Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Forget about this one weekend. You get a cleaning service to come in every freaking time your dh spends a Saturday fishing instead of helping with the cleaning. That’s the cost of his hobby.

[Anonymous]

Instead of canceling mother's day, I would like it split. Saturday can be mothers of adult children and Sunday can be mothers of young children day.

And JFC you think older moms would be so darn thrilled to get some grandkids that they'd be willing to hand over the keys to mother's day! Don't they see how many older women never get grandchildren these days?!

[Anonymous]

Imagine skipping out on seeing a very elderly relative just so you can clean your house. Do you have OCD or other control issues, OP? Stop being such a bossy, rigid loser and enjoy life. DH has the right idea, he's just with the wrong woman.

[Anonymous]

Get a cleaning lady.
Your Dh should honor his mom on mother's day.

Pick another weekend to have him honor you in observance of mother's day.

In 50 years do you think you'll care if the house was clean? He might care about seeing his grandma though.

[Anonymous]

I can't fathom women who begrudge someone spending time with a 90 year old grandmother. "She's in good health" -- wtf? She's 90. She could drop dead tomorrow of a stroke. You don't always get warning.

I mean don't get me wrong - the cleaning stuff and the previous weekends of him fishing instead of cleaning? THAT is the problem. Not spending time with grandma. Focus on the problem, and it aint grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

This

She didn't mean just in her 90s to imply vitality but as she is healthy but they say it could be her last just because she's in her 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I've been there but there were health scares that meant she had "days left, not weeks" but it was a yearly thing! 10 years of rushing to get in that last precious time together and she just got crankier and meaner/ less filtered. I think she was just summoning everyone for her own personal festivus or maybe she didn't want all the visitors and her son was enjoying the guilt tripping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

So why is FIL making such a big deal of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom women who begrudge someone spending time with a 90 year old grandmother. "She's in good health" -- wtf? She's 90. She could drop dead tomorrow of a stroke. You don't always get warning.

I mean don't get me wrong - the cleaning stuff and the previous weekends of him fishing instead of cleaning? THAT is the problem. Not spending time with grandma. Focus on the problem, and it aint grandma.

Guilting people to get your way is not great.

[Anonymous]

To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't fathom women who begrudge someone spending time with a 90 year old grandmother. "She's in good health" -- wtf? She's 90. She could drop dead tomorrow of a stroke. You don't always get warning.

I mean don't get me wrong - the cleaning stuff and the previous weekends of him fishing instead of cleaning? THAT is the problem. Not spending time with grandma. Focus on the problem, and it aint grandma.

They could spend time with grandma next weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Just in her 90s” is one of the greatest DCUM lines ever.

LOL yes but I have to tell you, we have all been exhorted to go to my MIL's home country over the last 20 years because "great grandma is 80...90... 91...92... and may not have much time!

She's turning 102 this fall. For real. We can't use all our vacation and travel budget for GGma.

Also, got in trouble for not attending 100 during covid. Ay ay ay.

I did a decade of that for my grandfather. Every time he'd tell me he wouldn't see me and then I'd see him the next year. Every year until one day he was right. I'd love to see him again one more time, even if it meant my house went two weeks between cleanings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

I find it ridiculous when people say they want to be appreciated one day a year. Or loved one day a year (on Valentine's Day). If you're not in a relationship where you feel appreciated and loved every day, get out now.

I am spending this Mother's Day doing something with my own mom that I don't want to do. But my kids and husband and I spend a lot of time together regularly and they tell me they appreciate me all the time. I'd rather my husband let me sleep in the day after I have a huge work presentation or my kids bring me breakfast in bed when I don't feel well than force everyone to spend a very specific day making me feel appreciated.

Why can't he do this for you the next weekend, when he doesn't have his aging grandmother in town?

[Anonymous]

Upset over the POTENTIAL of things not going the way you asked?? Women are so freaking difficult! I always push my kids to call go visit grandparents and great-grandparents on these holidays. They ARE precious and limited. Your family lives with you. Yes, you should be honored and appreciated. If Sunday ends up not working out, make it a different day. Your husband is trying to do it all to please you. It's possible he won't succeed but he hasn't even failed yet! Sheesh...