Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's friend just isn't that into her.

She's an acquaintance, who didn't want to help to that extent, was too ashamed to say no, and got mad afterward for her own failure to stand for herself, and externalized it onto OP. Calling herself "boy" (sexist) shows how she worked herself up into feeling demeaned below the status she tries to project for herself.

Also possible she miss something she was planning to do, maybe her DH yelled at her or her kid got into a mess, and that wrecked her mood ans she needed to to blame OP to cope.

Srsly?

No wonder both OP and you have so few friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

OP iI like that you said "if you can't no worries at all!" It's always good to give an out. I also like that you thanked her profusely and I think it's fine to pay her for her time. This isn't about being offended by the cash IMO. She is setting a boundary. She is saying to stop asking for these sorts of favors. Is this the first time you have asked? If so, now you know, it's not her thing. You can judge and be offended or just accept that boundary. Have you don't favors for her before or declined favors? Context helps, but regardless, rather than stewing in resentment she made her boundary clear. She could have been more tactful, but if you like her a lot I would simply apologize for asking and respect the line in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

OP iI like that you said "if you can't no worries at all!" It's always good to give an out. I also like that you thanked her profusely and I think it's fine to pay her for her time. This isn't about being offended by the cash IMO. She is setting a boundary. She is saying to stop asking for these sorts of favors. Is this the first time you have asked? If so, now you know, it's not her thing. You can judge and be offended or just accept that boundary. Have you don't favors for her before or declined favors? Context helps, but regardless, rather than stewing in resentment she made her boundary clear. She could have been more tactful, but if you like her a lot I would simply apologize for asking and respect the line in the sand.

Just posted, but also wanted to say, she should have just declined because clearly she didn't want to do it. Instead she did it and gave you a guilt trip. Regardless, don't ask her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are very fussy about pretending to not like money, and would have preferred a gift.

Who says she's pretending? Paying someone for this could pretty easily make it feel like a commercial transaction, rather than an act of friendship. I honestly wouldn't want to be compensated more than the cost of shipping and a few bucks for gas. If you're paying me, I'm your errand boy and you don't want to be in my debt. If we're friends, I just trust that someday you'll do me a favor when I need it, because that's part of being friends.

Why can't a friend send you a thank-gift for going way out of your way, and also help you when you need a favor?

A thank-you gift would be a bottle of wine or a small souvenir from the trip. Cash is payment.

There have been countless threads about how people hate gifts of junk or gifts that feed addiction like sugary food and alcohol. The cash wasn't the issue. The friend does not want to be asked again. We don't know how many favors OP has requested and why this friend didn't just decline, which would have made the most sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think we need to see the note you sent her asking for the favor.
Or did you call her?

I think her offense might have come from the way you asked.

I said, "Hey ____, I have a huge favor to ask and you can totally say no. Absolutely no worries if you do!" She said it was no problem and that she would be happy to help. I told her that the door code was still the same as last time and where to find the item.

I just posted a few times, but OP reading this it sounds like you were very tactful in your request. She has trouble with assertiveness. This is her issue. She thought it was the "right thing" to say yes, but also didn't understand that it is also right to be respectful. You don't say yes and claim it's no problem and then act all miffed. My mother is like this. Culturally she assumes she must say yes to this sort of thing, but our culture does not say it's OK to then be a B, but my mom did this all the time-do a favor and then lose her temper at the person. This is why I only say "yes" when I mean it and then it's no big deal to me. I say "no" a lot too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the real question is should you remain friends with this person. The answer is no.

Helping a friend in need out is exactly what defines a friendship. You could have contacted someone on Task Rabbit to run the errand, a neighbor, etc.

Please drop this person immediately. There are plenty of friends in the sea. This is not someone who values you or your friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are very fussy about pretending to not like money, and would have preferred a gift.

Who says she's pretending? Paying someone for this could pretty easily make it feel like a commercial transaction, rather than an act of friendship. I honestly wouldn't want to be compensated more than the cost of shipping and a few bucks for gas. If you're paying me, I'm your errand boy and you don't want to be in my debt. If we're friends, I just trust that someday you'll do me a favor when I need it, because that's part of being friends.

Why can't a friend send you a thank-gift for going way out of your way, and also help you when you need a favor?

A thank-you gift would be a bottle of wine or a small souvenir from the trip. Cash is payment.

There have been countless threads about how people hate gifts of junk or gifts that feed addiction like sugary food and alcohol. The cash wasn't the issue. The friend does not want to be asked again. We don't know how many favors OP has requested and why this friend didn't just decline, which would have made the most sense.

The cash was totally the issue. OP hired her "friend" to be her task rabbit. That's not cool.

I agree with another poster that OP should drop the friendship. OP needs to sign up for task rabbit and stop hiring her friends.

[Anonymous]

Just talk to her in real life and ask her what she meant by her comment!

Why waste time here asking strangers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are very fussy about pretending to not like money, and would have preferred a gift.

Who says she's pretending? Paying someone for this could pretty easily make it feel like a commercial transaction, rather than an act of friendship. I honestly wouldn't want to be compensated more than the cost of shipping and a few bucks for gas. If you're paying me, I'm your errand boy and you don't want to be in my debt. If we're friends, I just trust that someday you'll do me a favor when I need it, because that's part of being friends.

Why can't a friend send you a thank-gift for going way out of your way, and also help you when you need a favor?

A thank-you gift would be a bottle of wine or a small souvenir from the trip. Cash is payment.

There have been countless threads about how people hate gifts of junk or gifts that feed addiction like sugary food and alcohol. The cash wasn't the issue. The friend does not want to be asked again. We don't know how many favors OP has requested and why this friend didn't just decline, which would have made the most sense.

The cash was totally the issue. OP hired her "friend" to be her task rabbit. That's not cool.

I agree with another poster that OP should drop the friendship. OP needs to sign up for task rabbit and stop hiring her friends.

It’s so strange how OP keeps ignoring the obvious. The extra payment is what made the friend feel,ike an errand boy. The OP seems like the clueless oerson and bad friend, not her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did nothing wrong, except perhaps pay extravagantly. A friend would either have done this for nothing, or politely declined because they did not have the time.

+1. I had this exact situation and my good friend happily drove to my house, found the hidden watch box (it was a birthday present I was presenting on my son's 17th birthday dinner on vacation), wrapped it!!, mailed it overnight, and didn't even want to take money for the shipping cost. (Of course I reimbursed her the shipping cost and thanked her profusely). This is what good friends do for each other. I'd happily do the same for her.


Oh, and yes, I realize it was just a birthday gift and not something like medication, but she is also a mother and understood why I even asked if she minded doing it in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it would be a little awkward if a friend paid me that much extra - especially since it sets some kind of precedent for favors. But if it was a real friend I’d just say “Larla it was my pleasure to ship you your meds. I hope you’d do the same for me. Let’s use the money for a nice dinner together.”

Getting pissy about it is just nasty.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this that bad? I had to suddenly leave and go out of town. I realize that I left something important at home. I asked my friend if she could go to my house, get it, take it to the PO and overnight it to me. I told her I would of course pay for the shipping and compensate her for gas, etc. She agreed to do it and I cash app'd her $250. After she mailed it, she sent me the rec from the PO. It was $65 to ship. I thanked her profusely and confirmed that she got the cash app. Later that night she sent me a text saying how I treated her like an "errand boy". I'm confused as to what social norm I broke here?

She's a jerk. Sorry. If she didn't want to do it, she shoudl have said no. This is the type of things friends do for each other.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's friend just isn't that into her.

She's an acquaintance, who didn't want to help to that extent, was too ashamed to say no, and got mad afterward for her own failure to stand for herself, and externalized it onto OP. Calling herself "boy" (sexist) shows how she worked herself up into feeling demeaned below the status she tries to project for herself.

Also possible she miss something she was planning to do, maybe her DH yelled at her or her kid got into a mess, and that wrecked her mood ans she needed to to blame OP to cope.

Srsly?

No wonder both OP and you have so few friends.

Do you have elite computer hacking skills, or merely a hyperactive imagination?

[Anonymous]

OP WHAT WAS THE ITEM?!?!?!


I'M CALLING TROLL ON THIS POST AT THIS POINT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are very fussy about pretending to not like money, and would have preferred a gift.

Who says she's pretending? Paying someone for this could pretty easily make it feel like a commercial transaction, rather than an act of friendship. I honestly wouldn't want to be compensated more than the cost of shipping and a few bucks for gas. If you're paying me, I'm your errand boy and you don't want to be in my debt. If we're friends, I just trust that someday you'll do me a favor when I need it, because that's part of being friends.

Why can't a friend send you a thank-gift for going way out of your way, and also help you when you need a favor?

A thank-you gift would be a bottle of wine or a small souvenir from the trip. Cash is payment.

There have been countless threads about how people hate gifts of junk or gifts that feed addiction like sugary food and alcohol. The cash wasn't the issue. The friend does not want to be asked again. We don't know how many favors OP has requested and why this friend didn't just decline, which would have made the most sense.

The cash was totally the issue. OP hired her "friend" to be her task rabbit. That's not cool.

I agree with another poster that OP should drop the friendship. OP needs to sign up for task rabbit and stop hiring her friends.

It’s so strange how OP keeps ignoring the obvious. The extra payment is what made the friend feel,ike an errand boy. The OP seems like the clueless oerson and bad friend, not her friend.

I agree that the cash was the problem.

Some random country boys pulled my dad's car out of the mud when he got stuck while birding. He asked me if he should pay them. I said that he should offer, but that they'd refuse the payment and ask him to pay it forward by helping someone else. That's exactly how it went down.

OP could have said, "Can I pay you for your trouble?" Then the script would have been set in motion.

To just flat-out give her money made her feel like an errand boy.