Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?

[Anonymous]

If I thought she was a nice person who likely just had a lot going on in her life, I'd say "It's good to see you! How have you been? What are your spring break plans?" Or other such stuff.

If I thought she was a mean mom/cliquish mom type who just decided you weren't cool enough for her or something, I'd say "Hi, Susie! Nice to see you!" and keep walking/turn to talk to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace.

Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up.

She might not like you. That's ok! Just say good to see you and move on.

[Anonymous]

Give a polite smile and wave/say hello quickly and keep moving. You don’t need to stop and chat or even ask how she is. Treat her like any distant, amicable acquaintance.

[Anonymous]

I would just be cordial and say "nice to see you, how have you been?" I would not suggest making further plans. If she has interest in that, she can initiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not do the empty "let's make plans" thing. Just be friendly and cordial and try to keep the interaction as quick as possible!

+1

As I said in the OP, I do NOT plan on using that spiel, but I have no clue what to say. Everything feels awkward. I admit I’m still a little hurt so that’s clouding my logic and reason.

"Hi"?? Why are you over thinking this?

[Anonymous]

I think you'll be able to tell a lot by how/if she approaches you. She may just be better face to face and bad at following up. If she's all, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I dropped the ball on getting together, life was crazy, how are you!" then I'd just take it from there. If she wants to make plans, I'd say, "Yeah, I'll let you call me, haha."

Or if she just ignores you or is stand-offish, then just say hi and move on. We only have so many slots for good friends in our lives, and if she's showing you that she won't be a good one to you, better to know now and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

That's cool if you're a messy person. If I had no interest in seeing her again I'd just say 'no, thanks that won't work for me' in my regular speaking voice.

heh you don't think that's messy, too?

just be normal. why is it so hard to be normal? you can say yes if you want to pick up the friendship again - or just be busy if you don't. you don't have to burn it to the ground so it will always be awkward whenever you see each other for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

You will embarrass yourself if you do that. Also do you really want to be in a situation where mutual friends can't have you both over for the same party because you acted like such a tw*t last time you were in the same room?

Meh. Sounds like this lady probably does this to others so it’s good of OP to warn others, make them aware. Not messy at all

[Anonymous]

"Hi, good to see you, Julie" and then keep it moving or turn away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

You will embarrass yourself if you do that. Also do you really want to be in a situation where mutual friends can't have you both over for the same party because you acted like such a tw*t last time you were in the same room?

Meh. Sounds like this lady probably does this to others so it’s good of OP to warn others, make them aware. Not messy at all

very messy, very look at me - very awkward for everyone else who knows you

hey, if you like drama, def go this course

[Anonymous]

Just say nice to see you and keep moving. Don’t over complicate it.

[Anonymous]

Why do people insist on being over considerate and saying "good to see you". The person ghosted her and it is in fact NOT good to see her, so why say it? A hello or Hi is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

You will embarrass yourself if you do that. Also do you really want to be in a situation where mutual friends can't have you both over for the same party because you acted like such a tw*t last time you were in the same room?

Meh. Sounds like this lady probably does this to others so it’s good of OP to warn others, make them aware. Not messy at all

very messy, very look at me - very awkward for everyone else who knows you

hey, if you like drama, def go this course

I think people are just trolling responses. No way would a normal person react like this in this situation. Just be nice, if she says let’s get together, just say that sounds great, let’s do that! And then if she follows up, I would give her a second chance but I wouldn’t make the first move. Honestly, life does get busy. I don’t always have the time I want. I wish I did. During these years with young kids and activities, it is harder to maintain friendships with one-off friends who don’t have connections to other parts of my life. It’s not personal. This sounds stupid but I actually have a list of at least two people I can name that I plan to reach out to once my kids are older and I can develop relationships with people who weren’t already a friend or don’t live in a 2 mile radius. No idea if they will be receptive then but I don’t have time to cultivate those relationships now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace.

Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up.

You don't know what was happening in her life. Also last summer feels like a it was one blink away. Give her some grace.

Just say hi and talk about the concert. Ask her what she's watching or reading that's any good. Don't suggest making plans. Assume that she just got caught up in life and didn't mean this as some personal diss.

She gave her grace, now she needs to disengage.

Life is too short.

Seek out other people who are open and responsive and say hi to them, sit with them, talk to them, make plans with them.

If you see ghost lady just ignore her, maybe a quick "oh hi" and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go with the suggestions that allow the ghoster to hide behind niceties. I would scowl at her until she feels obligated to speak to me then keep the gaze until she opens up about what's going on.

And if she doesn't open up about it, that's what the middle fingers are for!!!!