Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I did a decade of that for my grandfather. Every time he'd tell me he wouldn't see me and then I'd see him the next year. Every year until one day he was right. I'd love to see him again one more time, even if it meant my house went two weeks between cleanings.

Of course you miss him. We all wish for one more conversation or one more hug from a loved one we’ve lost. However, be honest: how meaningful was the third-from-the-last Father’s Day you spent with him? Every time you visit your 90-something grandparent you know time is limited, but that doesn’t make any one particular day that you spend with them the most meaningful day you’ve ever shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I did a decade of that for my grandfather. Every time he'd tell me he wouldn't see me and then I'd see him the next year. Every year until one day he was right. I'd love to see him again one more time, even if it meant my house went two weeks between cleanings.

Of course you miss him. We all wish for one more conversation or one more hug from a loved one we’ve lost. However, be honest: how meaningful was the third-from-the-last Father’s Day you spent with him? Every time you visit your 90-something grandparent you know time is limited, but that doesn’t make any one particular day that you spend with them the most meaningful day you’ve ever shared.

Is that the standard? "Do the weekly house cleaning unless it's going to the most meaningful day in the relationship?" OP has a situation where she gets her special day. grandma gets her special day, and the cost is the house isn't cleaned for a week. That's a very minor cost to bear.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had bookmarked the obnoxious thread from a couple weeks ago where a poster (who isn’t a mother) told everyone that there was plenty of time to communicate what you want for Mother’s Day and to use your words. She guaranteed that if moms let their families know what they wanted, they’d be less disappointed. I don’t remember which board it was on and I can’t find it now, but I knew that situations like this OP’s are the reality, even if the spouse wants to please you, even if you clearly communicate what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I did a decade of that for my grandfather. Every time he'd tell me he wouldn't see me and then I'd see him the next year. Every year until one day he was right. I'd love to see him again one more time, even if it meant my house went two weeks between cleanings.

Of course you miss him. We all wish for one more conversation or one more hug from a loved one we’ve lost. However, be honest: how meaningful was the third-from-the-last Father’s Day you spent with him? Every time you visit your 90-something grandparent you know time is limited, but that doesn’t make any one particular day that you spend with them the most meaningful day you’ve ever shared.

Is that the standard? "Do the weekly house cleaning unless it's going to the most meaningful day in the relationship?" OP has a situation where she gets her special day. grandma gets her special day, and the cost is the house isn't cleaned for a week. That's a very minor cost to bear.

Except it won’t be a minor cost to bear the next Saturday, when her dh goes fishing again because he missed it Mother’s Day weekend, and she’s got to clean a house that’s twice as dirty, by herself, for the fourth consecutive time.

OP your dh had better stick by his beloved grandmother’s side the entire time if he’s trying to soak up as much time with her as possible before she dies. No using grandma’s mortality as the reason why he has to be there, but then spending the afternoon drinking beer and chatting about sports with FIL while grandma is ignored.

[Anonymous]

Posts like these make me feel sorry for the poors. While some of us spend our Saturdays out shopping or at the country club, people like OP are at home scrubbing the toilet. Sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I did a decade of that for my grandfather. Every time he'd tell me he wouldn't see me and then I'd see him the next year. Every year until one day he was right. I'd love to see him again one more time, even if it meant my house went two weeks between cleanings.

Of course you miss him. We all wish for one more conversation or one more hug from a loved one we’ve lost. However, be honest: how meaningful was the third-from-the-last Father’s Day you spent with him? Every time you visit your 90-something grandparent you know time is limited, but that doesn’t make any one particular day that you spend with them the most meaningful day you’ve ever shared.

Is that the standard? "Do the weekly house cleaning unless it's going to the most meaningful day in the relationship?" OP has a situation where she gets her special day. grandma gets her special day, and the cost is the house isn't cleaned for a week. That's a very minor cost to bear.

Except it won’t be a minor cost to bear the next Saturday, when her dh goes fishing again because he missed it Mother’s Day weekend, and she’s got to clean a house that’s twice as dirty, by herself, for the fourth consecutive time.

OP your dh had better stick by his beloved grandmother’s side the entire time if he’s trying to soak up as much time with her as possible before she dies. No using grandma’s mortality as the reason why he has to be there, but then spending the afternoon drinking beer and chatting about sports with FIL while grandma is ignored.

Who gets to decide how clean the house should be before you get to have any fun?

[Anonymous]

Op is upset about the fishing weekend. But she's too much of a coward to address that.

So instead she's going to throw a socially acceptable tantrum about mother's day.

DH should arrange for cleaners to come in, do op can have the day free for whatever ever she wants or go join the family.

And then celebrate the actual holiday on mother's day.

[Anonymous]

schedule a mani/pedicure and/or massage, go see a movie, read a book, enjoy the peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Can we just cancel Mother’s Day? Every year, the same avalanche of whining.

Mothers used to feel satisfied with a plaster handprint from their child and some overcooked eggs as part of breakfast in bed.

Now nagging the DH into submission to clean the house to perfection while he ignores his own mother is part of the deal, apparently.

Just a symptom of the pervasive narcissism plaguing out society.

Apparently now it's a week long celebration that prevents moms from appreciating teachers and nurses as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Can we just cancel Mother’s Day? Every year, the same avalanche of whining.

Mothers used to feel satisfied with a plaster handprint from their child and some overcooked eggs as part of breakfast in bed.

Now nagging the DH into submission to clean the house to perfection while he ignores his own mother is part of the deal, apparently.

Yes, when mothers were home all day, cleaning everyday, they weren’t playing catch up on the weekends. Now mothers work long hours outside the home just like fathers do, but many of them are still shouldering a disproportionately large share of the household and childcare responsibilities. As motherhood has changed, so should Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

+1

Hire cleaners, or a one-time cleaning as your present to yourself.

Second, please consider that you are not DH's mother.

He is [rightfully] going to see HIS mom for mother's day, and grandmother. Someday you will be that cranky MIL hoping that your kids come and see you on mother's day. Your DH might relentlessly call them. When the shoe is on the other foot, you will appreciate it. And yes, in my household DH will go visit his mom and I'll drive an hour to visit my DS for brunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

[Anonymous]

My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

Anyone over 80 can die in a matter of days or weeks even when apparently healthy. A fall or a virus and boom they’re gone. It COULD be her last year and that will be true every year. Stop being heartless and selfish.

[Anonymous]

The problem here is that FIL and MIL are demanding jerks and DH gives in to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Can we just cancel Mother’s Day? Every year, the same avalanche of whining.

+100

Mother's that act like martyrs is too much!!!!