Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

I my house, wiping surfaces is a daily thing, but all the other chores you said are prob 1X a month (and done by our cleaner). I don’t think our place looks dirty but maybe I’m wrong.

[Anonymous]

Confused about why these demands were made of your husband and not your child.

[Anonymous]

Op your cleaning needs seem obsessive especially given the toll it takes on the free time you and your husband have. I am surprised he goes along with your mandates schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused about why these demands were made of your husband and not your child.

OP here. My son is 4. He helps picks his toys up to clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confused about why these demands were made of your husband and not your child.

Not OP, but…

1. A 4 year old is pretty limited in what they can do for mom
2. There were no demands. OP’s dh asked what she’d like and she told him and he said okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op your cleaning needs seem obsessive especially given the toll it takes on the free time you and your husband have. I am surprised he goes along with your mandates schedule.

What? Vacuuming, dusting, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, and doing laundry once a week is normal. Sure, it can go two weeks, but any more than that and the house is dirty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, gosh this blew up. I know I am going to get slammed for adding this piece of context about why I'm particularly annoyed about the pushing of mothers day on DH.

Yes, DH left today to go spend the day with his family. It's fine, I didn't go as reccomended and am actually enjoying some quiet time at home.

The frustrating/annoying part about this is, DH's parents lives 2+ hours way in a cabin BUT his parents never sold their original family home in town, that they rent out to their other adult children.

They could have hosted a mothers day in town and limited everyone to 15-30 minutes drive time, but insisted on hosting at their cabin 2+ hours away. I didn't want my 4 y/o to have to spend Saturday 4 hours in the car, I didn't want to be responsible for cleaning the house on Saturday.

And I do appreciate the cleaner suggestion. We are relatively frugal and try to save money, so a cleaner would be nice but it's kind of out of our budget. I might look for one that's in our budget, last time we had a cleaner it was $400-500/month and I preferred to just save the money and do the cleaning myself. I am the kind of person that needs to have a clean home, if it gets messy and gross (and it does, with a 4 year old, messy husband, toys, sheets needing to be washed and laundry needing to be done ... etc)..

I asked DH why he thinks FIL is so insistent on hosting this weekend and he said:

It's because his Dad did renovations on his cabin and wants to show off his new garage. The most annoying part is grandma lives 20 MINUTES AWAY from our house! DH can visit her anytime he wants. FIL is asking the 90+ year old grandparents to sit in a car also for 4+ hours in one day. DH has *never* visited his grandmother for mothers day in his entire adult life, but spends ample time with her every once in a while going to lunch, church, etc.

Consider this Mother’s Day as FIL’s Father’s Day gift then. What a tool.

[Anonymous]

I don't know anyone who spends a weekend day every weekend clearning. There are so many other things that we prioritize for our limited free time - social, hobbies, exercise, experience, activiites, recreation, relaxation etc. All things that I prioritize as being worthy my time far more than cleaning. To spend 50% of our free time cleaning would be wasted life to me.

That doesn't mean we don't clean and do laundry and what not. We just certainly would never dedicate half of each weekend to it. It gets done in bits here and there in between activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I assume you are a younger mother with one child. Really, this is your bill to die on? Your DH deserves to be able to enjoy his weekends and go fishing just like you should be able to do whatever you want. Two hour cleaning of the house every week? That’s a problem, get a cleaning service.

I raised twins practically single handedly while being the main bread winner, chief cook and cleaner. I never demanded an entire weekend like you did for Mother’s Day. I took time for myself every week like normal people as did my DH. And his grandma is “only in her 90s”? OP you are an entitled princess.

Complete tangent but HOW? My little sister just found out she’s having twins and I think I need to like move in - it sounds so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I assume you are a younger mother with one child. Really, this is your bill to die on? Your DH deserves to be able to enjoy his weekends and go fishing just like you should be able to do whatever you want. Two hour cleaning of the house every week? That’s a problem, get a cleaning service.

I raised twins practically single handedly while being the main bread winner, chief cook and cleaner. I never demanded an entire weekend like you did for Mother’s Day. I took time for myself every week like normal people as did my DH. And his grandma is “only in her 90s”? OP you are an entitled princess.

Complete tangent but HOW? My little sister just found out she’s having twins and I think I need to like move in - it sounds so hard.

If this is you op, please leave your little sister alone she doesn't need your drama. She and her spouse will figure out a rhythm that works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, gosh this blew up. I know I am going to get slammed for adding this piece of context about why I'm particularly annoyed about the pushing of mothers day on DH.

Yes, DH left today to go spend the day with his family. It's fine, I didn't go as reccomended and am actually enjoying some quiet time at home.

The frustrating/annoying part about this is, DH's parents lives 2+ hours way in a cabin BUT his parents never sold their original family home in town, that they rent out to their other adult children.

They could have hosted a mothers day in town and limited everyone to 15-30 minutes drive time, but insisted on hosting at their cabin 2+ hours away. I didn't want my 4 y/o to have to spend Saturday 4 hours in the car, I didn't want to be responsible for cleaning the house on Saturday.

And I do appreciate the cleaner suggestion. We are relatively frugal and try to save money, so a cleaner would be nice but it's kind of out of our budget. I might look for one that's in our budget, last time we had a cleaner it was $400-500/month and I preferred to just save the money and do the cleaning myself. I am the kind of person that needs to have a clean home, if it gets messy and gross (and it does, with a 4 year old, messy husband, toys, sheets needing to be washed and laundry needing to be done ... etc)..

I asked DH why he thinks FIL is so insistent on hosting this weekend and he said:

It's because his Dad did renovations on his cabin and wants to show off his new garage. The most annoying part is grandma lives 20 MINUTES AWAY from our house! DH can visit her anytime he wants. FIL is asking the 90+ year old grandparents to sit in a car also for 4+ hours in one day. DH has *never* visited his grandmother for mothers day in his entire adult life, but spends ample time with her every once in a while going to lunch, church, etc.

You have control issues.
You probably don't think so, but you do.
Your husband will spend time with you tomorrow on Mother's day. Let the rest go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

+1 I don't understand families that don't support one another's in-laws.

That is because in-laws suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

Genuine question - how often does everyone clean their homes? I have always in my adult life since I got my first apartment in my early 20's cleaned my home every Saturday: sheets get washed, bathrooms and toilets, vacuuming and mopping, counters and surfaces get wiped down and dusted.

It just helps me reset and feel refreshed. I don't know, cleaning has never been a big chore for me BUT it has become harder with a husband, child, and cat in the house to clean/vacuum up after.

I have always stupidly assumed everyone cleans their house once a week. I am wrong.

You are definitely a hardcore cleaner but…if that’s what you guys are both good with, then that’s your call.

Your FIL sounds like an ass and your husband needs to grow a spine. I’m totally team you now that I know GMA lives 20 min from you!

[Anonymous]

I do individual cleaning tasks every day, so weekends can be free to enjoy OP. My house is never all clean all at once, but I rotate through the tasks so every two weeks things are done.

Cleaning every Saturday as a young adult was fine for me, but not something I want to do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

Because she asked for him to do all of the cleaning on Saturday so they could have family time on Sunday, but now he’s likely not going to do the cleaning on Saturday because of the visit, so it either won’t get done or dh will be doing it on Sunday instead of enjoying family time or OP has to do it. FIL couldn’t get dh to do his bidding until he used 90+ granny as a pawn because every holiday, no matter how minor, could be her last one.

It’s a valid reason for OP’s husband to visit.

That’s why FIL set it up yesterday. Nothing else was working so he needed more leverage.

I bet Grandma doesn't even show up! J/K dh is wrong but it's doubtful fil is that manipulative.

No evidence FIL set it up and there is nothing wrong with DH spending the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend with his mom and grandma. It doesn’t interfere with OP’s holiday on SUNDAY.

How did you conclude that? FIL’s first 3 invitations were declined. Then, suddenly, he sweetens the pot by saying that grandma is traveling a couple hours to be part of celebration — potentially her last. Do you think a nonagenarian made last minute plans to travel several hours? What are the odds she’s driving herself?

You made this up. The visit could easily have been initiated by grandma. Either way, it’s a valid reason for her husband to want to be there.