Injured DH
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Anonymous
| I get it, OP. Dh picked up a similar hobby after we married, and I live in fear of the phone call. He’s a frequent flyer at the nearest urgent care, and has had quite a few close calls. I’m sorry for what you are all going through. This clearly calls for some serious changes. Don’t baby him - you’ve got enough on your plate without that. Now is a great time to redefine your boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Why are people unnecessarily vague about important details? Stop trying to introduce bias and just tell the story! |
Anonymous
| I always say to my kids that life will sometimes give you warnings and you should pay very close attention to them. This should be THE wake up call. |
Anonymous
This. It's ultimatum time. If he balks, his parents can come pick him up and nurse him back to health for the rest of the recovery. |
Anonymous
| Skydiving? |
Anonymous
| Now that the accident has occurred, is he giving up the bike? |
Anonymous
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It’s pickleball, right? My husband has gotten sucked into our neighborhood dads pickleball pickup game group and has been complaining about his knees. Another dad hurt his ankle, and someone else has a minor head injury.
Anyway - all joking aside - my bet is road cycling, because yes, great exercise, most of y’all are probably lovely people, but the 20% or so of you who are overly aggressive, Lycra-ed up, middle-aged men who want to ride on the streets at rush hour like cars, but not obey traffic signals, make the rest of you look bad. Also irrelevant to the issue. Be very clear with DH - say you can’t take on his care as well beyond the bare minimum and task him with all logistical issue that can be done on-line or on the phone. I’d be annoyed too - more at the time away from family, than the injury. |
Anonymous
| I agree with a pp, if he refuses to give up the activity then your best recourse is to demand equal time away from the family. He's going to be done all Saturday from 8am to 5pm? No problem, you'll be gone Sunday. He's taking Friday to Sunday to go off with buddies? Fine! You get a full weekend to go off with your friends. TRUST me he will cut back if this starts to happen, and don't let him invite his mom every time he's alone 🙄 |
Anonymous
| PP - he really does have options if it’s cycling/MTB. He can use zwift or a Peloton, and add hiking to the mix for outdoor time. An outlet is healthy, an escape from family life that also jeopardizes your family’s stability is completely unacceptable. |
Anonymous
+1. And while I get what people are saying about getting past the resentment, I sort of disagree. i think coming to terms with the fact that your husband wants to engage in a reckless hobby is one thing. But being the primary parent weekend after weekend would not work for me. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t have even had one kid without a come to Jesus talk and I definitely wouldn’t have had two!! |
Anonymous
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I have a similar hobby I have been passionate about since I was a small child (equestrian sport). DH knew about it before we were married, and I made clear the horses were a dealbreaker and would always be part of my life.
I did ramp back competitions when my kids were really small, but now they are a bit older I am on the circuit a fair bit. If you want to stay married, you have to accept the hobby and the risk. I would absolutely divorce if DH asked me to give up the horses. I fed sorry for you, OP, because you don’t have a passion like this in your life. It’s more than a hobby to me, it is my identity. |
Anonymous
Oh, gosh, OP, I have been in your shoes, only it was drinking too much that led to my husband's injury, so I have similar anger issues with him. I did finally get him to stop drinking. Immediately after the injury, I focused my energy into keeping the household running for my kids, and showing them how families take care of each other when things get tough. It was about crisis management and problem solving. (They were young and didn't understand the drinking part, just the injury part). So that kept me a bit less angry. To me, my crisis management was in part, investing in a good lesson for my kids. I didn't work through the anger until afterwards, in the long struggle to get him to stop drinking. He has. In the mean time, we have had discussions about how I need a strong partner I can depend on, how the kids need a strong parent. Risk taking can diminish how strong/reliable a partner/parent is. That seemed to appeal to his ego, FWIW. Not sure if it would work for yours. In your shoes, if he is able to return to this hobby at some point, is there a safer way to do it? I bike. Several people have mentioned that. I do not bike on roads with traffic except under very controlled, organized conditions where traffic is managed by the event coordinator. I still get joy, but in a safer way. If not, what provisions is he building into the family budget and goals to ensure his potentially lost earning power doesn't negatively impact his family? What additional insurance is he carrying, including life insurance and disability insurance? And I agree you need equivalent "you" time for your hobbies, or just because. |
Anonymous
There won’t be a payout if he dies because of his stupid dangerous hobby. |
Anonymous
Depends on the insurance. |