Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?
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Anonymous
| I had a mom friend who sort of ghosted me after bailing on plans and telling me she’d call me to reschedule; she never did and this was last summer. I’m going to see her tonight at our kids’ band concert and I have no idea how to act! My go-to would be to do the empty “let’s make plans! let’s not allow so much time to pass between our visits” spiel, but that feels wrong and I don’t want her to think I’m still desperate to hang out, as I’ve moved on. What’s the best way to approach this? |
Anonymous
| I would not do the empty "let's make plans" thing. Just be friendly and cordial and try to keep the interaction as quick as possible! |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
As I said in the OP, I do NOT plan on using that spiel, but I have no clue what to say. Everything feels awkward. I admit I’m still a little hurt so that’s clouding my logic and reason. |
Anonymous
|
Be friendly, don't mention the ghosting, definitely don't suggest getting together. Just say "great to see you" and then make a banal comment about the kids (can't believe how fast they're growing up, they're all so talented, blah blah blah) and move on.
If she ghosted and then you didn't see each other for almost a year, you guys are not actually friends and you should just treat her like a vague acquaintance. Anything else will make it clear to her that you are still sad/upset about her ghosting. Which is a fine way to feel (I probably would too) but trust me that you will not feel better if you let her know. You will feel worse. |
Anonymous
|
Don’t say things like:
It’s been forever since I’ve seen you Look how big everyone has gotten What have you been up to Etc Keep it as casual as you would with the cashier at the grocery store. |
Anonymous
| You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace. |
Anonymous
Just say 'how have you been?". And go from there. |
Anonymous
| Just smile and say hi, then leave it. If there are enough other people you can focus your attention on them. Please be aware that she may well do her best to ignore you anyway, so be prepared to be dignified and not shocked by that. BTDT |
Anonymous
Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up. |
Anonymous
| Oh, hi! What have you been up to? Are you guys doing anything for spring break? Good to see you-I need to run and [get some water, find my kid, catch Larla before she leaves, etc.]. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't go with the suggestions that allow the ghoster to hide behind niceties. I would scowl at her until she feels obligated to speak to me then keep the gaze until she opens up about what's going on. |
Anonymous
| Just give a quick nod, say hello, and keep moving. |
Anonymous
| Just smile and ask how she is, as you would do for a friendly acquaintance. It's likely she had stuff going on, completely unrelated to you. |
Anonymous
| OP you're being a little petty and childish. I doubt there was any ill-intention on her part, sometimes people just get very busy with their lives and need to prioritize. In times like this unless you're a very good friend who has been with her through thick and thin, you don't get top billing on her to do list. It is what it is. |