Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

It isn’t grandparent’s day and no one is claiming that. OP’s husband is with his mom, who is with her mom. OP’s husband is kindly taking his kid with him so OP can enjoy her Saturday. Win win all around.

MIL absolutely is claiming that it’s her day. Her adult son must drive down this weekend with grandson to celebrate her! If she wasn’t claiming Mothers Day as a celebration of her then her son could have visited her last weekend instead of fishing or next weekend. She wouldn’t have had his father badgering him into making the trip if she didn’t have to have Mothers Day weekend too.

MIL isn’t claiming granny day which is what PP said. MIL is asking to spend time with her son on Mother’s Day weekend, not Mother’s Day, which of course makes sense since she is his MOM. MIL is not interfering with the celebration on Mother’s Day itself which is why this is a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were supposed to watch my favorite show on TV last night for Mother’s Week, but he blew me off after putting the kids to bed, to meet up with an old friend in town for business. I am giving him the silent treatment.

Wow, that’s pretty juvenile of you.

[Anonymous]

My husband is more of a cleaner / organizer than I am but I can't imagine him telling me that I need to be at home cleaning every Saturday nor telling me I can't see my parents on Father's Day or Mother's Day weekend.

I could never live with that degree of control.

He does clean more than I do because his standards and expectations and how he likes the house he lives in far exceed mine. I do what I consider to be a reasonable amount of cleaning and anything above and beyond that is on him. If he wants to spend every Saturday doing a deep clean he can, but not a chance I am giving up 50% of every weekend to do it with him. I would probably take up fishing too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is more of a cleaner / organizer than I am but I can't imagine him telling me that I need to be at home cleaning every Saturday nor telling me I can't see my parents on Father's Day or Mother's Day weekend.

I could never live with that degree of control.

He does clean more than I do because his standards and expectations and how he likes the house he lives in far exceed mine. I do what I consider to be a reasonable amount of cleaning and anything above and beyond that is on him. If he wants to spend every Saturday doing a deep clean he can, but not a chance I am giving up 50% of every weekend to do it with him. I would probably take up fishing too!

Wow, I feel sorry for your husband.

[Anonymous]

Wish I could go see my mother today

Died 2017

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is more of a cleaner / organizer than I am but I can't imagine him telling me that I need to be at home cleaning every Saturday nor telling me I can't see my parents on Father's Day or Mother's Day weekend.

I could never live with that degree of control.

He does clean more than I do because his standards and expectations and how he likes the house he lives in far exceed mine. I do what I consider to be a reasonable amount of cleaning and anything above and beyond that is on him. If he wants to spend every Saturday doing a deep clean he can, but not a chance I am giving up 50% of every weekend to do it with him. I would probably take up fishing too!

Wow, I feel sorry for your husband.

He doesn't need your sympathy or pity. He is quite fine!

[Anonymous]

sounds like Princess Syndrome

A lot of women think Mother's Day should be like those fake commercials then when the fakery doesn't appear they pitch a fit. Like the pussy hat march. All bark no bite. Unrealistic demands fail. All. the. time.
Make the day you want because no one else will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

+1000 but I guess this seems to be the boomer MO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wish I could go see my mother today

Died 2017

You should start a new thread to get support for your grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were supposed to watch my favorite show on TV last night for Mother’s Week, but he blew me off after putting the kids to bed, to meet up with an old friend in town for business. I am giving him the silent treatment.

Wow, that’s pretty juvenile of you.

Allow me to decode that post for you. The poster was making fun of OP for thinking that she could ask for a Mother’s Day gift that wasn’t confined to the actual day off. This wasn’t something that really happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

Guessing you are a boomer who thinks cleaning is womens work. The OP has spent the past Saturdays doing all the cleaning herself so DH can go fishing. Her ask was for him to do it this one weekend on Sat so they could all have a nice Mother’s Day together.

But hey it’s time for THE GRANNY SHOW. Holy cow, there can’t be a weekend where her son and grandson spend time appreciating the DIL. Good grief what about GRANNy? She’s the center of the universe! Cut to scene with granny getting grampy to fix this debacle! Grampy isn’t being successful bullying his son into understanding that granny comes first damn it. Granny decides to call in the big guns and force her mom great granny to schlep down. This works! Yeah, DIL has been shown that she is always second to GRANNY. Happy GRANNY.

I'm a Gen X woman, actually. And in the beginning of COVID when our cleaners didn't come it was my husband who did most of the cleaning (almost of the childcare/homeschooling) because my job was busier. But ok.

I think OP is ridiculous and her obsession with doing a deep clean on her house every weekend is silly. She sounds like someone who is unhappy no matter what.

Working all week and all day Saturday spent on deep clean - this seems like a deeply depressing way to live.

This is how many, many people live. Saturday is filled with all the cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and meal planning and yard work that they didn’t have time for on weekdays and Sunday is the only day they can relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

Because she asked for him to do all of the cleaning on Saturday so they could have family time on Sunday, but now he’s likely not going to do the cleaning on Saturday because of the visit, so it either won’t get done or dh will be doing it on Sunday instead of enjoying family time or OP has to do it. FIL couldn’t get dh to do his bidding until he used 90+ granny as a pawn because every holiday, no matter how minor, could be her last one.

It’s a valid reason for OP’s husband to visit.

That’s why FIL set it up yesterday. Nothing else was working so he needed more leverage.

I bet Grandma doesn't even show up! J/K dh is wrong but it's doubtful fil is that manipulative.

No evidence FIL set it up and there is nothing wrong with DH spending the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend with his mom and grandma. It doesn’t interfere with OP’s holiday on SUNDAY.

How did you conclude that? FIL’s first 3 invitations were declined. Then, suddenly, he sweetens the pot by saying that grandma is traveling a couple hours to be part of celebration — potentially her last. Do you think a nonagenarian made last minute plans to travel several hours? What are the odds she’s driving herself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

+1000 but I guess this seems to be the boomer MO

My boomer mom definitely doesn't expect this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ok, gosh this blew up. I know I am going to get slammed for adding this piece of context about why I'm particularly annoyed about the pushing of mothers day on DH.

Yes, DH left today to go spend the day with his family. It's fine, I didn't go as reccomended and am actually enjoying some quiet time at home.

The frustrating/annoying part about this is, DH's parents lives 2+ hours way in a cabin BUT his parents never sold their original family home in town, that they rent out to their other adult children.

They could have hosted a mothers day in town and limited everyone to 15-30 minutes drive time, but insisted on hosting at their cabin 2+ hours away. I didn't want my 4 y/o to have to spend Saturday 4 hours in the car, I didn't want to be responsible for cleaning the house on Saturday.

And I do appreciate the cleaner suggestion. We are relatively frugal and try to save money, so a cleaner would be nice but it's kind of out of our budget. I might look for one that's in our budget, last time we had a cleaner it was $400-500/month and I preferred to just save the money and do the cleaning myself. I am the kind of person that needs to have a clean home, if it gets messy and gross (and it does, with a 4 year old, messy husband, toys, sheets needing to be washed and laundry needing to be done ... etc)..

I asked DH why he thinks FIL is so insistent on hosting this weekend and he said:

It's because his Dad did renovations on his cabin and wants to show off his new garage. The most annoying part is grandma lives 20 MINUTES AWAY from our house! DH can visit her anytime he wants. FIL is asking the 90+ year old grandparents to sit in a car also for 4+ hours in one day. DH has *never* visited his grandmother for mothers day in his entire adult life, but spends ample time with her every once in a while going to lunch, church, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

Genuine question - how often does everyone clean their homes? I have always in my adult life since I got my first apartment in my early 20's cleaned my home every Saturday: sheets get washed, bathrooms and toilets, vacuuming and mopping, counters and surfaces get wiped down and dusted.

It just helps me reset and feel refreshed. I don't know, cleaning has never been a big chore for me BUT it has become harder with a husband, child, and cat in the house to clean/vacuum up after.

I have always stupidly assumed everyone cleans their house once a week. I am wrong.