Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".

[Anonymous]

She said the wine was too expensive for every day and you ordered it. You thought you were being generous but it comes off as being a show off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said the wine was too expensive for every day and you ordered it. You thought you were being generous but it comes off as being a show off.

And she drank it, no? It's a bit disingenuous to accepts gifts/services/ other benefits from your friends and then later throw it in their face and act all indignant.

[Anonymous]

Update, I apologized. I said,

Hey, I'm really sorry if I offended you by sending extra money or if you felt put upon when I asked you to do me a favor. I know we talked about it earlier, but you still seem to be upset. You mentioned the wine at dinner, but didn't elaborate. I don't know what you would like me to do differently but if you tell me, I can try. I apologize for hurting you.

Here's her reply:
"It's nothing for you to apologize for. It's not the money and it's not that you asked me to do it. I was happy to do it for you, my friend. It's just that you have so many people around you all the time. It's like you don't need me. You left and ran off to your second home and only told me as you were packing your things."

(Second message a few mins later)"About the wine, idk, like it was just weird. You were gonna get a glass and offered to get me a glass as well which was cool since I wasn't going to spend money on a pricey wine but then when the waiter came you asked for a bottle. I just think that was shady and weird. But it's fine."


So... I don't even know where to go with this. I told her as I was packing because I found out a few hours before I had to leave. She's making it sound like I planned a vacation and didn't tell her. As far as the wine situation, once you're buying more than 1.5 glasses of wine, it's usually just cheaper to get the bottle (and it was!). Ugh, I'm trying to give her grace and to understand my errors but she's not giving me much to go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update, I apologized. I said,

Hey, I'm really sorry if I offended you by sending extra money or if you felt put upon when I asked you to do me a favor. I know we talked about it earlier, but you still seem to be upset. You mentioned the wine at dinner, but didn't elaborate. I don't know what you would like me to do differently but if you tell me, I can try. I apologize for hurting you.

Here's her reply:
"It's nothing for you to apologize for. It's not the money and it's not that you asked me to do it. I was happy to do it for you, my friend. It's just that you have so many people around you all the time. It's like you don't need me. You left and ran off to your second home and only told me as you were packing your things."

(Second message a few mins later)"About the wine, idk, like it was just weird. You were gonna get a glass and offered to get me a glass as well which was cool since I wasn't going to spend money on a pricey wine but then when the waiter came you asked for a bottle. I just think that was shady and weird. But it's fine."


So... I don't even know where to go with this. I told her as I was packing because I found out a few hours before I had to leave. She's making it sound like I planned a vacation and didn't tell her. As far as the wine situation, once you're buying more than 1.5 glasses of wine, it's usually just cheaper to get the bottle (and it was!). Ugh, I'm trying to give her grace and to understand my errors but she's not giving me much to go on.

Okay, I posted earlier and I was judgmental toward you. I take it back. She is simply nuts. What she said is nonsense. Is she possibly a bit in love with you/obsessed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update, I apologized. I said,

Hey, I'm really sorry if I offended you by sending extra money or if you felt put upon when I asked you to do me a favor. I know we talked about it earlier, but you still seem to be upset. You mentioned the wine at dinner, but didn't elaborate. I don't know what you would like me to do differently but if you tell me, I can try. I apologize for hurting you.

Here's her reply:
"It's nothing for you to apologize for. It's not the money and it's not that you asked me to do it. I was happy to do it for you, my friend. It's just that you have so many people around you all the time. It's like you don't need me. You left and ran off to your second home and only told me as you were packing your things."

(Second message a few mins later)"About the wine, idk, like it was just weird. You were gonna get a glass and offered to get me a glass as well which was cool since I wasn't going to spend money on a pricey wine but then when the waiter came you asked for a bottle. I just think that was shady and weird. But it's fine."


So... I don't even know where to go with this. I told her as I was packing because I found out a few hours before I had to leave. She's making it sound like I planned a vacation and didn't tell her. As far as the wine situation, once you're buying more than 1.5 glasses of wine, it's usually just cheaper to get the bottle (and it was!). Ugh, I'm trying to give her grace and to understand my errors but she's not giving me much to go on.

Okay, I posted earlier and I was judgmental toward you. I take it back. She is simply nuts. What she said is nonsense. Is she possibly a bit in love with you/obsessed?

Op here,

I doubt she’s in love with me lol. She’s never been super clingy so I was surprised to hear her saying all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said the wine was too expensive for every day and you ordered it. You thought you were being generous but it comes off as being a show off.

??

[Anonymous]

Based on your update you should drop her a slow fade is best. Immature, annoying, and drama prone. No one has time for that. She can join Twitter or Tumblr for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said the wine was too expensive for every day and you ordered it. You thought you were being generous but it comes off as being a show off.

And she drank it, no? It's a bit disingenuous to accepts gifts/services/ other benefits from your friends and then later throw it in their face and act all indignant.

She would have been considered a psycho for refusing it once it was at the table. She could not win in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Fade this person. It will not get better, and she's psycho .

[Anonymous]

DP. I don’t think she’s a psycho. I think she doesn’t like you and is tired of the type of friendship you offer, where you appear to enjoy being a social butterfly/bon vivant with a throng around you. This actually puts it all in good context. I don’t think you’re really friends and I don’t think these are the only two occasions where you’ve given the impression that you’re some kind of Lady Bountiful that everyone should be grateful to. It’s nice to be generous, but not nice to act as if every occasion is a party you are personally hosting so everyone can admire your beautiful home.

[Anonymous]

PP did you read my update about the wine. She said I was being "shady".

I said I would get a glass of the wine since she kept raving that I need to try it. She said, "oh you're in for a treat". So I suggested getting one for her, "Well since you've turned me onto a new wine, you should get one too! My treat!". She said, "oh you don't have to tell me twice, I love that wine!".

Then when the waiter came and I was looking at it to read him the name, I figured that a bottle was cheaper (especially if I liked it as much as she said I would) if I was getting more than one glass. Then I just said to the waiter that we will do a bottle.

She raved about the wine, but I'm not allowed to buy it because that would be "being a show off"? I'm not understanding, but I do sometimes read situations wrong so that's why I'm open to learning.

[Anonymous]

My reply at 13:47 was in response to this:

She would have been considered a psycho for refusing it once it was at the table. She could not win in this situation.

Sorry about that. More comments came in while I was typing so the "PP" is unclear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP did you read my update about the wine. She said I was being "shady".

I said I would get a glass of the wine since she kept raving that I need to try it. She said, "oh you're in for a treat". So I suggested getting one for her, "Well since you've turned me onto a new wine, you should get one too! My treat!". She said, "oh you don't have to tell me twice, I love that wine!".

Then when the waiter came and I was looking at it to read him the name, I figured that a bottle was cheaper (especially if I liked it as much as she said I would) if I was getting more than one glass. Then I just said to the waiter that we will do a bottle.

She raved about the wine, but I'm not allowed to buy it because that would be "being a show off"? I'm not understanding, but I do sometimes read situations wrong so that's why I'm open to learning.

It’s not just the one event. It’s your whole dynamic of you one-upping and doing things that can never be reciprocated. She also talked about how you always have people around and don’t fill her in on your life. She’s saying she finds your friendship shallow and she’s not that into it. You need to accept that. You don’t need her to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think she’s a psycho. I think she doesn’t like you and is tired of the type of friendship you offer, where you appear to enjoy being a social butterfly/bon vivant with a throng around you. This actually puts it all in good context. I don’t think you’re really friends and I don’t think these are the only two occasions where you’ve given the impression that you’re some kind of Lady Bountiful that everyone should be grateful to. It’s nice to be generous, but not nice to act as if every occasion is a party you are personally hosting so everyone can admire your beautiful home.

Not true. I really don't give a rip if anyone is grateful to me. It's nice when people appreciate you, but I don't do things so that I can collect accolades. Maybe you do, but that's not me.

Also, when she has hosted at my home, I either am not there, or act as a helping hand for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP did you read my update about the wine. She said I was being "shady".

I said I would get a glass of the wine since she kept raving that I need to try it. She said, "oh you're in for a treat". So I suggested getting one for her, "Well since you've turned me onto a new wine, you should get one too! My treat!". She said, "oh you don't have to tell me twice, I love that wine!".

Then when the waiter came and I was looking at it to read him the name, I figured that a bottle was cheaper (especially if I liked it as much as she said I would) if I was getting more than one glass. Then I just said to the waiter that we will do a bottle.

She raved about the wine, but I'm not allowed to buy it because that would be "being a show off"? I'm not understanding, but I do sometimes read situations wrong so that's why I'm open to learning.

It’s not just the one event. It’s your whole dynamic of you one-upping and doing things that can never be reciprocated. She also talked about how you always have people around and don’t fill her in on your life. She’s saying she finds your friendship shallow and she’s not that into it. You need to accept that. You don’t need her to like you.

This is why I'm not understanding her comments. We talk DAILY. We go out or do an evening in (dinner/game night/ movie night) at least every 2 weeks. I had to leave town urgently. Between me finding out and leaving was less than 18 hrs. I had time to tie up loose ends with my small business, do laundry, organize dog walkers for the days my husband is gone all day, get an oil change and LEAVE. I had an emergency to tend to. I didn't just decide to go on a vacation spur of the moment.