Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

Drink iced coffee in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this make me so glad I'm not a coffee addict. I enjoy coffee, but I can easily chill in my room for an hour or so if I'm not quite ready to venture out and encounter the Pouncers. Coffee can wait.

Coffee can wait, I don’t “need” it first thing, but I do enjoy it with my quiet time. I don’t understand why some people think vacation time, holidays, etc. are the time to “suck it up.” If anything, a week at the beach or the holidays are the time for maximum enjoyment, including a rare morning to have a quiet cup of coffee or tea before starting the day—and not having to get ready for work right after is a bonus.

[Anonymous]

I actually prefer an hour alone with my coffee. 30 mins minimum.

[Anonymous]

I let them stew and take my time. In a relaxed way, not passively aggressive. I’m sorry you don’t sleep anymore xyz relative. I siezevtge day in my own way. You’re welcome to do yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let them stew and take my time. In a relaxed way, not passively aggressive. I’m sorry you don’t sleep anymore xyz relative. I siezevtge day in my own way. You’re welcome to do yours.

I also wear earplugs. My kids know to tap me if they need something.

[Anonymous]

Morning Pouncers is now in my DCUM shorthand lexicon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say you talk about your preferences, but my guess is that you are being much, much less direct than you need to be.

Also put up a calendar on the fridge with meals. Show the shared ones and for the others (including breakfasts), put “on your own.”

+1

+2. How hard is it to tell your family "Please don't come to the house before 10 am"????? If they can't follow the rule, tell them they aren't welcome at all.

[Anonymous]

My mother is the Queen of the Morning Pouncers. I try to creep downstairs for coffee but she's already there, waiting, ready to catch me up on everyone I don't know who has suffered and/or died since my last visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is the Queen of the Morning Pouncers. I try to creep downstairs for coffee but she's already there, waiting, ready to catch me up on everyone I don't know who has suffered and/or died since my last visit.

Even when she’s told me it all the night before, and over the phone last week.

[Anonymous]

I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

DP. If it’s someone who is a one-off visit, I will suck it up and get up and make an early breakfast, if that’s what they want. However, we have relatives who stay with us fairly frequently who are super early morning people. I love having them, but part of the deal is that I am not going to get up at the crack of dawn, just because you do. You know where coffee maker and fridge are. Thankfully, my relatives are quiet, we have a big house and they will usually go for a run or walk the dogs first thing, so we don’t have to interact before a reasonable hour.

It’s not really so much being up, it’s that some people just can’t read the room in terms of how much interaction people want in the morning. OP is up, she’s just not ready for a full on discussion. I do think some of this is related to the fact that early risers generally see themselves as morally superior. People who aren’t up and at em are “wasting the day.” It is interesting since people like that tend to completely unable to keep their eyes open after 9:30-10:00 at night, and it would be considered to be incredibly rude to try to keep them from falling asleep because I was still up and feeling chatty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

DP. If it’s someone who is a one-off visit, I will suck it up and get up and make an early breakfast, if that’s what they want. However, we have relatives who stay with us fairly frequently who are super early morning people. I love having them, but part of the deal is that I am not going to get up at the crack of dawn, just because you do. You know where coffee maker and fridge are. Thankfully, my relatives are quiet, we have a big house and they will usually go for a run or walk the dogs first thing, so we don’t have to interact before a reasonable hour.

It’s not really so much being up, it’s that some people just can’t read the room in terms of how much interaction people want in the morning. OP is up, she’s just not ready for a full on discussion. I do think some of this is related to the fact that early risers generally see themselves as morally superior. People who aren’t up and at em are “wasting the day.” It is interesting since people like that tend to completely unable to keep their eyes open after 9:30-10:00 at night, and it would be considered to be incredibly rude to try to keep them from falling asleep because I was still up and feeling chatty.

That last part. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

DP. If it’s someone who is a one-off visit, I will suck it up and get up and make an early breakfast, if that’s what they want. However, we have relatives who stay with us fairly frequently who are super early morning people. I love having them, but part of the deal is that I am not going to get up at the crack of dawn, just because you do. You know where coffee maker and fridge are. Thankfully, my relatives are quiet, we have a big house and they will usually go for a run or walk the dogs first thing, so we don’t have to interact before a reasonable hour.

It’s not really so much being up, it’s that some people just can’t read the room in terms of how much interaction people want in the morning. OP is up, she’s just not ready for a full on discussion. I do think some of this is related to the fact that early risers generally see themselves as morally superior. People who aren’t up and at em are “wasting the day.” It is interesting since people like that tend to completely unable to keep their eyes open after 9:30-10:00 at night, and it would be considered to be incredibly rude to try to keep them from falling asleep because I was still up and feeling chatty.

Such a great observation, PP. My dad was a hard-core alcoholic who was passed out drunk on work nights by 8 and weekends by 4:00. But he frequently told me what a lazy lump I was because I liked to sleep in on weekends in HS and college. Have met a lot of other people since who are incredibly judgmental about people who sleep in or don’t get up and at ‘‘em early while blind to all their flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

DP. If it’s someone who is a one-off visit, I will suck it up and get up and make an early breakfast, if that’s what they want. However, we have relatives who stay with us fairly frequently who are super early morning people. I love having them, but part of the deal is that I am not going to get up at the crack of dawn, just because you do. You know where coffee maker and fridge are. Thankfully, my relatives are quiet, we have a big house and they will usually go for a run or walk the dogs first thing, so we don’t have to interact before a reasonable hour.

It’s not really so much being up, it’s that some people just can’t read the room in terms of how much interaction people want in the morning. OP is up, she’s just not ready for a full on discussion. I do think some of this is related to the fact that early risers generally see themselves as morally superior. People who aren’t up and at em are “wasting the day.” It is interesting since people like that tend to completely unable to keep their eyes open after 9:30-10:00 at night, and it would be considered to be incredibly rude to try to keep them from falling asleep because I was still up and feeling chatty.

I agree with all of this and I am a morning person (although I don’t think I’m morally superior — tbh in kind of thing night owls have some kind of super power to be able to handle people after 8pm). The key is reading the room and taking your cues from the other person. If I’m up before someone and they come into the kitchen I’ll say good morning but if they just make a beeline for the coffee maker, I’ll go back to reading my book or whatever until they strike up a conversation with me. I thought that was basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

DP. If it’s someone who is a one-off visit, I will suck it up and get up and make an early breakfast, if that’s what they want. However, we have relatives who stay with us fairly frequently who are super early morning people. I love having them, but part of the deal is that I am not going to get up at the crack of dawn, just because you do. You know where coffee maker and fridge are. Thankfully, my relatives are quiet, we have a big house and they will usually go for a run or walk the dogs first thing, so we don’t have to interact before a reasonable hour.

It’s not really so much being up, it’s that some people just can’t read the room in terms of how much interaction people want in the morning. OP is up, she’s just not ready for a full on discussion. I do think some of this is related to the fact that early risers generally see themselves as morally superior. People who aren’t up and at em are “wasting the day.” It is interesting since people like that tend to completely unable to keep their eyes open after 9:30-10:00 at night, and it would be considered to be incredibly rude to try to keep them from falling asleep because I was still up and feeling chatty.

I agree with all of this and I am a morning person (although I don’t think I’m morally superior — tbh in kind of thing night owls have some kind of super power to be able to handle people after 8pm). The key is reading the room and taking your cues from the other person. If I’m up before someone and they come into the kitchen I’ll say good morning but if they just make a beeline for the coffee maker, I’ll go back to reading my book or whatever until they strike up a conversation with me. I thought that was basic manners.

NP. You are an ideal morning person, and we appreciate you! Ironically, I am also a morning person, but I need a full hour of Me Time before I engage. I wake up way before my kids do on purpose, as early as 6 a.m. during the school year, so I can drink coffee, prepare for the day, and be ready to be On. I usually go to bed about 10:30, and as soon as my kids are in bed (about 9) I need quiet time, too.