Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?

[Anonymous]

I met my best friend in the world when her family moved to our town from the other side of the country at the beginning of our sophomore year of HS. Of course, that was almost 30 years ago.

With our now 12 and 13 year olds, I think our DD would handle this fine but our DS would struggle. Really depends on the kid, but neither would want to feel blindsided by the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, move before school lets out. The new kid gets special treatment, everyone makes them feel welcome, someone will make sure they are included at gym/lunch, and they can make friends before summer. A new kid on the first day of school? eh - there are lots of new kids, they won't get noticed, and nobody will go out of their way to include them.

Disagree with the advice to move before school breaks for summer. Terrible advice. Don't disrupt your child's world prematurely when unnecessary.

I’m with PP. I moved a lot and it was always better when I came mid-year.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your teenager OP. I would have been delighted to make that move as a freshman and get away from the private school environment I was in. It depends on your child's circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse?

Yes.

How does the spouse feel about it? Do they have a job here? Prospects out there? Could they stay behind with teen while you traveled back and forth? These are all questions I have....

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse?

Yes.

How does the spouse feel about it? Do they have a job here? Prospects out there? Could they stay behind with teen while you traveled back and forth? These are all questions I have....

Agree.

Excellent prospects and is interviewing for a position there now as we speak. Spouse is enthusiastic as a result.

[Anonymous]

You child will likely be fine but staying put would probably be better (for him). You just have to decide whose needs/wants are more important, at leadt for the next couple years. There's no right or wrong; you are the one who has to live with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You child will likely be fine but staying put would probably be better (for him). You just have to decide whose needs/wants are more important, at leadt for the next couple years. There's no right or wrong; you are the one who has to live with your decision.

+1

I also think it’s helpful to ask yourself if a man would ever agonize over taking an amazing job that required his kids to move. Some would but I imagine most would not. Women tend to put others’ needs ahead of ours because we think we *have* to, when in fact we don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse?

Yes.

How does the spouse feel about it? Do they have a job here? Prospects out there? Could they stay behind with teen while you traveled back and forth? These are all questions I have....

Agree.

Excellent prospects and is interviewing for a position there now as we speak. Spouse is enthusiastic as a result.

So you are both interviewing and haven’t yet mentioned this to your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You child will likely be fine but staying put would probably be better (for him). You just have to decide whose needs/wants are more important, at leadt for the next couple years. There's no right or wrong; you are the one who has to live with your decision.

This is what I think.

My sister had to move when she had one rising junior and a rising freshman. Had to. Job loss.

The rising junior it was really a struggle and the kid felt zero affinity to the area and pretty much went to college and then moved far away.

The freshman did fine. Made friends, etc. But same thing...not a lot of roots in the area and moved away.

I personally would never do it unless forced to based on economic circumstances. But also, I probably put my kids' needs ahead of my own to a fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a spouse?

Yes.

How does the spouse feel about it? Do they have a job here? Prospects out there? Could they stay behind with teen while you traveled back and forth? These are all questions I have....

Agree.

Excellent prospects and is interviewing for a position there now as we speak. Spouse is enthusiastic as a result.

So you are both interviewing and haven’t yet mentioned this to your child?

Yeahhhh…this is pretty bad, OP. You can’t just spring, “we’re moving on xx/xx! Surprise!”

[Anonymous]

We moved (out of state but not cross-country) in August with a 16yo and a 14yo (junior and freshman). Dream job for DH that only comes open once every 20 years, and dream location for me.

We told the kids when DH became a finalist for the job. We explained that it was about the rest of my/DH's lives, while the kids would only be around for a few more years and then would be off to their own lives.

Kids went from a large NoVA public high to a slightly less large public high school here. The kids were not happy about the move at all, but they're doing fine. Eldest turned a corner in December when he started doing track, which he is loving. And now he has something to write about on his college essay! Youngest still misses her friends a lot but is very mature and doing fine.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the kid. Some kids are resilient and outgoing and easily integrated into new situations, others will absolutely have a terrible time, and probably hate you for it. Only you can answer this question. My DS's best friend moved out of the area after freshman year and he did very well, made new friends and still keeps in touch with my DS. That said, he's very outgoing, self confident and mature. Many others may not be as much.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard of an opportunity that will never come up again, unless it’s like taking over the crown or joining the Supreme Court or something. Either the exact same job will open up in a few years or something similar but not exactly will sooner.

Float the idea to your child but heed their wishes. Some kids may be up for this. You can do anything you want in 3 years, which is such a small blip in your career.

[Anonymous]

I moved across the world as a 15 year old (but a Junior), from a small town in India, where I went to private schools, to a (bad) public school in the Bronx. I was not a wallflower, but not outgoing either, and had real trouble with language. I won't say that it was easy (the curriculum was ridiculously easy, nothing else though), but it was fine.

My nephews moved from the DMV to the Texas when the older one was 14 and the younger one was 10. The older one is very introverted, and was taking some HS level courses as well. He had a rough year adjusting to the coursework and expectations (both harder than here), but otherwise did fine. The younger one is very laid back and easygoing and makes friends easily, and he has absolutely no problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Kids need to learn resilience.

Resilience develops from early life nurture not from breaking your kids.

A bit histrionic here, aren't we?

OP, I'd do it, if your kid is emotionally healthy and not facing any existing challenges. My parents moved my sibling and I during high school. Of course we hated leaving our friends at first, but we both adapted and thrived, and gained some amazing opportunities in the process.