Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you be leaving professionally?

A good, stable, well-paying job, but with significant responsibilities that do not engage me. The new job would be only and precisely what I want to do. Plus a 100K salary bump.

This is pretty compelling, the salary bump in particular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you be leaving professionally?

A good, stable, well-paying job, but with significant responsibilities that do not engage me. The new job would be only and precisely what I want to do. Plus a 100K salary bump.

This is pretty compelling, the salary bump in particular.

Yeah. A significant pay raise like that can make a real difference to a family. My family moved from Canada to Michigan right before my senior year for my dad's new job, which basically doubled our family's income. It made a pretty big difference in all of our lives, which was worth the initial discomfort of changing schools.

[Anonymous]

Would you be moving somewhere with a cool factor to it, like LA or San Diego? Your DS might be really excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You child will likely be fine but staying put would probably be better (for him). You just have to decide whose needs/wants are more important, at leadt for the next couple years. There's no right or wrong; you are the one who has to live with your decision.

+1

I also think it’s helpful to ask yourself if a man would ever agonize over taking an amazing job that required his kids to move. Some would but I imagine most would not. Women tend to put others’ needs ahead of ours because we think we *have* to, when in fact we don’t.

While this is likely true, it's also worth noting that because a man might not consider the feelings of his family, that doesn't make his position the correct one to emulate.

[Anonymous]

Is OP a man or a woman? I didn’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, move before school lets out. The new kid gets special treatment, everyone makes them feel welcome, someone will make sure they are included at gym/lunch, and they can make friends before summer. A new kid on the first day of school? eh - there are lots of new kids, they won't get noticed, and nobody will go out of their way to include them.

Disagree with the advice to move before school breaks for summer. Terrible advice. Don't disrupt your child's world prematurely when unnecessary.

I’m with PP. I moved a lot and it was always better when I came mid-year.

Did you leave a close group of friends and a boyfriend/girlfriend behind ?

[Anonymous]

Could you move just yourself while your family stays through high school (maybe with frequent weekend visits paid by the new company)? Or negotiate a mostly remote role with regular travel? These are all things that I have seen executives do in my org. There is much greater tolerance for a remote hire post-COVID, even at the senior leadership level.

Or at least move for a year before everyone follows to make sure the opportunity is a good choice.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, no. I hear your career aspirations, but your bigger obligation is to your child. Because it may work out, but if it doesn’t, there is no conceivable amount of job satisfaction (let alone $100K) worth the trade-off of your kid’s mental health. Not for me, anyway.

[Anonymous]

My parents moved me and my brother from east coast to California when I was in 8th grade. I hated it for a year and told my parents I would never forgive them, and then made friends in my new high school. And I was happy again. You will have an angry teen for awhile. But in hindsight my family made the best move. I also got to go to the UC system in state.

[Anonymous]

How cliquey is the new city you are moving to?

[Anonymous]

I would not. I would wait until after DC had graduated. However, I do not know your financial situation. If your finances/retirement depends on it, you may have to take care of that first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you move just yourself while your family stays through high school (maybe with frequent weekend visits paid by the new company)? Or negotiate a mostly remote role with regular travel? These are all things that I have seen executives do in my org. There is much greater tolerance for a remote hire post-COVID, even at the senior leadership level.

Or at least move for a year before everyone follows to make sure the opportunity is a good choice.

This is worth considering …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends, beautiful landscape, ample cultural opportunities, and a far better state university system.

Assume you’re talking about CA. 100K pay bump may not be enough. Housing is still crazy expensive. State school system is amazing but it’s competitive and only looks at sophomore and junior grades. If your DC has an adjustment period and it knocks their grades you’ll be screwed. School districts vary in quality and consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved (out of state but not cross-country) in August with a 16yo and a 14yo (junior and freshman). Dream job for DH that only comes open once every 20 years, and dream location for me.

We told the kids when DH became a finalist for the job. We explained that it was about the rest of my/DH's lives, while the kids would only be around for a few more years and then would be off to their own lives.

Kids went from a large NoVA public high to a slightly less large public high school here. The kids were not happy about the move at all, but they're doing fine. Eldest turned a corner in December when he started doing track, which he is loving. And now he has something to write about on his college essay! Youngest still misses her friends a lot but is very mature and doing fine.

Yes this is my perspective too. Glad your kids have settled in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Kids need to learn resilience.

Resilience develops from early life nurture not from breaking your kids.

Not true