Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
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Anonymous
Then you suck it up and realize part (most?) of being a parent is putting your kid's wants and needs before your own sometimes. There will be a different opportunity in 3 years. If kid was 8, okay. But at 15 they deserve the stability of high school in one place, barring exceedingly extenuating circumstances. "This is a cool job opportunity i really want" isn't an extenuating circumstance. I mean, no one's going to die if you force them to move, but be prepared for an extremely painful and rocky 3 years. They will likely want to go to college "back home" so your point about better instate options is moot unless you're going to force them to go in state where you end up. Sounds like a recipe for potentially damaging that relationship. |
Anonymous
How does the spouse feel about it? Do they have a job here? Prospects out there? Could they stay behind with teen while you traveled back and forth? These are all questions I have.... |
Anonymous
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I think it really depends on your kid and where you're moving. We moved to a new city when I was 14 and I moved into a school system where the kids had all been together since middle school. It was hard to integrate into social dynamics that had years to "set" but after the first semester or so, it was fine. I wasn't a kid who made friends super easily, but it wasn't any harder than it ever was to get to know people.
I was never reluctant about the move, though, even though I was leaving a pretty great friend group at my school. The town we were leaving was small and conservative and we moved because my mom got into grad school in a college town. I missed my friends, but I got to grow up doing stuff I loved (music, art) rather than stuff I didn't like (4H, sports). |
Anonymous
| It would be tough, but the situation could be mitigated if you found a smallish private school where he could integrate more easily. Our high schooler goes to a smallish private religious school, and every year some kids come and go, even this year, junior year. The new kids have done fine, but this is a school that puts a lot into the social-emotional aspect of teen well-being. On the other hand, my mother-in-law did this to my husband at 15, and it was awful for him at the time though in the long run fine. That was going into a big public school though. |
Anonymous
If the move is against your child’s wishes, and he feels like he has no input, he may self-destruct just to spite you. I wouldn’t expect a, “Gee, mom, you were so right to uproot me and I gained so much confidence from this wonderful new change.” |
Anonymous
| No, no, no. I would not even consider if unless driven by financial need. |
Anonymous
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I had a friend who moved from out of state junior year in high school. It sucked. Credits didn't transfer properly and he ended up having to take summer school to catch up on required courses for our state that weren't required in his. His math and science sequences were different than ours, so he spent junior year in freshmen classes trying to bridge the gap. The sport he played in his home state wasn't even offered at our large high school (think a water polo player moving to Maryland or a lacrosse player to Arizona). It was really, really hard for him.
While he had a lot of acquaintances, his true friends were all back in his former state. The day after graduation he moved back to his former town to live with his best friend's family until he started college in that state in the fall. Can you negotiate remote work? Like you work a month there and then from home for a month? So kid can finish high school? Or rent an apartment and do M-F on the west coast and fly home for weekends? Really though I just wouldn't. I see the appeal but it's the wrong time. |
Anonymous
| I probably would but honestly just cross this bridge when you come to it. There’s no reason to discuss it with him unless you have a job offer. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely. Kids need to learn resilience. |
Anonymous
| No, I wouldn’t move if they said no. Ask and see if they are open to it. |
Anonymous
Which they learn by losing a soccer game or getting cut from the play or failing a test. Moving cross country mid high school isn't required for that lesson. |
Anonymous
| I would, but I grew up a military brat, and I moved four times during my school years. The last time was in the middle of sophomore year. I was an extremely shy kid, and it sucked, but I got through it. Also, I don't want to get into details, but I didn't necessarily fit it, and it was a bit of a rough start for me. But after a little adjustment time, it was fine. And I met my bff that year. Our friendship has lasted 37 years and we are still tight as ever despite us taking different paths after high school and currently living 5 hours away in different cities. |
Anonymous
| Depends sooo much on the kid. I think there are some who would see that as awesome adventure and a chance to start over. There are some that would be miserable for three years, and where this could put their mental health at major risk. You've gotta know your kid. |
Anonymous
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DH and I moved here the year before our oldest started kindergarten and we basically committed to staying here until our youngest graduates HS - barring extenuating circumstances. Neither of us would even apply to any job that would have us move.
That said - everyone doesn’t feel like us and I know plenty of people who move. |
Anonymous
| My parents did this to me at the same age, not for a job, but just because they wanted to move somewhere warm lol. It was fine for me, and I left friends and family in my home state. They promised me a pool and a puppy and I got both so I was happy. |