Reply to Best way to approach having to see a friend who ghosted you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in the "Hi - how are you?" camp. Just wave, smile, and keep it moving. You can't go wrong:

If she ghosted you because she was dealing with problems in her life, you are still being pleasant.

If she ghosted you because she's a snob, you are showing you don't care.

Do not mention getting together. If she brings it up in a fake way ("we need to get together!"), just be vague back to her ("I know, right? Life is so crazy busy.") You don't need fake people in your life. [/quote]

I would be direct if she says we should get together.  I don’t k ow why people on this board are so scared to call out bad behavior.  Tell her that she ghosted you several times last summer with no excuse and you’d rather not get together with people who are rude like that.  And then just walk off.  Hands clean, direct, honest, and simple.  [/quote]

Someone did that to me and I'll tell you why not to do it - because you don't know what was going on in her life at the time. I had family stuff happening, work was extremely stressful, and I was basically falling apart at the time I let the ball drop on lunch plans. Be a gd grownup and realize that people have things in their life more important than getting tea with you in July. Someone who says this sounds like a self-absorbed tw*t. That's someone I will never pass a job opportunity along to, will never suggest for a position on a board, will never set up with other friends, etc.

Your potshot isn't worth making yourself seem that self-absorbed and insufferable. We're not sisters where if we don't get lunch for six months it's THE WORLD ENDING. We're people who knew each other well enough to try to get together, and didn't know each other well enough that if you're feeling weird about how something's going, you can just pick up the phone and say: Hey, what's going on? Is everything ok?

Don't be a dramatic idiot. Just be a normal person who keeps things in perspective. [/quote]

It's more than ironic that you say to "gd growup" and ppl are being dramatic idiots for simply wanting courtesy. That's it. You can't make it? Let me know. Everyone has "stuff" going on in their lives - that's called...life. You don't get to be a horrible friend, not even sending a text that takes 2 seconds and then act like everyone should be so compassionate and think of all the terrible things that you could have been going through - that you didn't mention and then you ghosted. People are getting way to comfortable being rude and obnoxious all in the guise of "turning inward" and "focusing on self". It doesn't give you a pass to be a jerk.[/quote]

"Horrible friend" - give me a freaking break. If we're close enough that I owe you a deep dive into my personal traumas at the moment, then we're close enough you can call and find out why I am not responding. If we're not that close, just freaking understand that sometimes people shut down when they are dealing with more than they really feel capable of handling at the moment. Those aren't great friends - those are close acquaintances, and they don't owe you anything. But you can sure show yourself to be self-absorbed by elevating them not responding to two lunch invites into some kind of GoT-level rift that demands penance and revenge.

People go through stuff. Or sometimes they just flake and feel badly about flaking! Unless you are relying on this person to drive you to the hospital to evade the mob, or they are your best friend and text you telling you they're not interested anymore, just show some gd grace.

No, don't immediately suggest getting together when you see them. Let them take the lead. Or just let it drop. But do not make a scene. You're not in junior high school. Making a scene will be worse for you than for them, I promise.[/quote]

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