Morning pouncers—how to handle relatives like this?

[Anonymous]

Not OP. I think it’s the loudness of some people so early in the morning that is so jarring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have successfully navigated family members or ILs like this, I’d love your tips.

On vacation, or even just when we have visitors or are visiting relatives, my family likes to take our time in the mornings. If we have a reason to get up and get going, like church or a planned activity or a planned day trip or something, of course we get up and get going. But otherwise, we like to relax and ease into the day.

Some of our relatives are Morning Pouncers. They talk loudly, make no attempt to be a little quiet if people are still sleeping, start fussing about making an elaborate breakfast that none of my family wants, at least not at 6 a.m. In the summer, I’m able to sneak downstairs, get an iced coffee from the fridge, and hide in the bedroom to get at least 30 minutes of blessed quiet, but in winter, I’m trapped with no coffee, because if they see me, they expect full and instant contact and being “on.” We’ve tried talking about our preference to ease into the day, but if they see any of us, the expectations and the noise start, full-on. Any advice?

I genuinely don't see how the season makes a difference here?

She’s able to get premade coffee out of the fridge rather than having to make hot coffee in the kitchen.

I'm sorry that is silly. I'd be shocked if there was not a pot of coffee already made if everyone is up and active. And if there isn't....set a timer or buy a Keurig. Goodness.

That’s not the point. The point is it takes no time to grab, say, a bottled iced coffee from the fridge and sneak back upstairs. If you are the first one up and hit start on the pre-set-up coffee, it’s going to take some time to brew. And even if it is already brewed via a timer or whatnot, it takes longer to get a mug, pour, add cream and sugar, and retreat somewhere.

I brought iced coffee in bottles to the beach last year for just this purpose. Even if others were up, I could just whisper “good morning,” grab, and head back upstairs. Once or twice ILs started talking to me and I just said, “I’m not awake yet; I’ll be back down in a bit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have successfully navigated family members or ILs like this, I’d love your tips.

On vacation, or even just when we have visitors or are visiting relatives, my family likes to take our time in the mornings. If we have a reason to get up and get going, like church or a planned activity or a planned day trip or something, of course we get up and get going. But otherwise, we like to relax and ease into the day.

Some of our relatives are Morning Pouncers. They talk loudly, make no attempt to be a little quiet if people are still sleeping, start fussing about making an elaborate breakfast that none of my family wants, at least not at 6 a.m. In the summer, I’m able to sneak downstairs, get an iced coffee from the fridge, and hide in the bedroom to get at least 30 minutes of blessed quiet, but in winter, I’m trapped with no coffee, because if they see me, they expect full and instant contact and being “on.” We’ve tried talking about our preference to ease into the day, but if they see any of us, the expectations and the noise start, full-on. Any advice?

I genuinely don't see how the season makes a difference here?

She’s able to get premade coffee out of the fridge rather than having to make hot coffee in the kitchen.

I'm sorry that is silly. I'd be shocked if there was not a pot of coffee already made if everyone is up and active. And if there isn't....set a timer or buy a Keurig. Goodness.

That’s not the point. The point is it takes no time to grab, say, a bottled iced coffee from the fridge and sneak back upstairs. If you are the first one up and hit start on the pre-set-up coffee, it’s going to take some time to brew. And even if it is already brewed via a timer or whatnot, it takes longer to get a mug, pour, add cream and sugar, and retreat somewhere.

I brought iced coffee in bottles to the beach last year for just this purpose. Even if others were up, I could just whisper “good morning,” grab, and head back upstairs. Once or twice ILs started talking to me and I just said, “I’m not awake yet; I’ll be back down in a bit.”

Grabbing something from he fridge takes less time than making a mug of coffee. Sure. But we are talking about max three minutes. Sure, maybe it is slightly annoying to have to interact a little in those three minutes. But for this to be something that even registers as a difference on the annoyance scale is bizarre to me, personally.

(Plus, you can drink iced coffee in the winter. I assume the climate is no different in the house. Plus it isn't even currently winter!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have successfully navigated family members or ILs like this, I’d love your tips.

On vacation, or even just when we have visitors or are visiting relatives, my family likes to take our time in the mornings. If we have a reason to get up and get going, like church or a planned activity or a planned day trip or something, of course we get up and get going. But otherwise, we like to relax and ease into the day.

Some of our relatives are Morning Pouncers. They talk loudly, make no attempt to be a little quiet if people are still sleeping, start fussing about making an elaborate breakfast that none of my family wants, at least not at 6 a.m. In the summer, I’m able to sneak downstairs, get an iced coffee from the fridge, and hide in the bedroom to get at least 30 minutes of blessed quiet, but in winter, I’m trapped with no coffee, because if they see me, they expect full and instant contact and being “on.” We’ve tried talking about our preference to ease into the day, but if they see any of us, the expectations and the noise start, full-on. Any advice?

I genuinely don't see how the season makes a difference here?

She’s able to get premade coffee out of the fridge rather than having to make hot coffee in the kitchen.

I'm sorry that is silly. I'd be shocked if there was not a pot of coffee already made if everyone is up and active. And if there isn't....set a timer or buy a Keurig. Goodness.

That’s not the point. The point is it takes no time to grab, say, a bottled iced coffee from the fridge and sneak back upstairs. If you are the first one up and hit start on the pre-set-up coffee, it’s going to take some time to brew. And even if it is already brewed via a timer or whatnot, it takes longer to get a mug, pour, add cream and sugar, and retreat somewhere.

I brought iced coffee in bottles to the beach last year for just this purpose. Even if others were up, I could just whisper “good morning,” grab, and head back upstairs. Once or twice ILs started talking to me and I just said, “I’m not awake yet; I’ll be back down in a bit.”

Grabbing something from he fridge takes less time than making a mug of coffee. Sure. But we are talking about max three minutes. Sure, maybe it is slightly annoying to have to interact a little in those three minutes. But for this to be something that even registers as a difference on the annoyance scale is bizarre to me, personally.

(Plus, you can drink iced coffee in the winter. I assume the climate is no different in the house. Plus it isn't even currently winter!)

If you give these types an inch, they will take a mile. If you whisper “good morning” to my FIL, he will start booming, full-volume, and go off on a monologue about, like, the pillows in his beach house room. Loud, loud, loud talking. There’s no reading the room, no easing in, no recognition that many other people are still sleeping. He sees another human being and assumes that NOW is the time to make breakfast, so he starts rattling around, never mind that it is 6:30 on vacation and no one wants to be woken up so they can eat some heavy omelette at the exact moment he deems it is time for everyone to sit at the table and eat.

[Anonymous]

Be clear in your expectations.

If in your house, leave a nice note or sign that you will be up and available at X time.

Communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just be honest? “Good morning. I’m going to take my coffee upstairs/to the porch outside for a little morning quiet and reading time.”

OP here. That’s exactly what we do. If we go to the porch, they follow and talk. If we go upstairs, it’s loud talking about “I don’t know, if I make eggs, they’ll just get cold. I don’t know when Sally’s coming down to make more coffee [there’s a full pot minus the one cup I took upstairs]” and yes, in our home, all is set up and available to help themselves to anything and they’ve been told help yourselves.

I guess we will do separate lodging when possible.

You are incompatible, nothing can solve this. Get separate lodgings, minimize contact or just suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP. I think it’s the loudness of some people so early in the morning that is so jarring.

So get some earplugs. This really isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Why do people share lodging with others? Get your own place- all these threads about having to stay with family- if you are an adult and able to run a household and have a job, tell your family no and get a hotel or don’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just be honest? “Good morning. I’m going to take my coffee upstairs/to the porch outside for a little morning quiet and reading time.”

OP here. That’s exactly what we do. If we go to the porch, they follow and talk. If we go upstairs, it’s loud talking about “I don’t know, if I make eggs, they’ll just get cold. I don’t know when Sally’s coming down to make more coffee [there’s a full pot minus the one cup I took upstairs]” and yes, in our home, all is set up and available to help themselves to anything and they’ve been told help yourselves.

I guess we will do separate lodging when possible.

So you are awake and drinking coffee alone in your room. And you expect to not even hear other people that are also awake in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have successfully navigated family members or ILs like this, I’d love your tips.

On vacation, or even just when we have visitors or are visiting relatives, my family likes to take our time in the mornings. If we have a reason to get up and get going, like church or a planned activity or a planned day trip or something, of course we get up and get going. But otherwise, we like to relax and ease into the day.

Some of our relatives are Morning Pouncers. They talk loudly, make no attempt to be a little quiet if people are still sleeping, start fussing about making an elaborate breakfast that none of my family wants, at least not at 6 a.m. In the summer, I’m able to sneak downstairs, get an iced coffee from the fridge, and hide in the bedroom to get at least 30 minutes of blessed quiet, but in winter, I’m trapped with no coffee, because if they see me, they expect full and instant contact and being “on.” We’ve tried talking about our preference to ease into the day, but if they see any of us, the expectations and the noise start, full-on. Any advice?

You know this and still choose to stay in the same house. Stay in a different place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am a guest in someone house I sort of follow their lead. I do not expect them to not get up and breakfast as they normally do just because I like to sleep in. If you came down for coffee and sat on the porch I probably would join you...though if you told me you needed to wake up first I would be fine with that

You would like someone who should stay in a hotel.

I don’t understand these posts either. If we have guests in our home, we alter our routines if needed to be good hosts and help our guests feel welcome. If we are staying in someone else’s home, we are happy to modify our routine as well. If we are on vacation, we prefer having our own lodging. Is everyone so rigid that they can’t change behaviors for a few days at a time?

My Dad used to cook great breakfasts for the kids. That got made or started when kid 1 would appear. Got some cereal and juice until it was ready. OP reltives seemm to want 1 huge pan with 8 eggs scramblled rather than a few sets of 2 eggs. Therefore they really don't want to do sequential cooking so tell them NO breakfast, we'll get food ourselves, and feed yourselves.

OP is talking about relatives that expect all to get up and eat at 1 specific time. And no flexibility on the time like it's a reservation at a restaurant, school lunch, army barracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be clear in your expectations.

If in your house, leave a nice note or sign that you will be up and available at X time.

Communication.

Short of this, feign a migraine;

I really will get a horrible headache if I don’t have some coffee in the morning. Grab your coffee and announce you need some time to wake up. Retreat to your bedroom and loll about in bed. Take a long shower, organize your clothes, straighten your room.

Or, avoid the Morning Pouncers by emerging from your room prepared to
leave: 1) on a fitness walk/run 2) a solo errand 3) a drive…but you leave with keys in hand and packed and ready to go

Then go out and do your own damn thing

[Anonymous]

PP and yes love term Morning Pouncers!

[Anonymous]

Morning people are so annoying. They have made school and work start at an absurd hour and they can't be satisfied; they also like to ruin weekends and vacations. They try to act like everyone else is lazy. TBH, I find most of them insufferable. Just tell them--hey we really aren't morning people and this is our chance to sleep in because we have work and school normally. Thanks for understanding and waiting for us to raise the noise level etc.