Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

It's more than ironic that you say to "gd growup" and ppl are being dramatic idiots for simply wanting courtesy. That's it. You can't make it? Let me know. Everyone has "stuff" going on in their lives - that's called...life. You don't get to be a horrible friend, not even sending a text that takes 2 seconds and then act like everyone should be so compassionate and think of all the terrible things that you could have been going through - that you didn't mention and then you ghosted. People are getting way to comfortable being rude and obnoxious all in the guise of "turning inward" and "focusing on self". It doesn't give you a pass to be a jerk.

"Horrible friend" - give me a freaking break. If we're close enough that I owe you a deep dive into my personal traumas at the moment, then we're close enough you can call and find out why I am not responding. If we're not that close, just freaking understand that sometimes people shut down when they are dealing with more than they really feel capable of handling at the moment. Those aren't great friends - those are close acquaintances, and they don't owe you anything. But you can sure show yourself to be self-absorbed by elevating them not responding to two lunch invites into some kind of GoT-level rift that demands penance and revenge.

People go through stuff. Or sometimes they just flake and feel badly about flaking! Unless you are relying on this person to drive you to the hospital to evade the mob, or they are your best friend and text you telling you they're not interested anymore, just show some gd grace.

No, don't immediately suggest getting together when you see them. Let them take the lead. Or just let it drop. But do not make a scene. You're not in junior high school. Making a scene will be worse for you than for them, I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And for everyone who ghosts/cancels/doesn't show/doesn't text - why don't you all grow up and think beyond yourself. You act like you're a main character in a movie and everyone else is a stage hand.

EVERYONE HAS TOUGH TIMES IN LIFE.

EVERYONE IS A MAIN CHARACTER IN THEIR OWN STORY. YOU ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT NOR ARE YOUR PROBLEMS UNIQUE.

Stop being friends and family - show up when you say you will or don't accept the invite. If you can't show up due to a last minute thing - GROW UP AND USE YOUR WORDS.

And before people start pulling out the extreme stories of how your family member committed suicide or you got diagnosed with Stage VI cancer - this is obviously for the 98% of you that just flake and then complain how small your lives are and have no friends.

Those aren't the people complaining about not having friends. It's the people who think that two missed lunch dates means NOW WE ARE ENEMIES who can't seem to roll with things.

[Anonymous]

Eh you are investing too much into this. I guarantee she hasn't thought about this as much as you have.

Just say "hi how are things?" and move along. Or wave across the room with a little smile. Or whatever. You don't need to discuss it, but also don't attempt to make plans. If she does say something about plans, just say "oh I'm not sure, I'll have to check our calendar" and then don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

Meh, we all have sh-- going on. Big, little, comes and goes . . . It takes 2 seconds to send a text, whether that's in the moment of plans being scheduled or some time afterwards ("sorry I bailed a few weeks ago. I had a lot of stuff going on. Sorry, Hope to see you soon.") It is the very rare instance you cannot do that.

I can't stand it when people use "busy" or "life happens" as an excuse to be rude. Oh really? YOU'RE BUSY? Whew. You must be the only one.
Everyone's busy. Everyone.

Be rude or don't be rude. Just don't expect to keep doing that, and then ghost me, and expect we're going to be fine. We're not. And it's fine if you don't care. Either way, it's a win for me since you showed me who you are and how much you value me as a friend. As they say, when people show you who they are, believe them. And I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

Meh, we all have sh-- going on. Big, little, comes and goes . . . It takes 2 seconds to send a text, whether that's in the moment of plans being scheduled or some time afterwards ("sorry I bailed a few weeks ago. I had a lot of stuff going on. Sorry, Hope to see you soon.") It is the very rare instance you cannot do that.

I can't stand it when people use "busy" or "life happens" as an excuse to be rude. Oh really? YOU'RE BUSY? Whew. You must be the only one.
Everyone's busy. Everyone.

Be rude or don't be rude. Just don't expect to keep doing that, and then ghost me, and expect we're going to be fine. We're not. And it's fine if you don't care. Either way, it's a win for me since you showed me who you are and how much you value me as a friend. As they say, when people show you who they are, believe them. And I do.

Seriously, grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP, give us an update! Did you stalk with this person at all?

Hope the concert was as painless as band concerts can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh you are investing too much into this. I guarantee she hasn't thought about this as much as you have.

Just say "hi how are things?" and move along. Or wave across the room with a little smile. Or whatever. You don't need to discuss it, but also don't attempt to make plans. If she does say something about plans, just say "oh I'm not sure, I'll have to check our calendar" and then don't.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh you are investing too much into this. I guarantee she hasn't thought about this as much as you have.

Just say "hi how are things?" and move along. Or wave across the room with a little smile. Or whatever. You don't need to discuss it, but also don't attempt to make plans. If she does say something about plans, just say "oh I'm not sure, I'll have to check our calendar" and then don't.

+1

Or do! Do you really need to hold a grudge forever? If they want to get together, and you have room in your life for that, then why not give it one more chance?

Or hold a grudge forever and be lonely but RIGHT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh you are investing too much into this. I guarantee she hasn't thought about this as much as you have.

Just say "hi how are things?" and move along. Or wave across the room with a little smile. Or whatever. You don't need to discuss it, but also don't attempt to make plans. If she does say something about plans, just say "oh I'm not sure, I'll have to check our calendar" and then don't.

+1

Or do! Do you really need to hold a grudge forever? If they want to get together, and you have room in your life for that, then why not give it one more chance?

Or hold a grudge forever and be lonely but RIGHT.

Naaah. Don’t be a pushover and let this mean girl and her clique run over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being a little petty and childish. I doubt there was any ill-intention on her part, sometimes people just get very busy with their lives and need to prioritize. In times like this unless you're a very good friend who has been with her through thick and thin, you don't get top billing on her to do list. It is what it is.

This. It's the reason I finally ghosted a friend a decided to never follow back up. I went MIA after a busy summer and fall and then reached out to wish her a happy birthday and to apologize for being MIA. Instead of her just being nice about it and saying so glad to hear from you let's get together, she started off with-wow, surprised to hear from you after you disappeared as if somehow communicating is my responsibility. I didn't follow up after that because that is just petty and childish.

So you are upset that she called you out for your poor behavior? Everyone has issues. A text response to someone takes 3 seconds. You are at fault here, not her. I applaud her for being direct - people shouldn’t have to be afraid of calling others out for behaving badly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being a little petty and childish. I doubt there was any ill-intention on her part, sometimes people just get very busy with their lives and need to prioritize. In times like this unless you're a very good friend who has been with her through thick and thin, you don't get top billing on her to do list. It is what it is.

This. It's the reason I finally ghosted a friend a decided to never follow back up. I went MIA after a busy summer and fall and then reached out to wish her a happy birthday and to apologize for being MIA. Instead of her just being nice about it and saying so glad to hear from you let's get together, she started off with-wow, surprised to hear from you after you disappeared as if somehow communicating is my responsibility. I didn't follow up after that because that is just petty and childish.

So you are upset that she called you out for your poor behavior? Everyone has issues. A text response to someone takes 3 seconds. You are at fault here, not her. I applaud her for being direct - people shouldn’t have to be afraid of calling others out for behaving badly

How is this bad behavior? We're not allowed to be MIA for a bit? In all fairness, she didn't send a text during that time either, so why does one person have to be responsible for communication and then get blamed for lack thereof? Unreal some of the people on here. I would never treat a friend like that. I have friends who go dark and then I'll hear from them a few months down the road and I treat them like nothing has happened. People can go dark if they want to and communication is a two way street btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh you are investing too much into this. I guarantee she hasn't thought about this as much as you have.

Just say "hi how are things?" and move along. Or wave across the room with a little smile. Or whatever. You don't need to discuss it, but also don't attempt to make plans. If she does say something about plans, just say "oh I'm not sure, I'll have to check our calendar" and then don't.

+1

Or do! Do you really need to hold a grudge forever? If they want to get together, and you have room in your life for that, then why not give it one more chance?

Or hold a grudge forever and be lonely but RIGHT.

Naaah. Don’t be a pushover and let this mean girl and her clique run over you.

For gd's sake, for normal people, this is not an issue of mean girls and power dynamics. Or of it is, you're really living in a miserable circle of hell.

[Anonymous]

I'd be honest - hey, so weird how you never reached back out. Then kind of look at her pityingly, say something like..."really hope all is ok" and go off to talk to different friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

Meh, we all have sh-- going on. Big, little, comes and goes . . . It takes 2 seconds to send a text, whether that's in the moment of plans being scheduled or some time afterwards ("sorry I bailed a few weeks ago. I had a lot of stuff going on. Sorry, Hope to see you soon.") It is the very rare instance you cannot do that.

I can't stand it when people use "busy" or "life happens" as an excuse to be rude. Oh really? YOU'RE BUSY? Whew. You must be the only one.
Everyone's busy. Everyone.

Be rude or don't be rude. Just don't expect to keep doing that, and then ghost me, and expect we're going to be fine. We're not. And it's fine if you don't care. Either way, it's a win for me since you showed me who you are and how much you value me as a friend. As they say, when people show you who they are, believe them. And I do.

Seriously, grow up.

You first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being a little petty and childish. I doubt there was any ill-intention on her part, sometimes people just get very busy with their lives and need to prioritize. In times like this unless you're a very good friend who has been with her through thick and thin, you don't get top billing on her to do list. It is what it is.

This. It's the reason I finally ghosted a friend a decided to never follow back up. I went MIA after a busy summer and fall and then reached out to wish her a happy birthday and to apologize for being MIA. Instead of her just being nice about it and saying so glad to hear from you let's get together, she started off with-wow, surprised to hear from you after you disappeared as if somehow communicating is my responsibility. I didn't follow up after that because that is just petty and childish.

So you are upset that she called you out for your poor behavior? Everyone has issues. A text response to someone takes 3 seconds. You are at fault here, not her. I applaud her for being direct - people shouldn’t have to be afraid of calling others out for behaving badly

Exactly. You act like a jerk and then are pissed you're called out for it. LOL.