Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a martyr-mom who talks about how for Mother’s Day she only asked for 3 kid-free hours but didn’t get it. So even if this particular post is fake, there are actually people like the OP. They won’t hire cleaners or babysitters because of control issues.

Such misogyny. Moms who don't get time to themselves or have a spouse who flakes on their responsibilities have a valid complaint. Many women deal with issue and we all know it. Some people don't have babysitters and can't afford cleaners. This is so hateful to women who don't have all the supports some of you have.

The term martyr-mom is hateful and shows your bias.

Um, do you know the woman I am referring to, psychic internet stranger? Because I do. And they can afford cleaners and babysitters. But control issues and a martyr complex (she is a SAHM)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

Guessing you are a boomer who thinks cleaning is womens work. The OP has spent the past Saturdays doing all the cleaning herself so DH can go fishing. Her ask was for him to do it this one weekend on Sat so they could all have a nice Mother’s Day together.

But hey it’s time for THE GRANNY SHOW. Holy cow, there can’t be a weekend where her son and grandson spend time appreciating the DIL. Good grief what about GRANNy? She’s the center of the universe! Cut to scene with granny getting grampy to fix this debacle! Grampy isn’t being successful bullying his son into understanding that granny comes first damn it. Granny decides to call in the big guns and force her mom great granny to schlep down. This works! Yeah, DIL has been shown that she is always second to GRANNY. Happy GRANNY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

Guessing you are a boomer who thinks cleaning is womens work. The OP has spent the past Saturdays doing all the cleaning herself so DH can go fishing. Her ask was for him to do it this one weekend on Sat so they could all have a nice Mother’s Day together.

But hey it’s time for THE GRANNY SHOW. Holy cow, there can’t be a weekend where her son and grandson spend time appreciating the DIL. Good grief what about GRANNy? She’s the center of the universe! Cut to scene with granny getting grampy to fix this debacle! Grampy isn’t being successful bullying his son into understanding that granny comes first damn it. Granny decides to call in the big guns and force her mom great granny to schlep down. This works! Yeah, DIL has been shown that she is always second to GRANNY. Happy GRANNY.

I'm a Gen X woman, actually. And in the beginning of COVID when our cleaners didn't come it was my husband who did most of the cleaning (almost of the childcare/homeschooling) because my job was busier. But ok.

I think OP is ridiculous and her obsession with doing a deep clean on her house every weekend is silly. She sounds like someone who is unhappy no matter what.

[Anonymous]

What an annoying post! Your lives revolve around cleaning.

Hire someone and you go do something fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My husbands grandmother is not dying, by the way. She is in good health, just in her 90's and every holiday my inlaws insist on spending it with them because it might be "grandmas last year ..."

Anyone over 80 can die in a matter of days or weeks even when apparently healthy. A fall or a virus and boom they’re gone. It COULD be her last year and that will be true every year. Stop being heartless and selfish.

You’re just being dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

+1

Hire cleaners, or a one-time cleaning as your present to yourself.

Second, please consider that you are not DH's mother.

He is [rightfully] going to see HIS mom for mother's day, and grandmother. Someday you will be that cranky MIL hoping that your kids come and see you on mother's day. Your DH might relentlessly call them. When the shoe is on the other foot, you will appreciate it. And yes, in my household DH will go visit his mom and I'll drive an hour to visit my DS for brunch.

You seem to have severe reading comprehension problems. DH is only going to see his mother after his father staged a hissy fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

+1

Hire cleaners, or a one-time cleaning as your present to yourself.

Second, please consider that you are not DH's mother.

He is [rightfully] going to see HIS mom for mother's day, and grandmother. Someday you will be that cranky MIL hoping that your kids come and see you on mother's day. Your DH might relentlessly call them. When the shoe is on the other foot, you will appreciate it. And yes, in my household DH will go visit his mom and I'll drive an hour to visit my DS for brunch.

You seem to have severe reading comprehension problems. DH is only going to see his mother after his father staged a hissy fit.

DP. Actually he's going to see his parents after grandma decided to come for the day. FIL asked several times and DH said no until it turned out that his grandmother will be there.

I do wonder if the special princesses of DCUM that throw tantrums when they don't get fêted properly on their big day realize that someday they might be grandmothers who want to see their grandkids? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

You can have that on Sunday. Fellow mom here - you don’t get to claim the entire weekend. You get Sunday. Family goes out to breakfast and then you go do something you enjoy while they clean the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an annoying post! Your lives revolve around cleaning.

Hire someone and you go do something fun

I’m not team OP but i also think people saying just hire it done aren’t being fair. We have cleaners. I usually spend a couple of hours picking up before they arrive. They don’t do the best job. Maybe the dh could do all the arranging and preparing for cleaners.

[Anonymous]

It’s annoying and you’re allowed to feel annoyed. What I would do is do the bare minimum of cleaning this weekend so you can relax the rest of the time, and hire cleaners to come next weekend as a one time thing. They’ll hopefully do a really thorough job and then you can get back on “schedule” after that.

While your husband and kid are out, is there anything you’ve been wanting to do that they might not be super interested in? A movie you wanted to see, or a long walk they might not want to take? What about takeout from a restaurant you like but they really don’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

Because she asked for him to do all of the cleaning on Saturday so they could have family time on Sunday, but now he’s likely not going to do the cleaning on Saturday because of the visit, so it either won’t get done or dh will be doing it on Sunday instead of enjoying family time or OP has to do it. FIL couldn’t get dh to do his bidding until he used 90+ granny as a pawn because every holiday, no matter how minor, could be her last one.

[Anonymous]

I just want to be left alone by myself on mothers day. I'm taking a weekend trip out of town by myself. I CAN NOT WAIT!

[Anonymous]

I just wanna know what cleaning OP does that requires two people and an entire Saturday (every Saturday!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Can we just cancel Mother’s Day? Every year, the same avalanche of whining.

Mothers used to feel satisfied with a plaster handprint from their child and some overcooked eggs as part of breakfast in bed.

Now nagging the DH into submission to clean the house to perfection while he ignores his own mother is part of the deal, apparently.

His mother clearly has a husband who is able to do her bidding. He can celebrate her

Mother’s Day is for children to appreciate their mothers. I have adult children. They can take my DW to breakfast or whatever. Why is it DH’s job?