Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?
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Anonymous
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If you have successfully navigated family members or ILs like this, I’d love your tips.
On vacation, or even just when we have visitors or are visiting relatives, my family likes to take our time in the mornings. If we have a reason to get up and get going, like church or a planned activity or a planned day trip or something, of course we get up and get going. But otherwise, we like to relax and ease into the day. Some of our relatives are Morning Pouncers. They talk loudly, make no attempt to be a little quiet if people are still sleeping, start fussing about making an elaborate breakfast that none of my family wants, at least not at 6 a.m. In the summer, I’m able to sneak downstairs, get an iced coffee from the fridge, and hide in the bedroom to get at least 30 minutes of blessed quiet, but in winter, I’m trapped with no coffee, because if they see me, they expect full and instant contact and being “on.” We’ve tried talking about our preference to ease into the day, but if they see any of us, the expectations and the noise start, full-on. Any advice? |
Anonymous
| Stay in a different building, obviously. |
Anonymous
| I mean how often is this happening? |
Anonymous
| Stay in separate lodging. |
Anonymous
| Get your coffee and say you have to go poop. |
Anonymous
| Not sure about solutions but I love the term Morning Pouncers, and will use it henceforth. I need at least 30 min of quiet in the mornings and I haaaaaaate when visitors do this! |
Anonymous
| Why not just be honest? “Good morning. I’m going to take my coffee upstairs/to the porch outside for a little morning quiet and reading time.” |
Anonymous
+1. If I can’t stay in separate lodging (the best solution here) I just tell them that I’m not awake yet and take my coffee in my room. Why is communicating so hard for you, OP? |
Anonymous
OP here. That’s exactly what we do. If we go to the porch, they follow and talk. If we go upstairs, it’s loud talking about “I don’t know, if I make eggs, they’ll just get cold. I don’t know when Sally’s coming down to make more coffee [there’s a full pot minus the one cup I took upstairs]” and yes, in our home, all is set up and available to help themselves to anything and they’ve been told help yourselves. I guess we will do separate lodging when possible. |
Anonymous
Tell them “please don’t worry about making breakfast for any of my family. We all wake up late so we’ll just get breakfast on our own.” |
Anonymous
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It’s not really reasonable to expect people who rise earlier not to talk and prepare breakfast. It’s the inverse of you not coming down earlier to join them. Neither of you are being rude, just both existing in your preferred routine.
Separately, yes, once they see you up and about they’re going to think you’ve started your day. Maybe put a Keurig in your room. |
Anonymous
| If you are a host, you need to be flexible with your routine. How long are these guests here a week max? |
Anonymous
| Coffee in a thermos. |
Anonymous
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If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that
You would like someone who should stay in a hotel. |
Anonymous
| I thinks it’s unreasonable to demand quiet time when you have a guest in your home. You literally just had 8 hours of sleep and you want quiet time on your porch while guests…. Avoid you? This sounds borderline rude. |