. So the time spent away from the family for training + events is annoying enough, but it's the road biking that gets to me the most. Not to mention the $$$$ for all of the latest high end gear + bikes + travel.

Several of his riding buddies have gotten scraped up pretty badly over the years, and it's not unheard if you follow the sport to hear of people gravely injured or killed as well. I'm sorry but whoever said it is just as safe as running is just plain wrong - any sport where you are riding at high speeds (30-40+ mph) along with people driving 4000lb SUVs while texting is a serious risk. Even if you follow all of the rules and do everything "right", you will never win an argument against a car (or a pothole on a sharp downhill turn).

And yes, he is also into all of the indoor biking options, but in the warmer months prefers to be outside. But right now he is dealing with multiple broken bones and a head injury with short-term memory and cognition issues, so I need to accompany him to all of his doctors appointments.

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. Just venting. Thank you to those of you who have shared similar stories and can relate

I’m sorry, it sounds like there will be a long recovery. It’s hard not to feel anger at the situation. I think a few meeting with a therapist will help you reframe it and work to solving some of the issues. I think the time sink is a big one. After recovery, things need to change. You need to talk through the time commitments so that it is more fair to you. A possible compromise is one weekend a month for him, one for you and two for family activities.

I know many couples who had an adjustment after becoming parents where one spouse was not holding up their end of the bargain. What helped for several was to leave that spouse home alone for a long weekend with the children. The experience helped them realize how much work it really was, well most of them, one was just a jerk. Since your DH has a long recovery ahead - severe concussions take time, that may change his attitude anyway- since he has to spend more time hanging around the house he has an opportunity to deepen his bonds to his children.

Aside for all that, you need to take care of you. Try to carve out 30 minutes a day for yourself - reading, walking, meditating, talking to a friend…. Be kind to yourself and if you can spare the $, hire out for some tasks. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people to help. Most want to but don’t know how.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who was recently injured on a trail when a part flew off the bike of the person in front of him, causing him to crash. Doing anything at a speed can be dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone - it's OP again.

For those of you who are absolutely dying to know, yes, it's road cycling, and by extension, he dabbles in triathlons (olympic + half ironman), so he has 3 time consuming sports to train for. So the time spent away from the family for training + events is annoying enough, but it's the road biking that gets to me the most. Not to mention the $$$$ for all of the latest high end gear + bikes + travel.

Several of his riding buddies have gotten scraped up pretty badly over the years, and it's not unheard if you follow the sport to hear of people gravely injured or killed as well. I'm sorry but whoever said it is just as safe as running is just plain wrong - any sport where you are riding at high speeds (30-40+ mph) along with people driving 4000lb SUVs while texting is a serious risk. Even if you follow all of the rules and do everything "right", you will never win an argument against a car (or a pothole on a sharp downhill turn).

And yes, he is also into all of the indoor biking options, but in the warmer months prefers to be outside. But right now he is dealing with multiple broken bones and a head injury with short-term memory and cognition issues, so I need to accompany him to all of his doctors appointments.

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. Just venting. Thank you to those of you who have shared similar stories and can relate

Triathlon is crazy dangerous!

There are many additional hazards from swimming in, and inevitably ingesting, some of that horrific lake water.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, with the head injury, I don’t think he can bike again; that would be incredibly risky. When you described his injuries, it was the first time I felt any sympathy for him. Short-term memory loss has to be very scary and unsettling. Nonetheless, I really understand your frustration and anger. I do hope you took some time for yourself over the years, while your DH watched the kids, so at least there was some reciprocity? Because otherwise I’m really passed on your behalf - not that it’s any help now.

I am really so very sorry, OP. Can any family come in to help, or friends split some of the driving, meals, etc?

[Anonymous]

^*pissed on your behalf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone - it's OP again.

For those of you who are absolutely dying to know, yes, it's road cycling, and by extension, he dabbles in triathlons (olympic + half ironman), so he has 3 time consuming sports to train for. So the time spent away from the family for training + events is annoying enough, but it's the road biking that gets to me the most. Not to mention the $$$$ for all of the latest high end gear + bikes + travel.

Several of his riding buddies have gotten scraped up pretty badly over the years, and it's not unheard if you follow the sport to hear of people gravely injured or killed as well. I'm sorry but whoever said it is just as safe as running is just plain wrong - any sport where you are riding at high speeds (30-40+ mph) along with people driving 4000lb SUVs while texting is a serious risk. Even if you follow all of the rules and do everything "right", you will never win an argument against a car (or a pothole on a sharp downhill turn).

And yes, he is also into all of the indoor biking options, but in the warmer months prefers to be outside. But right now he is dealing with multiple broken bones and a head injury with short-term memory and cognition issues, so I need to accompany him to all of his doctors appointments.

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. Just venting. Thank you to those of you who have shared similar stories and can relate

"Head injury with short-term memory and cognition issues."

Drop the mic right there.

Screw the "he loves this and it completes him" crap he and others will claim. THAT injury should be his wake-up call to stop the intense stuff. I'd enlist a doctor I'd talked to beforehand and privately primed to give DH a strong come-to-Jesus smackdown about how a second head injury could end up much worse. These things accumulate. In ways affecting not just his riding but his ability to hold a job, parent your kids, function day to day. Time to grow up.

And despite the whole idea of how adults just have to make their own choices even if those choices are dangerous -- Hell no. Adults who have a spouse and kids have to consider the effects of their choices on those people. Your DH is arrogant and probably figures his riding Is Who I Am!, when he should be thinking about how he could easily screw the whole family, not just himself, next time there's an injury.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this. It's part of his life. He could die doing many things. If it's important to him than it's important to you.