Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?

[Anonymous]

Just be friendly and upbeat, never let them see you sweat. Non committal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not do the empty "let's make plans" thing. Just be friendly and cordial and try to keep the interaction as quick as possible!

+1

Don't offer to make any plans. Pretend you like you didn't notice being ghosted, but keep the interactions friendly and minimal.

Honesty pretend you don’t know who she is - that’s more effective. When she reminds you, say I must have forgotten, I have so many friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not do the empty "let's make plans" thing. Just be friendly and cordial and try to keep the interaction as quick as possible!

+1

As I said in the OP, I do NOT plan on using that spiel, but I have no clue what to say. Everything feels awkward. I admit I’m still a little hurt so that’s clouding my logic and reason.

“Hi, it’s good to see how. How have you been?” How is this not a totally nice way to greet someone that doesn’t lead to false plans or whatever?

You seriously have “no clue what to say,” or is it that you have “no clue what to say that would let her know how rude I think she is and how hurt I am, so that she can make it right”?

This is the best line.
Who knows what she had going on in her life but when I've let friends down it was generally when someone was dying or died unexpectedly. With my parent's drawn out demise I just lost energy to explain it and retreated inward instead of reaching out. Not proud of it but it was a lot of work handling that physically and emotionally plus parenting and I didn't have anything left for all but one friend who I've known forever and could just cry with.

[Anonymous]

I’d be compassionate. You have no idea why she fell out of touch.

I’ve had to pull back on relationships due to anxiety and ADHD makes it hard for me to keep up with people even though I like them.

[Anonymous]

Don't overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread shows the differences in social expectations between the Southerners and the Northerners. The Southerners will make sweet noises and say "hi, its been such a long time" while imagining stabbing the other woman in the eye while the Northerners will either cut her dead or glower to make it known, in a Northern way they'd like to stab her in the eye.

So effectively everyone is giving the same advice here, just with the cultural nuances of their region.

I’m not getting a north/south distinction? I have no idea where the commenters are from. Most people are right—you just say “hey, good to see you! Your kid was great tonight! Gotta run!”

Virginia versus Maryland. Fairly standard distinction between North and South

Sure…posters aren’t IDing themselves 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be compassionate. You have no idea why she fell out of touch.

I’ve had to pull back on relationships due to anxiety and ADHD makes it hard for me to keep up with people even though I like them.

Same here, I have always had a hell of a time keeping up with friendships. Friends I have currently, I have had a long, long time, and they know I go in and out. Another point is, I don't lean on anyone, ever. Which isn't really the best, and so I don't have as intimate and reciprocal of friendships that other women seem to expect and/or take for granted. I was just never up for it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace.

Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up.

I never worry about how to act towards people who clearly don’t like me. Who cares? Nothing to lose act however you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being a little petty and childish. I doubt there was any ill-intention on her part, sometimes people just get very busy with their lives and need to prioritize. In times like this unless you're a very good friend who has been with her through thick and thin, you don't get top billing on her to do list. It is what it is.

This. It's the reason I finally ghosted a friend a decided to never follow back up. I went MIA after a busy summer and fall and then reached out to wish her a happy birthday and to apologize for being MIA. Instead of her just being nice about it and saying so glad to hear from you let's get together, she started off with-wow, surprised to hear from you after you disappeared as if somehow communicating is my responsibility. I didn't follow up after that because that is just petty and childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life.

I would be direct if she says we should get together. I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior. Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that. And then just walk off. Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

It's more than ironic that you say to "gd growup" and ppl are being dramatic idiots for simply wanting courtesy. That's it. You can't make it? Let me know. Everyone has "stuff" going on in their lives - that's called...life. You don't get to be a horrible friend, not even sending a text that takes 2 seconds and then act like everyone should be so compassionate and think of all the terrible things that you could have been going through - that you didn't mention and then you ghosted. People are getting way to comfortable being rude and obnoxious all in the guise of "turning inward" and "focusing on self". It doesn't give you a pass to be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

And for everyone who ghosts/cancels/doesn't show/doesn't text - why don't you all grow up and think beyond yourself. You act like you're a main character in a movie and everyone else is a stage hand.

EVERYONE HAS TOUGH TIMES IN LIFE.

EVERYONE IS A MAIN CHARACTER IN THEIR OWN STORY. YOU ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT NOR ARE YOUR PROBLEMS UNIQUE.

Stop being friends and family - show up when you say you will or don't accept the invite. If you can't show up due to a last minute thing - GROW UP AND USE YOUR WORDS.

And before people start pulling out the extreme stories of how your family member committed suicide or you got diagnosed with Stage VI cancer - this is obviously for the 98% of you that just flake and then complain how small your lives are and have no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective.

Or, be a gd grownup who can send a 10 second text instead of ghosting. Or, be a gd grownup who can handle the stresses of life without being a jerk to their friends. Your post is so ridiculous it reads like satire. Me, me me, my, my, my, and yet the person calling you out for that is the one who is a dramatic, self-absorbed idiot.