For those who have “cut other people off,” what did the person do to deserve it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

There were a few weak “cutting off” posts of mothers in this forum. Things like wanting to participate in their children’s lives and suddenly they are evil. Not sure how you could make the judgement call that I am mentally I’ll for using a term. That seems like jumping to conclusions. As a matter of fact I am also a victim of a mentally ill and abusive mother. She’s done some bad stuff but I have not cut her off in the manners I’ve seen described here by some. I just don’t see the point in returning like with like.

Oh, I just went back and read some more posts. Perhaps you think I’m the poster above that seems a bit unhinged. I wrote the comment above but nothing else until my response included above. Your comment makes sense now.

[Anonymous]

Does it matter?

If someone decides someone else brings turmoil and negativity to their life, that is enough- whatever their reason is.

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with people you love, enjoy being around, and equally love and respect you.

Just because "family" doesn't mean you have to tolerate a relationship that makes you feel terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

DP. Obviously pedophiles should be cut off. But you know very well that's not the problem here.

For example, on the "I called my mother 'unlikable' and cut her off" thread, where 2-3-4 posters are egging on the OP. A few other posters argued that name-calling wasn't a mature or productive approach and instead suggested that OP tell her mother calmly what's wrong and maybe work out a compromise about Thanksgiving etc. In other words, act like an adult. But they were shouted down.

The freaks in the Adult Children forum who can't contemplate that children could do anything wrong, so it must always be the parents' fault. For example, somebody (before you start, it wasn't me) started a thread about "my son blamed me to his therapist" and was met with a shrill chorus about how everything is always the parents' fault and the son shouldn't be expected to own his own choices.

That isn’t what people said on that thread.

Did your family cut you off because you change facts to fit your story? They got tired of the lies?

Sadly, your hyper-dramatic lies, accusations and DCUM telepathy are instantly recognizable. I see you found the Family Relationships forum.

Nope, my family and I had a great Thanksgiving, lots of love all around. Hope the same was true for you.

Several people disagree with you on every one of these threads that you twist to fit your narrative. Several. Not one, two, three or four.

DP

PP does this on other forums too, not just this one. It's pathological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

DP. Obviously pedophiles should be cut off. But you know very well that's not the problem here.

For example, on the "I called my mother 'unlikable' and cut her off" thread, where 2-3-4 posters are egging on the OP. A few other posters argued that name-calling wasn't a mature or productive approach and instead suggested that OP tell her mother calmly what's wrong and maybe work out a compromise about Thanksgiving etc. In other words, act like an adult. But they were shouted down.

The freaks in the Adult Children forum who can't contemplate that children could do anything wrong, so it must always be the parents' fault. For example, somebody (before you start, it wasn't me) started a thread about "my son blamed me to his therapist" and was met with a shrill chorus about how everything is always the parents' fault and the son shouldn't be expected to own his own choices.

That isn’t what people said on that thread.

Did your family cut you off because you change facts to fit your story? They got tired of the lies?

Sadly, your hyper-dramatic lies, accusations and DCUM telepathy are instantly recognizable. I see you found the Family Relationships forum.

Nope, my family and I had a great Thanksgiving, lots of love all around. Hope the same was true for you.

Several people disagree with you on every one of these threads that you twist to fit your narrative. Several. Not one, two, three or four.
DP

PP does this on other forums too, not just this one. It's pathological.

Please get help. The fact that you're destroying threads with your obsessive narcissism is a minor problem. The real issue is your destructive alternative reality. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

There were a few weak “cutting off” posts of mothers in this forum. Things like wanting to participate in their children’s lives and suddenly they are evil. Not sure how you could make the judgement call that I am mentally I’ll for using a term. That seems like jumping to conclusions. As a matter of fact I am also a victim of a mentally ill and abusive mother. She’s done some bad stuff but I have not cut her off in the manners I’ve seen described here by some. I just don’t see the point in returning like with like.

DP. You seem like one of the more mentally stable people on this thread. I, too, had a somewhat abusive mother. I set boundaries but didn't lash out with insults (call her "unlikable" on another thread) or cut her off. Paying difficult behavior with more difficult behavior and drama doesn't get anybody closer to compromise or change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter?

If someone decides someone else brings turmoil and negativity to their life, that is enough- whatever their reason is.

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with people you love, enjoy being around, and equally love and respect you.

Just because "family" doesn't mean you have to tolerate a relationship that makes you feel terrible.

You're missing the point. If someone else brings turmoil and negativity, you have a choice. You can cut them off, or you can set boundaries and try to compromise and work for change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

I completely agree. A lot of immaturity. In pediatric terms, there are a lot of adults posting here who are exhibiting a distinct Failure To Thrive (FTT). It is sad. And maddening. I don't understand all of the lashing out and the instigation. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to represent a large part of the population in real life. Just the few on DCUM who frequent the Family Relationships page. I often wonder if it is the same 2-3-4 people posting repeatedly.

Um, in "pediatric terms", failure to thrive is, quite literally, a growth disorder. Maybe you were hoping that posting it in capitals and initials would make it seem like something else, but it didn't work.

And here is the question I asked you/the other poster that was never answered:

Can you give some specific examples? Most of the posts I read are about posters finally deciding to distance themselves from abusive family members. Where is the "lashing out" and "ganging up on" happening? I have known mentally ill people to use aggressive terms like that when they were ignored, because due to their lack of skills and emotional regulation being ignored feels threatening and scary to them, but I haven't actually seen posters describing such aggressive acts.

DP - the one whose sister is dating a pedophile - I’m waiting for the answer to this question, too. Or am I just “immature” and “lashing out” because I don’t want my children around someone who has literally been arrested for possession of child pornography?

DP. Obviously pedophiles should be cut off. But you know very well that's not the problem here.

For example, on the "I called my mother 'unlikable' and cut her off" thread, where 2-3-4 posters are egging on the OP. A few other posters argued that name-calling wasn't a mature or productive approach and instead suggested that OP tell her mother calmly what's wrong and maybe work out a compromise about Thanksgiving etc. In other words, act like an adult. But they were shouted down.

The freaks in the Adult Children forum who can't contemplate that children could do anything wrong, so it must always be the parents' fault. For example, somebody (before you start, it wasn't me) started a thread about "my son blamed me to his therapist" and was met with a shrill chorus about how everything is always the parents' fault and the son shouldn't be expected to own his own choices.

That isn’t what people said on that thread.

Did your family cut you off because you change facts to fit your story? They got tired of the lies?

Sadly, your hyper-dramatic lies, accusations and DCUM telepathy are instantly recognizable. I see you found the Family Relationships forum.

Nope, my family and I had a great Thanksgiving, lots of love all around. Hope the same was true for you.

Several people disagree with you on every one of these threads that you twist to fit your narrative. Several. Not one, two, three or four.
DP

PP does this on other forums too, not just this one. It's pathological.

Please get help. The fact that you're destroying threads with your obsessive narcissism is a minor problem. The real issue is your destructive alternative reality. .

Projecting again.

I already replied on-topic to this thread. You? What have you contributed that was on-topic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter?

If someone decides someone else brings turmoil and negativity to their life, that is enough- whatever their reason is.

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with people you love, enjoy being around, and equally love and respect you.

Just because "family" doesn't mean you have to tolerate a relationship that makes you feel terrible.

You're missing the point. If someone else brings turmoil and negativity, you have a choice. You can cut them off, or you can set boundaries and try to compromise and work for change.

Also there's an issue in defining "turmoil and negativity." Does mom's desire to spend Thanksgiving with the grandkids really fall into that bucket?

[Anonymous]

I cut off a long term friend. She used me to get a new career, then undermined me the whole time we worked together. Luckily my manager and I were close and respected each other. My manager told me of the underhanded meetings, comments etc by my friend. This friend also used me to cart her kid around to multiply out of state sports events. Called me several times while I was on vacation to literally cry about work issues. When I tried to help her, she turned the comments around in meetings and I had to repair things in the office when I got home and found out. I have decided at my age to just stop letting people use me.

[Anonymous]

I cut off a relative.

- told lies about me

- lied to me about her own accomplishments or events

- threatened to sue me

- cyberbullied a friend of mine for a minor comment on Facebook

[Anonymous]

I am a very mild and non-combative person. I follow social norms, I don't gossip, I help people out and I am not on social media. I don't dig for information and I do not volunteer my personal information. My conversation is limited to non-personal things (except policy, politics and religion). If I find someone to be mean or nasty, I withdraw. I do not engage at all.

If you harm me once that is the end of it. I have a large social circle and I entertain a lot. I try to be inclusive and nice to everyone. But I do not have energy for meanness. I am in a happy marriage and I have a great family. I am also very happy in my own company so I do not need people around me.

[Anonymous]

After a lifetime of being verbally abusive to my husband and his mom, my husband had finally had enough of his dad when, two days after my dad (to whom I was very, very close) died unexpectedly, my FIL's reaction to my husband saying I wasn't feeling up to going out to dinner with them was why I was being such a b!t&h and I should stop crying and instead be grateful that I still had my FIL (who has never been nice to me) in my life. My husband said that was it, he was done. This was almost two years ago and my FIL still insists that he did nothing wrong and we are the ones who should apologize.

[Anonymous]

My dad is a Trumper who literally just left a positive review on a business's Facebook because he heard they gave their employees PTO to go to Jan 6 last year.......

[Anonymous]

I cut off my aunt (mom's sister) about 10 years ago.

-Told me is she was my size (size 6) she'd slit her wrists right now
-My mom has alopecia and is very very self conscious about her balding. My mom got a haircut to strategically hide a bald spot and she was feeling confident! My aunt walked in the room, looked at my mom, chuckled, and said "you look like a little dutch page boy. might as well just hack it all off- there's no hope left".
-She drunk calls my dad (my mom's ex husband) and vaguely hits on him or alludes to the fact that my mom didn't know what she had. Spoiler alert: he was verbally abusive to my mom and cheated on her.
-She walked right past my 88yo grandma (her mom) who was trying to push a wheel barrow full of groceries from her car to her doorstep.
-She scoffs at my Dh's pick up truck (that he needs for work) and asked that he park it somewhere she can't see it out the window when we are all at a family party because she hates looking at it....It's literally a nice 2019 clean truck.
-She told my 14yo cousin who had attempted suicide because she was bullied so hard then spent 3 months in in-patient treatment that she's annoying and my aunt understands why people would bully her.

Man, I hate that woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter?

If someone decides someone else brings turmoil and negativity to their life, that is enough- whatever their reason is.

I'm a firm believer of surrounding yourself with people you love, enjoy being around, and equally love and respect you.

Just because "family" doesn't mean you have to tolerate a relationship that makes you feel terrible.

You're missing the point. If someone else brings turmoil and negativity, you have a choice. You can cut them off, or you can set boundaries and try to compromise and work for change.

Why put that energy into it? Just because they’re family? What if they’re not worth it to you? Just because they’re family is not a good enough reason.