Injured DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

If he isn’t gojng to give up riding his bicycle, couldn’t you at least insist he wear one of those reflective yellow safety vests while riding?

I see joggers using those all the time.

To this PP and the other one, again, who talked about getting a Garmin to alert riders to cars etc. etc., please re-read this post from above. All the reflective vests and special tech in the world do not necessarily prevent this kind of stuff:

I know of three middle aged men who had this hobby and got into severe life-altering accidents. One shattered a leg and had to have a titanium rod put in and now walks with a limp. He skidded out on some wet gravel—there wasn’t even a car or other person involved. Another broke some ribs and his wrist in a pile up with other cyclists in his group. He recovered ok but another guy in the group was pretty severely injured. The other one I don’t know the circumstances but he was a very experienced rider and he got concussed and has dealt with vision issues and headaches ever since.

I posted earlier: This is the time for OP to tell her DH that his hobby is risking his ability to function as a member of their family. I do NOT just mean that in terms of the fact he's currently incapacitated. I mean that he's risking his health and life if he goes back on a bike in the same way once he's healed from the current injuries. He has cognition issues at the moment as OP herself noted earlier. Another head injury could end up like the "very experienced rider" above who is permanently dealing with issues which surely must affect his abilities to work, interact, do things with his kids, etc.

When someone's hobby (however much it "defines who I ammmm!") puts OTHER people's worlds at risk, it is no longer a hobby but pure selfishness. OP's DH is putting his marriage and possibly his kids' futures at risk if he continues at this level where injury is so possible. I wonder if OP is financially prepped to handle things like saving for the kids' college funds, funding her and DH's retirement, dealing with day to day costs, day to day logistics with kids, if DH ends up with permanent issues where he can't work or drive or help out in the way he normally would? Not just for right now. For good.

Ok I’ll bite.

Let’s say he gives up exercising. Takes up a safe, sedentary lifestyle. And soon dies of a stroke or heart attack.

Would that be preferable to a fitness-based hobby?

Stop smothering your husband and let him be himself!

Flag on the play



How about he stops biking but takes up bootcamps or hiking or trail running or CrossFit, or any other fitness hobby besides cycling.

Cycling and Couch-Potato are not the only two options

Why not get a Pelton. It’s basically the same thing.

Another great option.

I put trail running in there as the closest comp. Bc its outside/fresh air. Much safer but still the excitement/adventure of being alone in the woods and navigating the terrain. Really the worst that could happen would be a twisted ankle and having to hobble a few miles for help

Attack and rape come to mind

DH is going to be attacked and raped while jogging on the Seneca Trail?

DH will be able to defend himself. Not so much for some women and teens. My DD crossed paths with a man, then under five minutes later, crossed paths with him again. No coincidence as she did not turn around - he doubled back through the woods. Nothing happened because another couple came up fast behind her. Anyone who doubles back through the woods to encounter a woman again is up to no good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You People who have dangerous hobbies who say, "oh, but I have good life insurance" have no idea what life is like for the surviving spouse. You lose your best friend, and your future and you will never be the same person again. Your kids age well beyond their years and there is a little seed of sadness inside that never goes away.

Stop being selfish!

This is what I thought until DH got into SegwayMaximum (Segway riding for maximum intensity.) What a community! And it's not all high-speed or competitive (although it can be.) Moonlight hand dances are for everyone. Loosen up PP and climb aboard.

I was wondering when you might join this thread. Good to have you back. Have the neighborhood kids stopped making fun of your DH?

Is this t-shorts lady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can totally see your perspective on this OP.

Since becoming a Father, it is unfair of your husband to be leaving you on weekends w/your two small children.
Period.

No matter what he is doing.

However if he was active in this hobby prior to marrying you and continued even before you two had children - it is kinda unfair to be unhappy w/it now even though I can see why you would be.

I would just focus on the fact that yes, your husband WAS behaving recklessly, however do your very best to not let resentment eat at your soul because in time it may negatively impact your marriage.

Easier said than done -> I know.
Try to talk to a close friend or family member about your feelings.
If possible, try also talking to a counselor about this as well.

And allow yourself time to focus on yourself.
Whether that be a hot bath, a solo hike or lunch w/a friend you deserve some respite. ♥️

Hahahaha. My DH left me with two small children for eighteen months in a combat zone. Yes, I was marrying a lawyer, but he also was active reserve and got called up after 09/11. We got through it, and now he has a nice pension we can fall back on b/c of the military service.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he’s having identity issues with being a husband and father.

I’m not judging him. I had the same problem when I first became a parent and picked up a dangerous hobby for a few years after that. I would never criticize someone for this because he’s trying to reconcile these two rolls. If he wasn’t, he would have left already.

I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 20 years and have two great kids, but I definitely struggled with the identity thing for the first ten years or so. It’s not a sign of selfishness necessarily.

I’m sorry he got injured. That didn’t happen to me before I gave up the hobby, but if it had, I would have felt guilty without anyone saying a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycle.

It sounds like he doesn’t know how to bike. Has he ever done a defensive driver class for motorcyclists?

I’d be surprised if he wasn’t required to take one to ride legally again after an accident like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

If he isn’t gojng to give up riding his bicycle, couldn’t you at least insist he wear one of those reflective yellow safety vests while riding?

I see joggers using those all the time.

To this PP and the other one, again, who talked about getting a Garmin to alert riders to cars etc. etc., please re-read this post from above. All the reflective vests and special tech in the world do not necessarily prevent this kind of stuff:

I know of three middle aged men who had this hobby and got into severe life-altering accidents. One shattered a leg and had to have a titanium rod put in and now walks with a limp. He skidded out on some wet gravel—there wasn’t even a car or other person involved. Another broke some ribs and his wrist in a pile up with other cyclists in his group. He recovered ok but another guy in the group was pretty severely injured. The other one I don’t know the circumstances but he was a very experienced rider and he got concussed and has dealt with vision issues and headaches ever since.

I posted earlier: This is the time for OP to tell her DH that his hobby is risking his ability to function as a member of their family. I do NOT just mean that in terms of the fact he's currently incapacitated. I mean that he's risking his health and life if he goes back on a bike in the same way once he's healed from the current injuries. He has cognition issues at the moment as OP herself noted earlier. Another head injury could end up like the "very experienced rider" above who is permanently dealing with issues which surely must affect his abilities to work, interact, do things with his kids, etc.

When someone's hobby (however much it "defines who I ammmm!") puts OTHER people's worlds at risk, it is no longer a hobby but pure selfishness. OP's DH is putting his marriage and possibly his kids' futures at risk if he continues at this level where injury is so possible. I wonder if OP is financially prepped to handle things like saving for the kids' college funds, funding her and DH's retirement, dealing with day to day costs, day to day logistics with kids, if DH ends up with permanent issues where he can't work or drive or help out in the way he normally would? Not just for right now. For good.

Ok I’ll bite.

Let’s say he gives up exercising. Takes up a safe, sedentary lifestyle. And soon dies of a stroke or heart attack.

Would that be preferable to a fitness-based hobby?

Stop smothering your husband and let him be himself!

Flag on the play



How about he stops biking but takes up bootcamps or hiking or trail running or CrossFit, or any other fitness hobby besides cycling.

Cycling and Couch-Potato are not the only two options

Why not get a Pelton. It’s basically the same thing.

Another great option.

I put trail running in there as the closest comp. Bc its outside/fresh air. Much safer but still the excitement/adventure of being alone in the woods and navigating the terrain. Really the worst that could happen would be a twisted ankle and having to hobble a few miles for help

Attack and rape come to mind

DH is going to be attacked and raped while jogging on the Seneca Trail?

Well, what is he wearing on these trail runs? If its those bike shorts....well, he's low-key asking for it

[Anonymous]

If you can, hire some help.

It’s ok to be mad.

Your DH didn’t ask to have an accident though- this stuff happens. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

What is with all these threads being resurrected without any seeming reason? Then posters paying no attention to the fact that they are responding to OPs who posted 6 months, or even years ago?

[Anonymous]

I am a divorced dad of 2 kids and I am currently dating a beautiful lady who wants me to ride my motorcycle. I am not kidding you, she was in tears last weekend when I left her apartment because she is afraid I’ll get into a crash and die. I am 49 and she is 38. I feel like we are at the ages where we shouldn’t be worrying about these things. The reason I have this dangerous hobby is because I am
Very introverted, and deal with bad anxiety. Riding brings me joy and freedom. Is it risky? The data say yes. But I do gamble millions of dollars of peoples portfolio everyday lol I am fine with risk lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know where to start with this, but I have finally had enough time to process all of this and get my feelings down. DH and I have been married for ~5 years and have two small children. He is a great husband and father but has always been very involved in a dangerous and time consuming (not to mention expensive) hobby/sport, which I tolerated pre-kids but ever since our first was born a few years ago it has become a huge wedge issue in our marriage. I have wanted him to give it up completely since he became a dad for the amount of time and risk it poses, but he has always refused saying it is his "escape" and "joy".

Well what do you know, he was out the other week on a day trip to participate in said hobby (leaving me home with the kids for the gazillionth weekend in a row) and I get the dreaded horrible phone call from a stranger that he has been in an accident and is being taken to the ER. Fast forward a very hectic and emotional 48 hours and transfer to another larger hospital and eventual journey home, he has very serious (but ultimately not life threatening) injuries that have left him effectively bedridden for at least the next few weeks.

I have moved beyond the initial extreme shock/worry/relief that he is going to be okay and am now just feeling nothing but anger towards him, that this was totally selfish and reckless and on some level he allowed this to happen by participating in said hobby, while also realizing he could have been left permanently disabled or killed from these injuries and then I feel guilty for being so mad at him. Everyone has expressed their sympathies for his situation but I feel like no one understands what I am dealing with now - I work FT and will also somehow have to manage 2 small kids, a dog, and coordinate/chauffer countless doctor and therapy appointments for DH likely for the next several months. I realize this anger is not productive and I need to find ways to channel it into something more productive/positive. I am hoping to speak with a therapist soon, but looking for any advice or perspective in the meantime.

Get rid of the dog, husband can uber to his appointments; take care of yourself and children. Your schedule is totally not doable for one person.

[Anonymous]

Underwater basket weaving is a very dangerous hobby/sport!

[Anonymous]

Curious if OP is still around - recognizing this was a weirdly resurrected thread - and hoping OP made it through the recovery period. Would love an update of how it went, how they all coped, and whether DH is back at it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a year old....