For those who have “cut other people off,” what did the person do to deserve it?

[Anonymous]

That’s the question.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like a lot of people on here are seeking approval for lashing out at and participating in ganging up on others in their lives. Whether or not it’s deserved. But honestly a lot of the toxicity seems to stem from the posters here, not their targeted family member. Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

My mentally ill mother is a danger to me. She's tried opening credit cards in my name, emptying out my bank accounts, and has said horrible things to me (still does if I let her). She physically abused me from 12-17. She had my brother arrested; he spent 8 years inside. (yes, he did the crime but FFS, having your mother turn you in is a mind-eff). Everybody in my family, except my 92 year old aunt, have cut her off. She's mean to everybody. Regarding forgiveness for mental illness, I get it and would give it but she refused treatment. I suspect mild schizophrenia or at least a delusional disorder to add to her anxiety and social phobias.

[Anonymous]

I haven't cut her off totally, but I've come close many times. My older sister is a toxic narcissist who takes any opportunity to dump her shit on me. I tried grey rock, which works but requires skill and consistency and always being on my guard. Covid was a great opportunity for me to establish new boundaries with her. I no longer attend family gatherings at her house, especially on days which are likely to be emotionally charged. Grey rock works well now, because I don't talk to her often and I come from a place of strength and resolve. Our conversations are actually somewhat pleasant.

[Anonymous]

I also haven’t entirely cut off my sister, but we have very little contact. Her partner has been arrested for possession of child pornography and I want him nowhere near my kids.

There are more typical things: repeated calling during work hours for a “crisis,” which always resolves when I don’t pick up (because I’m working), waking up to a stream of text messages that are essentially emotional vomiting, consistent unreliability. But it was the child porn thing that really did it.

[Anonymous]

My mother make sure to make me her retirement ticket. Not she did not safe for retirement.she did but she intend to keep everything and put them in my narcissistic brothers name.

After everything I did fo rdecades, I finally had enough and told her that we are not going to keep funding her life anymore. So my mother and my brother start talking that I m trying to take money from her.

So I cut them out. Everything I said or do, got twisted into other ways. Back stabbed and people who tried to rob rom you are not you family.

[Anonymous]

Mine was a friend that undermined my spouse's promotion (we all work at the same organization). And I don't mean friend didn't speak up in spouse's favor or didn't vote in favor. That would be one thing.

I mean friend went out of their way to make sure it didn't happen.

Spouse didn't find out what actually happened for about two years, during which time we were socializing with this person as if nothing had ever happened.

[Anonymous]

Abusive
Bullying
Name calling
MAGA
Cultish
Conspiracy theorist

[Anonymous]

Mentally abused me growing up, calling me b*t h, mean girl, evil, a lesbian, locked me in my room.
Told me she wished I was dead not my brother at his funeral.
Threatened and bullied me for more money when I was paying and supporting all her medical care and getting her into a live in facility.
Started gossip and triangulation between family members for decades.
Has a weird obsession with making fun of people with special needs and told our family my son had autism (he is neurotypical) and said my other child had down syndrome (again, neurotypical)

[Anonymous]

OP as much as you are hoping it's just petty reasons, as many of us have said before the decision usually comes after years, even decades of trying boundaries and strategies and getting therapy. Contrary to popular belief, the therapists are very interested in helping you heal the relationship not cut off. In fact, once I finally gave up, I no longer needed therapy. So, it's not in their best interest to push cut off.

Common reasons to finally cut off are:

history of abuse-emotional, physical, verbal and/or sexual

blaming the victim and sweeping under rug when the abuse finally came to light

unethical to criminal behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP as much as you are hoping it's just petty reasons, as many of us have said before the decision usually comes after years, even decades of trying boundaries and strategies and getting therapy. Contrary to popular belief, the therapists are very interested in helping you heal the relationship not cut off. In fact, once I finally gave up, I no longer needed therapy. So, it's not in their best interest to push cut off.

Common reasons to finally cut off are:

history of abuse-emotional, physical, verbal and/or sexual

blaming the victim and sweeping under rug when the abuse finally came to light

unethical to criminal behavior

Yep. 100 percent agree.
Also if it’s a relationship you’re giving and serving and supporting 100 percent and you get absolutely nothing back from, it’s completely one sided, I think it’s fair to just say life is too short to put in the effort and time with someone that it’s reciprocal.

[Anonymous]

Someone cut me off after a coffee in which they disclosed personal things to me and I disclosed personal things to them. The disclosures were equal. I remain puzzled by the chilly frost yet I know the other person experienced horrible abuse and frosted out a best friend of theirs so maybe this is what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't cut her off totally, but I've come close many times. My older sister is a toxic narcissist who takes any opportunity to dump her shit on me. I tried grey rock, which works but requires skill and consistency and always being on my guard. Covid was a great opportunity for me to establish new boundaries with her. I no longer attend family gatherings at her house, especially on days which are likely to be emotionally charged. Grey rock works well now, because I don't talk to her often and I come from a place of strength and resolve. Our conversations are actually somewhat pleasant.

Are you me?? This is me, too.

I’m proud of how I’ve kept contact but am grey rocking the heck out of the sibling. Sister said cruel things to me. Recently, I found my high school diary n which I detailed how sister physically attacked me and my dad held her back. I had forgotten that!

I’m very happy not to be in frequent touch and would have done this sooner had we not both had kids.

After years of sibling making a huge deal about birthday presents for me that never get delivered, I stopped buying any presents for her. I am free!! I don’t care about the presents but I do care about the lying about the presents.

[Anonymous]

I isn't just one thing, OP. It is a series of small things that accummulate over a long period of time. It is the proverbial death by a thousand papercuts. One day, finally, you just can't take another papercut. You're done.

[Anonymous]

I cut my father off after I was visiting him and we got into a fight and among other terrible things he screamed at me he told me to call my extremely abusive ex-boyfriend to come “save” me.