Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

If you don’t want to interact with early rising hosts in the common areas of their home (which is fine!) you should stay in a hotel. And if you don’t want to interact with early rising guests in your own home (which is again fine), you shouldn’t host. You can still spend plenty of time together after everyone has showered, dressed, and had their morning coffee/bagel/cigarette/joint/Bloody Mary of choice.

[Anonymous]

If you are hosting and getting up later than most of your guests, that seems weird.

[Anonymous]

The issue, perhaps, is that you despise these people, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this, but once when my ILs were visiting and I had been up half the night with a 4-month-old and also had a 3yo, FIL saw me walk into the kitchen and started loudly singing “Hello, Dolly” and I knee-jerk-reaction told him to shut up and if he woke the baby or the 3yo, I would kick him out. He’s never been quite so boisterous in the morning since.

He’s probably made fun of you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let them stew and take my time. In a relaxed way, not passively aggressive. I’m sorry you don’t sleep anymore xyz relative. I siezevtge day in my own way. You’re welcome to do yours.

The relative would most likely be perplexed to hear that you “siezevtge day in my own way.” But youieztge do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

It’s hard to do that—some families insist on this togetherness and aren’t as introverted as many if the folks here seem to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are hosting and getting up later than most of your guests, that seems weird.

I think it depends how early people are up. I have family houseguests who are up at 6 AM. I am up by 8, but I'm not getting up at 6. They know they are welcome to help themselves to breakfast and coffee, and they do so, quietly. If they didn't, HOTEL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this, but once when my ILs were visiting and I had been up half the night with a 4-month-old and also had a 3yo, FIL saw me walk into the kitchen and started loudly singing “Hello, Dolly” and I knee-jerk-reaction told him to shut up and if he woke the baby or the 3yo, I would kick him out. He’s never been quite so boisterous in the morning since.

He’s probably made fun of you too.

…and? So?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are hosting and getting up later than most of your guests, that seems weird.

Nope. My dad did night shift work until he transitioned to upper management at a factory, and his internal clock still gets him up at 5 a.m. I’m not getting up at 5 a.m. on holidays or vacations or when we have visitors. If you want to, knock yourself out. My dad is perfectly content to quietly hit “start” on the coffee maker I set up the night before, read, play on his iPad, and quietly say hello when people start to wander downstairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let them stew and take my time. In a relaxed way, not passively aggressive. I’m sorry you don’t sleep anymore xyz relative. I siezevtge day in my own way. You’re welcome to do yours.

The relative would most likely be perplexed to hear that you “siezevtge day in my own way.” But youieztge do you.

Obvizte!

[Anonymous]

I think unfortunately my best bet is to stay at a hotel, because I’m an introvert who likes a lot of quiet time, not just in the morning. But sometimes it’s unavoidable when family wants to stay in an Airbnb or such for holiday together time, and I’m outnumbered. My family probably thinks I’m just rude. I am a little rude if I’m being totally honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Psst. It’s not about the coffee. “Coffee” is shorthand for easing into the morning and enjoying some peace and quiet before annoying, clueless people barge in on your day.

Then, why can’t OP just wake quietly in her room, read the news, meditate, whatever until she’s ready to face the family?

Because coffee or tea makes that time more enjoyable. Any adult should be able to have an enjoyable hour or so without someone yammering at them.

It's not reasonable to go into a common space but expect people to not engage with you. If you can't stay out of the common space because doing so means going without your morning beverage, you have a dependency.

The engagement should be fine. But they should respect OP when she says that she’s just grabbing a cup of coffee and will be back in 1/2 hour or so and for them to please make themselves at home in the kitchen to make their own breakfast and not to worry about OP’a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to interact with early rising hosts in the common areas of their home (which is fine!) you should stay in a hotel. And if you don’t want to interact with early rising guests in your own home (which is again fine), you shouldn’t host. You can still spend plenty of time together after everyone has showered, dressed, and had their morning coffee/bagel/cigarette/joint/Bloody Mary of choice.

I highly, highly doubt that posters here have a “morning … joint/Bloody Mary of choice.” This is nerd town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are hosting and getting up later than most of your guests, that seems weird.

Nope. My dad did night shift work until he transitioned to upper management at a factory, and his internal clock still gets him up at 5 a.m. I’m not getting up at 5 a.m. on holidays or vacations or when we have visitors. If you want to, knock yourself out. My dad is perfectly content to quietly hit “start” on the coffee maker I set up the night before, read, play on his iPad, and quietly say hello when people start to wander downstairs.

Cool story. I said “most of” your guests, not one outlier.