Friend says I treated her "like an errand boy".

[Anonymous]

Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

OP, you said you expected it to cost $100 and you sent her $250 - like a tip or payment for services rendered. But you asked for a favor, and she did you a favor.

Don't do that. I would have been insulted too. Send $100 with the note that you expect the shipping to be $100. This is what you would do for a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people are very fussy about pretending to not like money, and would have preferred a gift.

Who says she's pretending? Paying someone for this could pretty easily make it feel like a commercial transaction, rather than an act of friendship. I honestly wouldn't want to be compensated more than the cost of shipping and a few bucks for gas. If you're paying me, I'm your errand boy and you don't want to be in my debt. If we're friends, I just trust that someday you'll do me a favor when I need it, because that's part of being friends.

Why can't a friend send you a thank-gift for going way out of your way, and also help you when you need a favor?

A thank-you gift would be a bottle of wine or a small souvenir from the trip. Cash is payment.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it would be a little awkward if a friend paid me that much extra - especially since it sets some kind of precedent for favors. But if it was a real friend I’d just say “Larla it was my pleasure to ship you your meds. I hope you’d do the same for me. Let’s use the money for a nice dinner together.”

Getting pissy about it is just nasty.

[Anonymous]

Have you replied to her?
I would just say something like "oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I definitely did not want to make you feel like that! I'm so appreciative that you went out of your way for me, it really means a lot."

[Anonymous]

Her note doesn’t sound like she’s mad about the money. Sounds like she’s mad about being asked to do the errand.

[Anonymous]

She didn’t send the money back.

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with overpaying her. She took time out of her day to do this. I think it's good you thanked her profusely. Just apologize for making her feel that way and don't text her again for favors. Do you do this often or was this the first time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with overpaying her. She took time out of her day to do this. I think it's good you thanked her profusely. Just apologize for making her feel that way and don't text her again for favors. Do you do this often or was this the first time?

Her terse note makes it seem like she’s really pissed off. Is she always kind of harsh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with overpaying her. She took time out of her day to do this. I think it's good you thanked her profusely. Just apologize for making her feel that way and don't text her again for favors. Do you do this often or was this the first time?

Her terse note makes it seem like she’s really pissed off. Is she always kind of harsh?

I mean, she could have said something like “I’m so happy to help you! But there was no need to pay me for my time. Have a good trip!” But she didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with overpaying her. She took time out of her day to do this. I think it's good you thanked her profusely. Just apologize for making her feel that way and don't text her again for favors. Do you do this often or was this the first time?

Her terse note makes it seem like she’s really pissed off. Is she always kind of harsh?

It's a text. It's not terse - it's actually verging on verbose for a text.

Maybe you see nothing wrong with paying your friend $150 but a lot of people, including many posters on this thread, think it's insulting and not friend-like. Consider that other people may not see payment the same way. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be friends?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think we need to see the note you sent her asking for the favor.
Or did you call her?

I think her offense might have come from the way you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was worth $250 to overnight that you couldn't just buy new?

+1 that's the bigger question here. Fill us in OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

I think you are overreacting to this. It sounds like she's annoyed. Perhaps the favor was more burdensome than you realize (maybe it took a lot longer than you think to find the item and get it shipped, maybe she ran into irritating challenges at the shipping place, maybe she was having a stressful day of her own when you asked it of her), and it turns out that it was a really disruptive favor. It's okay for her to express her frustration with that, especially if she thinks you may not realize it was a big deal.

And she's setting a boundary for the future -- next time, don't call her for something like this. Now you know. Sure, it would have been better if she'd just told you at the time "this is too much for me, can you ask someone else?" But maybe she thought it wouldn't be that bad, or maybe she really wanted to come through for you in that moment and only realized once she was in the middle of it that it was more burdensome than she thought.

At the end of the day, you are the one who made a mistake and needed her help. She's a little put out, she's let you know she can't help you next time. Just thank her again and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

This is the full message she sent:

"Larla, I got the cash app. Thanks. I just want to say in the future, please don't regard me as your errand boy."

FWIW, I sent the cash app before she even went to the PO. I just wanted it to be done so she wouldn't be waiting around for her reimbursement. Also, no there was no implication that she had to do it. I even said in the message, "if you can't, no worries at all!" and meant it because I have a few local friends I could ask.

I think you are overreacting to this. It sounds like she's annoyed. Perhaps the favor was more burdensome than you realize (maybe it took a lot longer than you think to find the item and get it shipped, maybe she ran into irritating challenges at the shipping place, maybe she was having a stressful day of her own when you asked it of her), and it turns out that it was a really disruptive favor. It's okay for her to express her frustration with that, especially if she thinks you may not realize it was a big deal.

And she's setting a boundary for the future -- next time, don't call her for something like this. Now you know. Sure, it would have been better if she'd just told you at the time "this is too much for me, can you ask someone else?" But maybe she thought it wouldn't be that bad, or maybe she really wanted to come through for you in that moment and only realized once she was in the middle of it that it was more burdensome than she thought.

At the end of the day, you are the one who made a mistake and needed her help. She's a little put out, she's let you know she can't help you next time. Just thank her again and move on.

I know, right? She needs to pay the next friend more, the next time she asks for a favor. That's the secret to friendship. More money.

SMH