Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP did you read my update about the wine. She said I was being "shady".

I said I would get a glass of the wine since she kept raving that I need to try it. She said, "oh you're in for a treat". So I suggested getting one for her, "Well since you've turned me onto a new wine, you should get one too! My treat!". She said, "oh you don't have to tell me twice, I love that wine!".

Then when the waiter came and I was looking at it to read him the name, I figured that a bottle was cheaper (especially if I liked it as much as she said I would) if I was getting more than one glass. Then I just said to the waiter that we will do a bottle.

She raved about the wine, but I'm not allowed to buy it because that would be "being a show off"? I'm not understanding, but I do sometimes read situations wrong so that's why I'm open to learning.

Maybe she only wanted one glass that day. By ordering the bottle you obligated her to drinking half. I always ask my dinner mates if they want a bottle or if they want to get something separate or a cocktail. I don't force a bottle on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP did you read my update about the wine. She said I was being "shady".

I said I would get a glass of the wine since she kept raving that I need to try it. She said, "oh you're in for a treat". So I suggested getting one for her, "Well since you've turned me onto a new wine, you should get one too! My treat!". She said, "oh you don't have to tell me twice, I love that wine!".

Then when the waiter came and I was looking at it to read him the name, I figured that a bottle was cheaper (especially if I liked it as much as she said I would) if I was getting more than one glass. Then I just said to the waiter that we will do a bottle.

She raved about the wine, but I'm not allowed to buy it because that would be "being a show off"? I'm not understanding, but I do sometimes read situations wrong so that's why I'm open to learning.

It’s not just the one event. It’s your whole dynamic of you one-upping and doing things that can never be reciprocated. She also talked about how you always have people around and don’t fill her in on your life. She’s saying she finds your friendship shallow and she’s not that into it. You need to accept that. You don’t need her to like you.

This is why I'm not understanding her comments. We talk DAILY. We go out or do an evening in (dinner/game night/ movie night) at least every 2 weeks. I had to leave town urgently. Between me finding out and leaving was less than 18 hrs. I had time to tie up loose ends with my small business, do laundry, organize dog walkers for the days my husband is gone all day, get an oil change and LEAVE. I had an emergency to tend to. I didn't just decide to go on a vacation spur of the moment.

OP if you’re that close you ought to be able to have an in person conversation about this.

Also how many other friends do you have?

[Anonymous]

I was 1 comment
said 1 time
drop-it Op

[Anonymous]

Oh, I think the friend was totally angling for OP to offer to buy the wine, by saying how great it was and also mentioning how she couldn't afford it. And now friend acts like that was "shady" so she can't be accused of taking advantage. Maybe she was embarrassed that OP went ahead and got the whole bottle.

And then she's also asked for huge favors like using OP's house for a party?! She doesn't get to act like the poor put upon errand boy who takes great offense at OP's generosity lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I think the friend was totally angling for OP to offer to buy the wine, by saying how great it was and also mentioning how she couldn't afford it. And now friend acts like that was "shady" so she can't be accused of taking advantage. Maybe she was embarrassed that OP went ahead and got the whole bottle.

And then she's also asked for huge favors like using OP's house for a party?! She doesn't get to act like the poor put upon errand boy who takes great offense at OP's generosity lol.

OP probably insisted that the friend use her house.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably projecting but I have a wealthy brother who annoys the cr*p out of me … always making a big show of how generous he is to make himself feel important. This trickles over into him acting like he is in charge of everything (like - ordering wine at dinner). It really rubs me the wrong way and yes, it would bug me if he tried to pay me as if I were a professional courier for doing an errand for him.

[Anonymous]

She feels insecure because you are wealthy and you act it, and because apparently you are more popular than she is.
You can't change that. She can get over or you can fade out over little fights like this.

Is she married? If so she should be working this out with her partner or DCUM.

Is she lonely with few people giving her little attention?

She might be reading this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I think the friend was totally angling for OP to offer to buy the wine, by saying how great it was and also mentioning how she couldn't afford it. And now friend acts like that was "shady" so she can't be accused of taking advantage. Maybe she was embarrassed that OP went ahead and got the whole bottle.

And then she's also asked for huge favors like using OP's house for a party?! She doesn't get to act like the poor put upon errand boy who takes great offense at OP's generosity lol.

OP probably insisted that the friend use her house.

Wrong again.

She was telling me about how she didn’t want to have to rent a place for her child’s bday and they didn’t want to do it at their house. I asked what kind of place did she want in terms of a pizza place vs a park pavilion vs a water park. She said she wanted a place with an inside space for eating/games and yard for a bouncy house. Then she said “kind of like your house”. So I offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, I think the friend was totally angling for OP to offer to buy the wine, by saying how great it was and also mentioning how she couldn't afford it. And now friend acts like that was "shady" so she can't be accused of taking advantage. Maybe she was embarrassed that OP went ahead and got the whole bottle.

And then she's also asked for huge favors like using OP's house for a party?! She doesn't get to act like the poor put upon errand boy who takes great offense at OP's generosity lol.

OP probably insisted that the friend use her house.

Wrong again.

She was telling me about how she didn’t want to have to rent a place for her child’s bday and they didn’t want to do it at their house. I asked what kind of place did she want in terms of a pizza place vs a park pavilion vs a water park. She said she wanted a place with an inside space for eating/games and yard for a bouncy house. Then she said “kind of like your house”. So I offered.

Sounds similar to the wine situation, lol. Guess you should stop offering since it makes her feel so terrible.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read through all the responses - but my guess is that your friend would only feel like an errand boy if you regularly ask her for favors. It's one thing to help once in a while but I'm sure we all know people who ask for favors constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read through all the responses - but my guess is that your friend would only feel like an errand boy if you regularly ask her for favors. It's one thing to help once in a while but I'm sure we all know people who ask for favors constantly.

Maybe you should clue in to the rest of the thread.

[Anonymous]

There's something off about the way this is being reported. Certain conversations are quoted, others are paraphrased, others are glossed over entirely (text about "I know we already talked about this but" and "when you brought up the wine" without actually talking about those interactions). OP is selectively reporting what is happening here in a way that makes her friend seem erratic and strange and herself seem only absentminded and beatifically generous. Add in the endless energy for arguing with people on DCUM but very little for having a tough conversation with the friend she speaks to DAILY, and it all adds up to not quite believable.

OP if this person who does favors for you at the drop of a hat is insufferable now because she doesn't want to do that anymore, then stop being friends with her. But all this back story about how you forgot to mention it before, but you also paid for her house and it made her uncomfortable that you bought her a 5/4 when she said they only needed a 4/3 is not really adding up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's something off about the way this is being reported. Certain conversations are quoted, others are paraphrased, others are glossed over entirely (text about "I know we already talked about this but" and "when you brought up the wine" without actually talking about those interactions). OP is selectively reporting what is happening here in a way that makes her friend seem erratic and strange and herself seem only absentminded and beatifically generous. Add in the endless energy for arguing with people on DCUM but very little for having a tough conversation with the friend she speaks to DAILY, and it all adds up to not quite believable.

OP if this person who does favors for you at the drop of a hat is insufferable now because she doesn't want to do that anymore, then stop being friends with her. But all this back story about how you forgot to mention it before, but you also paid for her house and it made her uncomfortable that you bought her a 5/4 when she said they only needed a 4/3 is not really adding up.

That was discussed in detail. It was an earlier comment. Nothing was ever stated about buying a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something off about the way this is being reported. Certain conversations are quoted, others are paraphrased, others are glossed over entirely (text about "I know we already talked about this but" and "when you brought up the wine" without actually talking about those interactions). OP is selectively reporting what is happening here in a way that makes her friend seem erratic and strange and herself seem only absentminded and beatifically generous. Add in the endless energy for arguing with people on DCUM but very little for having a tough conversation with the friend she speaks to DAILY, and it all adds up to not quite believable.

OP if this person who does favors for you at the drop of a hat is insufferable now because she doesn't want to do that anymore, then stop being friends with her. But all this back story about how you forgot to mention it before, but you also paid for her house and it made her uncomfortable that you bought her a 5/4 when she said they only needed a 4/3 is not really adding up.

That was discussed in detail. It was an earlier comment. Nothing was ever stated about buying a house.

No, OP said "I called her to ask what she meant. She started ranting about money and something that happened the last time we went out. Basically, I ordered a bottle of wine for the table and I had them put it on my tab since it would be ridiculous for her to have to go in on a more expensive bottle that she wouldn’t have otherwise ordered." Then came back in a later post and offered OP's version of the wine story. But "she started ranting" is not discussing what she said in detail, it is intentionally vague and intended to make the friend look crazy or unbalanced, and a pretty stark contrast to the full quotes OP uses when sharing texts or recounting conversations she thinks paint her in a good light.

I read the whole thread. OP is trickle-something here, and I'm not sure I believe it's an unbalanced truth. You can believe whatever suits you.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute, I missed this before, but two grown adults, at least one of whom is wealthy, going out for dinner and telling the waiter to make separate checks like they can't settle it themselves, is ridiculous. I call shenanigans on this whole thread.