Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

It’s not the coffee, it’s the sacrosanctness of a personal morning routine. I pretty much always have a bowl of cereal with milk and I also prefer no one to talk to me until I’ve finished it. My dad reads the paper (yes still a physical one). My sister drinks herbal tea. None of us have any caffeine tolerance but we understand the shorthand of coffee drinkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

+1 I have a relative who thinks this is cute. She’ll wander into the kitchen in the morning and just repeat the word “coffee” until you produce it for her. “Good morning, Sally.” “Coffee.” So rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

+1 I have a relative who thinks this is cute. She’ll wander into the kitchen in the morning and just repeat the word “coffee” until you produce it for her. “Good morning, Sally.” “Coffee.” So rude!

That is very rude. My MIL does this. She thinks it’s cute or original. And I’m talking I will simply whisper “Goor morning,” because I’m a human being with manners. I don’t want to talk to her ever, let alone at 7 a.m. I wish she’d get over herself and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Oh please. One small pleasure. It’s not booze Karen.

[Anonymous]

What annoys me is that I would never ever be loud when people who go to bed earlier than I do are trying to sleep! So why do those same people think it’s ok to be really loud in the morning when I’m still trying to sleep? How would these “morning pouncers” like it if I started banging around the kitchen talking in a full volume booming voice, slamming doors etc after they go to bed at night? My brother’s family recently stayed w us. They go to bed early (kids around 7, parents around 9) and get up early (around 5:30-6). We go to bed later (our kids go to bed around 8:30, we generally go to bed around 11:30) and typically our kids sleep til 7. Were we banging pots and pans at 9pm? No. Were we talking at full volume right outside their bedroom doors at 10pm? Obviously not. But they felt fine doing that to us in the 5am hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

+1 I have a relative who thinks this is cute. She’ll wander into the kitchen in the morning and just repeat the word “coffee” until you produce it for her. “Good morning, Sally.” “Coffee.” So rude!

That is very rude. My MIL does this. She thinks it’s cute or original. And I’m talking I will simply whisper “Goor morning,” because I’m a human being with manners. I don’t want to talk to her ever, let alone at 7 a.m. I wish she’d get over herself and shut up.

The happiest day of my life was when my in-laws moved to our town after retiring (from several states away) and we never have to sleep under the same roof again! Ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

It’s not the coffee, it’s the sacrosanctness of a personal morning routine. I pretty much always have a bowl of cereal with milk and I also prefer no one to talk to me until I’ve finished it. My dad reads the paper (yes still a physical one). My sister drinks herbal tea. None of us have any caffeine tolerance but we understand the shorthand of coffee drinkers.

+
Same, generally. I send DH ( or in his absence- the kids). Mom does NOT get up before 9ish on weekends. Period, no discussion usually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

It’s not the coffee, it’s the sacrosanctness of a personal morning routine. I pretty much always have a bowl of cereal with milk and I also prefer no one to talk to me until I’ve finished it. My dad reads the paper (yes still a physical one). My sister drinks herbal tea. None of us have any caffeine tolerance but we understand the shorthand of coffee drinkers.

+
Same, generally. I send DH ( or in his absence- the kids). Mom does NOT get up before 9ish on weekends. Period, no discussion usually.

I also taught my kids to give me my coffee time space each morning, and I have no guilt about it. Not all of us wake up easily, and that’s ok. Whether you want a morning routine of quietly reading a hard copy newspaper or drinking a cup of coffee or going for a morning run, no one should be made to feel like an addict simply because they want peace and quiet while their mind and body wakes up.

[Anonymous]

You can't be flexible for one weekend? My mother in law sleeps in her whole life, but when we are staying over she wakes up somewhat bleary-eyed, happy to be with her grand kids. Then when we are gone she goes back to sleeping in. And no we aren't being crazy loud at 6am, it's like 8:30am but she sleeps in until 10 every day. Flexibility isn't that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't be flexible for one weekend? My mother in law sleeps in her whole life, but when we are staying over she wakes up somewhat bleary-eyed, happy to be with her grand kids. Then when we are gone she goes back to sleeping in. And no we aren't being crazy loud at 6am, it's like 8:30am but she sleeps in until 10 every day. Flexibility isn't that hard.

10 a.m. isn’t “sleeping in,” it’s having a hangover. No one here is complaining that 8:30 is “early.” That is a very late time compared to people we are complaining about who ARE banging around and having full-volume conversations at 6 a.m.

[Anonymous]

The issue with morning people is that, due to puritanical culture, they feel morally superior for being up. They love to be loud and then after you join then, they like to rattle off what they did before you appeared. My FIL does this. Um, I am on vacation and normally I work and take care of 2 kids and 2 pets. You are retired and the fact that your body clock gets you up to mow the yard or whatever you were doing is not a sign of being a better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can’t get separate lodgings without causing rift with the in-laws.

PP that said I have the same problem. The last time the person was going to stay with us, I requested he stay elsewhere because it wasn’t a good time. He said ok and showed up at my house early every morning to “spend time with us.” He might as well have just stayed at our house. OP’s in-laws would probably do something similar.

Then you cause a rift with the in-laws.

I absolutely make my own travel and lodging arrangements for our family. I am not going to subject my family to alternate schedules and people who cannot respect boundaries. I'd rather not go than share lodgings under those conditions. When we've done that in the past, we've ended up with problems with crankiness and problems when we come home and need a lot of time to readjust. When we go and stay alone, we can keep our schedules and we don't end up with those problems. So, either we go on our terms, or we don't go.

At our family reunion in June, we had our own accommodations and our kids slept over with their cousin two of the four nights we were there. That worked because it was four nights in the middle of a 2 week vacation (we planned a vacation around the reunion). That worked fine having the sleepover in the middle. But we (my spouse and I) had our own schedule and we had time after the two nights to get the kids back on a more regular schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I taught my young children not to bother me unless they see me up from the couch without coffee. I mean unless there was blood. I don't know how you vacation with these people.

This is unhinged. What is with all you coffee addicts? Truly. You’re addicts and the fact that it is socially acceptable to be unable to function without a hit of the drug is just wild.

Totally agree! Replace the word coffee with cigarette, joint or mimosa and think about how it sounds people.

Replace it with a run. Does that still sound unhinged to you? How about a glass of water? Going to the bathroom? Reading the newspaper? Saying you want to drink your coffee in peace is not the sign of addiction ffs.

-not a coffee drinker (or alcohol drinker or smoker of any kind)