Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not do the empty "let's make plans" thing. Just be friendly and cordial and try to keep the interaction as quick as possible!

+1

As I said in the OP, I do NOT plan on using that spiel, but I have no clue what to say. Everything feels awkward. I admit I’m still a little hurt so that’s clouding my logic and reason.

“Hi, it’s good to see how. How have you been?” How is this not a totally nice way to greet someone that doesn’t lead to false plans or whatever?

You seriously have “no clue what to say,” or is it that you have “no clue what to say that would let her know how rude I think she is and how hurt I am, so that she can make it right”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace.

Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up.

Her not responding was a response. She’s not interested.

[Anonymous]

I would pretend that you didn’t know her when she comes up to you. And then when she reminds you who she is, just pretend you are bad with names and faces. And then ask her basic getting to know you questions

[Anonymous]

I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

[Anonymous]

OH my gosh!
what is wrong with you people?
Ignore her? Pretend you never knew her?

Just be friendly OP. Be open and friendly. You have no idea what happened. I've dropped the ball on get togethers before because something came up: a family death, a low point in my marriage, a bout of depression, a crisis with my kids. I can tell you that it had nothing to due with the person I had plans with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be friendly, don't mention the ghosting, definitely don't suggest getting together. Just say "great to see you" and then make a banal comment about the kids (can't believe how fast they're growing up, they're all so talented, blah blah blah) and move on.

If she ghosted and then you didn't see each other for almost a year, you guys are not actually friends and you should just treat her like a vague acquaintance. Anything else will make it clear to her that you are still sad/upset about her ghosting. Which is a fine way to feel (I probably would too) but trust me that you will not feel better if you let her know. You will feel worse.

This. Just be polite and civil like you would any other random fellow parent you've met before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OH my gosh!
what is wrong with you people?
Ignore her? Pretend you never knew her?

Just be friendly OP. Be open and friendly. You have no idea what happened. I've dropped the ball on get togethers before because something came up: a family death, a low point in my marriage, a bout of depression, a crisis with my kids. I can tell you that it had nothing to due with the person I had plans with.

NP - I’ve had similar experiences. In those cases, I took initiative to reach back out to the person I didn’t respond to. If I were in this situation, I’d welcome a friendly hello, knowing the responsibility for establishing contact was mine. I’m all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but that doesn’t mean continuing to pursue someone who can’t respond in a mutual way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

You need help - asap! run, do not walk...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just give a quick nod, say hello, and keep moving.

+1. This. Don't make a big deal of it. Smile, hello, hope all is well, keep moving. You don't even need to engage in conversation.
If she wanted to reach out to you, she would've. There's no need to try to make plans again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what she was dealing with at the time. Perhaps she has anxiety and feels awful for bailing. Some people pile on themselves and aren't able to just reach back out because of the guilt/shame. This may not her HER situation, but give her some grace.

Sure. But I extended an olive branch twice since summer and she never responded before I gave up.

You don't know what was happening in her life. Also last summer feels like a it was one blink away. Give her some grace.

Just say hi and talk about the concert. Ask her what she's watching or reading that's any good. Don't suggest making plans. Assume that she just got caught up in life and didn't mean this as some personal diss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

You will embarrass yourself if you do that. Also do you really want to be in a situation where mutual friends can't have you both over for the same party because you acted like such a tw*t last time you were in the same room?

[Anonymous]

I think it's safe to assume this person doesn't value your friendship. And that's ok. Now you know. Don't spend a bunch of time thinking about it and definitely don't spend a bunch of time talking to her at events. Hi, how are you and then move on to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just give a quick nod, say hello, and keep moving.

+1. This. Don't make a big deal of it. Smile, hello, hope all is well, keep moving. You don't even need to engage in conversation.
If she wanted to reach out to you, she would've. There's no need to try to make plans again.

+1

Just be polite and move along.

However, I would not engage in any plan making with her. For me once shame on, you fool me twice….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just say, "Hi, how are you?" and let the conversation flow from there. If she suggests getting together make sure the ball is left in her court.

Her: We should get together for coffee
You: That would be great; text me when you're available

I wouldn’t say text me when you’re available. I would say something like, yeah I don’t think so. I tried getting together with you several times and you ignored me. So I don’t want to meet up with you. And say it loudly so it embarrasses her.

That's cool if you're a messy person. If I had no interest in seeing her again I'd just say 'no, thanks that won't work for me' in my regular speaking voice.