Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

We have busy workweek schedules and always designate Saturday to be the "cleaning day", where for the past 3 weeks I have been doing it because my husband has gone out doing things he likes to do: fishing. Well, cleaning day is coming up. My FIL called my husband no short of 4x asking him to come visit him 2+ hours away for mothers day. My husband said no, FIL changed the date to Saturday. My husband said no, again, because he needed to be home to run errands and clean, pick up groceries, etc on Saturday. My FIL called my husband again TODAY and said that now my husbands grandmother will be travelling 2+ hours on Mothers Day and that it "might be her last mothers day" and asked my husband again, to go. My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

So now, my husband gets off work at 6PM tomorrow. Cleaning the house is a big project that usually takes two people. He told me he's going to do it when he gets off work, but chances are he will just say he will do it Sunday morning or something right when I'd like to be getting ready to go out for breakfast. He is planning on being gone all day Saturday with our son, travelling to FIL, leaving at 8AM and coming back at 6PM. So I'll be alone, not spending time with my own family. My husband said I'll "get a day to myself", but that's not what I asked for. I didn't ask to be alone. I asked to just be free of household responsibilities and spend time with my family.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a come to Jesus with your husband. He is showing you where his priority lays, and this is not a good move for the future and stability of his marriage. If he is going to continue on like that, you will readjust.

Please leave the whole mess for DH to clean. Order in, watch Netflix, take a bath, whatever. And on Father's Day, do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Sounds heavenly.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do the cleaning, and spend the day watching Netflix and eating your favorite takeout, or whatever floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

You are in control of how you feel, because it’s your thoughts that create your feelings. Your current narrative is that you don’t feel appreciated because you’re going to be alone. How can you change that narrative to result in a different feeling? For example, I know DH appreciates me because he’s trying his best to make it back by Sunday. I know DH appreciates how hard child care is, because he’s taking it on for Saturday.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a cleaning service to come on Saturday as a present to yourself?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for mothers day. I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

We have busy workweek schedules and always designate Saturday to be the "cleaning day", where for the past 3 weeks I have been doing it because my husband has gone out doing things he likes to do: fishing. Well, cleaning day is coming up. My FIL called my husband no short of 4x asking him to come visit him 2+ hours away for mothers day. My husband said no, FIL changed the date to Saturday. My husband said no, again, because he needed to be home to run errands and clean, pick up groceries, etc on Saturday. My FIL called my husband again TODAY and said that now my husbands grandmother will be travelling 2+ hours on Mothers Day and that it "might be her last mothers day" and asked my husband again, to go. My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

So now, my husband gets off work at 6PM tomorrow. Cleaning the house is a big project that usually takes two people. He told me he's going to do it when he gets off work, but chances are he will just say he will do it Sunday morning or something right when I'd like to be getting ready to go out for breakfast. He is planning on being gone all day Saturday with our son, travelling to FIL, leaving at 8AM and coming back at 6PM. So I'll be alone, not spending time with my own family. My husband said I'll "get a day to myself", but that's not what I asked for. I didn't ask to be alone. I asked to just be free of household responsibilities and spend time with my family.

Accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A. Please leave the whole mess for DH to clean. Order in, watch Netflix, take a bath, whatever.

B. And on Father's Day, do nothing.

A. Yes. Enjoy mother's weekend, pamper yourself.

B. No. You want to set a better example.

[Anonymous]

Good lord, you want your husband to spend all day Saturday doing cleaning that usually takes two people (with your son in toe), and then spend all day Sunday spending time together? You sound very demanding. Let him spend Saturday with his mom and grandma! You still get to have quiet time with your family on actual Mother’s Day! Just skip the cleaning, do extra next year.

All I ask for every year is to have the kids out of my house so I can sleep in and relax and read or watch Tv. Your weekend sounds perfect to me!

[Anonymous]

How on earth is cleaning a “big project” every Saturday of your life? Let the toilets go for two weeks for Pete’s sake.

Now, your husband is a jerk for going fishing three saturdays in a row and then not giving you what you want for Mother’s Day. I would 100% be having this conversation. But you cannot martyr yourself on the cross of needing this “big cleaning” every weekend as you have this discussion.

[Anonymous]

I think we have a good idea why the DH likes to "go fishing" every weekend.

[Anonymous]

I think it is totally reasonable for him to visit his mom Saturday particularly if he is taking your child with for the day. Saturday isn’t Mother’s Day…you don’t get the entire weekend. LOL. The cleaning really can’t wait until next week? And you seriously clean all day on Saturdays?! That is crazy. On Saturday, I’d do a few necessary tasks for the week and then take the day to yourself.

On Sunday, tell DH exactly what you would like, and spend the day your way.

The bigger issue here is that your DH has made plans the last three weekends, leaving the cleaning all on you, which was not your agreement and is NOT fair and you are right to be resentful about it. Focus on that problem (which is totally legit) and don’t drag Mothers Day into it. Ideally DH should handle the “Saturday cleaning” a few times to make it up to you. After that, work out a reasonable schedule.

Honestly it sounds like you guys spend way too much time cleaning if it is just the two of you and one child. You really shouldn’t have to set aside entire Saturdays to clean, in the first place.

[Anonymous]

You want too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL called my husband again TODAY and said that now my husbands grandmother will be travelling 2+ hours on Mothers Day and that it "might be her last mothers day" and asked my husband again, to go. My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

Grandma is in her 90s. Statistically, there's a decent chance it may indeed be her last Mother's Day.

Your DH isn't going off to play golf, he's going to visit his family. You complain too much.