Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this, but once when my ILs were visiting and I had been up half the night with a 4-month-old and also had a 3yo, FIL saw me walk into the kitchen and started loudly singing “Hello, Dolly” and I knee-jerk-reaction told him to shut up and if he woke the baby or the 3yo, I would kick him out. He’s never been quite so boisterous in the morning since.

He’s probably made fun of you too.

…and? So?

Your comment was rude and strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

+1,000,000

people are cheap

[Anonymous]

I’m still laughing at “morning pouncers “.

[Anonymous]

They’re prob anxious af. Some folks talk nonstop so they don’t have to be present within. We have family like this. Can’t be quiet, can’t sit still, fill every silence, constantly asking to be tasked. Even when they’re not houseguests. They get a ton done for sure, but exhausting. Def need coffee first. I smile and try not to make small talk. Not rude about it, but it’s not my responsibility to engage and entertain another adult every moment simply by I’m in their eyeline. I like a slower start to the day, have more to offer them if I take that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

It’s hard to do that—some families insist on this togetherness and aren’t as introverted as many if the folks here seem to be.

It’s not about being introverted it’s about wanting people staying w you/you are staying w to be respectful.

[Anonymous]

Stay at a hotel.

Or have them stay at a hotel.

It doesn't work for you. That's fine. But pull the band-aid off.

There's a travel/hotel app for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay at a hotel.

Or have them stay at a hotel.

It doesn't work for you. That's fine. But pull the band-aid off.

There's a travel/hotel app for that.

Right, because it’s not like they’ll wake up just as early and come over anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are hosting and getting up later than most of your guests, that seems weird.

Nope. My dad did night shift work until he transitioned to upper management at a factory, and his internal clock still gets him up at 5 a.m. I’m not getting up at 5 a.m. on holidays or vacations or when we have visitors. If you want to, knock yourself out. My dad is perfectly content to quietly hit “start” on the coffee maker I set up the night before, read, play on his iPad, and quietly say hello when people start to wander downstairs.

Cool story. I said “most of” your guests, not one outlier.

DP. We have a respectful family of people who have vastly different schedules. We can share vacation homes because those of us who are late-night owls can be quiet when the early birds go to sleep. And the early birds can be quiet and respectful in the mornings when they are up and we are not. We usually figure out sleeping arrangements based on the proximity to the common spaces so that the lighter sleepers are further from the common space.

Everyone is respectful despite our different sleep schedules. The key is that people on different schedules need to be respectful. Many early birds are, but many are not. This is the problem with OP's situation. The early birds in her family cannot be respectful of people with different habits and schedules. Therefore the only way to share vacations is to get separate accommodations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

You could have slept in too and let the kids play, which is what we do on vacations like this. No one asked you to make breakfast for 12! Maybe their kids were told to watch tv quietly and make cereal for themselves but your breakfast plan intervened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

+1,000,000

people are cheap

I don't think that's it.

I think they see other families vacation together under one roof, and get along well, and have a fabulous time. I go each year with my family and its great. Our favorite week of the year.

So people see that, and they want it too. But families are different. So they don't get that idyllic experience. But they keep trying because they really want it.

I don't think money really has anything to do with it

[Anonymous]

I think money has a lot to do with it. I know this forum skews wealthy, but there are a lot of people who would see family much less often* if they had to shell out for a hotel every time.

* yes, I get that this a feature not a bug for some folks, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

You sound like starting to make lunch at 1:30 is a crime. Congratulations for eating lunch at 12 and dinner at 6.

Pp here. It isn’t a crime. When meals are divided by family and there are kids ages 2-10, kids don’t eat lunch at 2. After that trip, we just always make sure we have lunch options for at least our kids. That was before Covid and I have only traveled with separate accommodations because I’m so traumatized by that trip. I just stopped liking that other family mostly more parenting style and I think their kid is a psychopath and don’t want them near my kids. The kid was so awful that I questioned the parents’ fake nice demeanor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this, but once when my ILs were visiting and I had been up half the night with a 4-month-old and also had a 3yo, FIL saw me walk into the kitchen and started loudly singing “Hello, Dolly” and I knee-jerk-reaction told him to shut up and if he woke the baby or the 3yo, I would kick him out. He’s never been quite so boisterous in the morning since.

He’s probably made fun of you too.

…and? So?

Your comment was rude and strange.

Anyone loudly singing showtunes first thing in the morning with a sleeping baby and a toddler in the house deserves to be shot, or punched. Being told to shut up was him getting off easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are the opposite side of this. I have young kids who wake up early. We eat lunch at 12 and dinner at 6. We once shared a house with one family who was sushing 8 kids at 10am because the wife was sleeping. We rotated meals and the late family didn’t even start to make lunch until 1:30 and stated their kids are never hungry. I also don’t like when people are up loud at 2am. I do not like to go to vacation homes with others bc there is always some poor distribution of duties.

We last traveled with 2 other families. We are up early, not because we don’t want to sleep in, but because our kids are up. We made breakfast for 12 people. Both other couples slept in. They both said how they had such a great time. The whole time I was thinking these guys just stuck us with their kids.

You sound like starting to make lunch at 1:30 is a crime. Congratulations for eating lunch at 12 and dinner at 6.

Pp here. It isn’t a crime. When meals are divided by family and there are kids ages 2-10, kids don’t eat lunch at 2. After that trip, we just always make sure we have lunch options for at least our kids. That was before Covid and I have only traveled with separate accommodations because I’m so traumatized by that trip. I just stopped liking that other family mostly more parenting style and I think their kid is a psychopath and don’t want them near my kids. The kid was so awful that I questioned the parents’ fake nice demeanor.

Separate accommodations is the right answer. In my family, vacation mealtimes are fluid depending on what we're doing that day. If we go out for a big, late breakfast, we might not be hungry for lunch until 2. Other days we might be up and out early, grab a granola bar for the road, and be hungry for lunch by 11. That's why we won't share accommodations with others. Of course there is nothing wrong with a schedule to feed kids, but it may not be compatible with your travel companions.

[Anonymous]

Btw I am in heaven right now. Vacationing with a family sharing a house and my DH plus the other family’s adults are very late risers, and I’m a morning person who enjoys a quiet cup of coffee for a long time. So I’ve been waking up and cooking breakfast with the kids while the other adults sleep and then slipping out to the deck to quietly drink my coffee and eat my breakfast while the kids all (quietly) entertain each other. Heaven.