Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
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Anonymous
New poster: My daughter’s best friend moved because both parents got new jobs with incredible opportunities for flexibility advancement. One kid was in college, one was 15, then there is a middle schooler and an elementary kid left at home. It’s been more than 2 years and it’s been terrible for the teen. Fwiw, the parents regret the move even though it’s been great for them professionally. The younger ones have done better but the teen one, though he has friends, doesn’t have a close group of friends. His sport is not as widely practiced where he lives and no high school varsity team for the sport. He went with an okay attitude, so it wasn’t a self fulfilling prophecy that he thought it would suck and it does. He knew kids here since preschool and he misses them a lot. He’ll be okay, but the mom told me she and her husband wished she didn’t move - and they think it has changed his personality. |
Anonymous
| Don’t do it, OP. |
Anonymous
So 3 of 4 kids are doing better and 2 out of 2 parents are doing better, but they regret the move based on 1 kid not getting enough sports practice or closer friends? OP - take the job and turn this into a positive adventure! |
Anonymous
One kid is in college and doesn’t care. |
Anonymous
I’m that poster. I did not mean the younger ones have done better than in the DMV. I meant the younger ones have done better than the teen still at home. I did not say the oldest did any way at all…she’s in college and was leaving regardless where mom and dad moved. From what the mom and dad have said to me: the younger two have adjusted better than the teen at home. The teen at home has not adjusted well and the move was not worth it for them because they believe the teen’s personality may forever change because of this. Fwiw, the parents are both practicing MDs, so I believe them when they make this assessment about their teen. |
Anonymous
| I am shocked at how many people tell you not to do it. Go for it! The kid will adapt. It's a great life skill. Kids move in and out of friendships all the time. It's only 3 years and it will go fast. |
Anonymous
It’s mostly one anxiety riddled person posting over and over. |
Anonymous
She didn’t say the other kids were doing better, just that they were not doing worse. And the parents are not better - they feel horrible guilt and regret as they should. |
Anonymous
No - there are at least two of us and I suspect a lot more than that. Your children are not just an accessory to your life! They are real people with feelings and agency! |
Anonymous
Yeah but they don’t get to make decisions that affect the entire family. |
Anonymous
| Why not ask your kid directly? Don't mention that it's for your dream job, but ask if they would consider a move to your new location. They might surprise you and come back with a positive answer. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Plus, while teens certainly have feelings and agency, they are not fully matured and often don't know what is good for them. I'm one of the PPs who moved with teens. My DS is the kind of kid who has to be forced into any change; if it were up to him he'd probably still be in the womb. He thought his life was perfect, but we knew he had no perspective on that. And indeed, in most ways his life here is better. Letting a teenager make a life decision for one's family is crazy. |
Anonymous
| Do all of your teens stay with the same group of friends 9 to 12th grade? Some of the posters in this thread make it seem like moving would tear the teen apart from their forever friends… I find that weird. I didn’t move and my group of friends shifted a lot during HS. I’m finding the same thing with my DD. |
Anonymous
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It will be tough for your kid, of course. If they are happy at your current school
and have friends/support, moves are hard. But, as others said, it depends on your kid and moves happen. My suggestion to you would be to look for a school that has a fairly fluid class make up of possible. For example, try not to send them to a small school where they all have been together since pre-k, for example. Maybe an international school that regularly has a fairly good number of new kids coming in and then leaving. Will still be an adjustment but will be easier for them. Or if you can find a school that starts in their grade when they will be entering that will be great. Good luck with the decision! |